Remembering Him and Loving You
by slazenger1234
Summary: Future fic. Brittany and Santana are living their dreams in Los Angeles. Everything is going well until an unexpected tragedy causes Santana to doubt the woman she loves. Will she be able to fix her feelings for Brittany before it's too late?
1. So Far, So Good

**Hi everyone, this is my first ever fanfiction! I basically started writing this without a clue what the story was going to be about. Now, I kind of know what I wanna do with the story! I honestly don't know how exactly it will end yet, I just go along with my emotions on the day! Also, I'm not sure how many chapters are going to be in it. I hope you enjoy and feed backs will be appreciated! Thank you! **

**I had to upload and re upload because I accidentally deleted the story! Sorry!**

The door opened ever so slightly and a narrow beam of light invaded the dark still room as quiet footsteps made their way towards the middle of the space, to a bed where a figure laid in the middle, on their stomach, arms stretched out to either side. The stealth figure came to a halt on the side of the bed and inspected the shape, sleeping soundly, chest rising and falling matched the light snoring sounds. A loving smile crept to the invader's face as she lifted the covers up as gently as possible trying not to to wake the current occupant.

"Britt, what are you doing?" a croaky voice delivered causing the invader to jump out of her skin and pause in her current position, one leg on the bed, and one still hanging off the edge. "Britt?" The voice repeated again, this time clearer and louder.

"San,baby, go back to sleep." Brittany replied. She didn't mean to stay up so late. In fact, she never stays up late. She was always the one who went to bed at a decent hour while Santana stayed up doing who knows what even in weekdays when she had college and Brittany had morning dance classes. However, tonight was different. She had to make sure Santana went to bed first no matter how many times she yawned and almost fell asleep sitting on the couch with Lord Tubbington who definitely spoke a few times tonight and she's sure it wasn't just a dream. Tomorrow is Santana's 21st birthday and she wanted to do something special for her girlfriend. Something special which did not involve sex, although that will probably be inevitable and will eventually be the "ultimate gift" at the end of tomorrow night. But they have all day tomorrow and Brittany, as much as she loved getting her mack on with Santana, thought that since 21 is kind of a big deal, she decided that she would spend the whole day pampering Santana with all her favourite things and so she stayed up, planning an itinerary, calling up their friends and organizing a little surprise get together. She let out a small chuckle just imagining what Santana's face will look like when she tries to act like she hates birthday surprises because Brittany knows her girl, she loved them and no one, apart from her knew this.

"What's funny?" Santana asked, confusion audible in her tone. It was too early in the morning to function and as much as she adored Brittany's laugh, her brain is about 20% switched on so right now, sleep seems like the best idea.

"Nothing babe, I just remembered something Lord Tubbington said." Brittany replied quickly as she slipped her whole body under the covers, feeling the warmth of Santana's body next to hers.

Santana opened one eye in the darkness, baffled at her girlfriend's answer. Sometimes she truly wonders if Lord Tubby actually speaks because Britt says it so much it can almost be believable. She wanted Brittany to elaborate but not right now as she felt the tiredness taking over her so she turns to lay on her back and shifts to her side of the bed to give Brittany space as she searched for her girlfriend's hand signalling her to come closer. Brittany takes Santana's hand and let their fingers intertwine as she moved closer and slipping her other arm under Santana as she buried her face on the crook of her girlfriend's neck, inhaling the familiar honey-milk scent on her skin. She doesn't know whether it's the exhaustion hitting her or the comfort of Santana's scent that quickly causes her eyes to close and her body slack as she drifted off to sleep. Santana felt Brittany's body relax beside her as she closes her eyes again and gives the girl a soft kiss on her temple before she got enveloped by sleep.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee and pancakes swiftly travelled from the kitchen to the bedroom and to her nostrils. Santana, accustomed to this smell, slowly opened her eyes, her hand searching the space beside her only to find it empty. "That's weird" she thought. Brittany, even though she slept earlier than Santana, always woke up later which made Santana the breakfast maker. She stretched and yawned a few more times before finally pulling off the covers and heading to the bathroom where she did her morning rituals.

Ten minutes later, she walked into the kitchen where Brittany was busy with the pancakes totally oblivious of Santana's presence as she moved lightly to the music on the radio. Santana smiled to herself. Like a proper huge cheesy smile. "When did I get so lucky? Here I am, watching my girlfriend cook breakfast, dancing in her boy shorts and tank top. Damn." she thought as she walked quietly towards Brittany and wrapped her hands on the taller girl's waist. "Morning, babe." She said, kissing her girlfriend's neck lightly causing the blonde girl to jump a little with the unexpected company.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Happy 21st Birthday,baby." She said turning around to face the shorter girl, wrapping her arms around her neck and giving her a peck on the lips but before she could turn away, Santana already made a move, deepening the kiss, pushing the taller blonde into the counter, her hands playing with the waistband of Brittany's boy shorts. "San.." the blonde uttered when she had the chance to pull away, "It's... we... I... have... an...itinerary..." she continued between kisses.

Santana pulled away and looked at her girlfriend with a bemused face. "Itinerary?" she questioned as she proceeded to place light wet kisses on Brittany's neck which caused the blonde to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. Santana smiled against the taller woman's neck. "What itinerary?" she asked again, this time aware of how distracted Brittany was.

Brittany turned around to face the hob, against her will, because god knows how weak she gets under Santana's lady kisses. So with all her might she shrugs the brunettes current activities, now Santana's hands are under her shirt, on her abs tracing light circles, and focuses on producing edible pancakes.

"Santana, stop...that" She musters as she tried to collect herself from everything that's going on, Santana's hands are sliding higher and higher. "Babe. I need you to be patient and sit on the chair, please?".

The shorter brunette stopped her ministrations as soon as she heard the slight tone of command from Brittany. She likes it when Britt gets a little bossy,not just in the bedroom, in any given situation, but especially in Cama de Lopez-Pierce. "Okay babe, what's this itinerary?" She asked as she removed her wandering hands from under Brittany's shirt and sat down on the seat around the table.

Brittany placed the pancakes on the plate before serving it to Santana and placing a light peck on her lips. "Breakfast is served." She smiled before sitting down next to her girlfriend and pouring each of them a cup of coffee.

"You're gonna have to stop teasing me, Britt, if you want to get through anything in your "itinerary"." Santana joked as she started eating her pancakes. "Hmm, this is yummy babe. Thank you."

The blonde smiled. "Well, I was thinking maybe we should go out to the town and do some shopping, grab some lunch. You know something low key, I know you don't like making a big deal about your birthdays", she explained trying not to give anything away with the tone of her voice because she knows how perceptive Santana is. She's like a sidekick or was it psychic? Oh yes, psychic.

Santana placed her hand on her girlfriends knee. "Babe, you're so sweet. Of course we'll do that. I don't really care what I do for my birthday. I mean it's just a celebration of me getting old. As long as you're there, I'm good. I'm totally more than good." She replied as she inched closer to the blonde's face and gave her a kiss on the lips. "FYI, awesome make out session, though. I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little bummed we had to stop", she comments putting on a fake frown and her best puppy dog eyes.

Brittany looks at her with amusement painted all over her face. "You're such a cheat, San. You know I CAN'T say no to that face." She says as she stood up, heading to the direction of the bathroom. Santana follows her with a burning gaze that could possibly burn a whole through Brittany's back that's now exposed, as her tank top drops to her floor. Santana raised an eyebrow, finally catching on to the blonde's idea. "Kinky." She blurts out before abandoning her pancakes and bolting to the bathroom where the continuation of her birthday breakfast will continue.

**This was just to introduce things to you guys, real angst/ drama will happen in chapter 3!**


	2. The Beginnings of A Celebration

**So here's the second chapter! I need to proof read it again but I think it's okay, mistakes wise! Remember guys this is all just an intro to the actual story so please be patient with me! Reviews and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you!**

When they eventually got their impromptu "morning workout" out of the way, two solid hours later, Brittany finally came back to her senses and urged Santana to get dressed so they can finally get on with their day, the Latina's birthday, preferably outside the house, fully dressed. Although the blonde must admit, Santana made being naked in the shower and in bed a very very good reason to abandon the whole day she planned but she had to focus. The mind blowing, earth shattering sex will always be there for them, they're Santana and Brittany for goodness sake's. Their lady kisses are the sweetest of all kind. But Santana will only turn 21 once and Britt is adamant to give her the best party and after party ever.

"Santana, are you ready?" she shouted from the bedroom as she fixed her make up in the mirror. She would try to fix her hair but the "after sex ruffled hair" look is really suiting her outfit. She's wearing a pair of worn out denim shorts which shows off her long toned legs and to quote the Latina, her "hermoso culo". Her top was an almost see through white linen shirt buttoned up enough to show off her other pair of assets which obviously her girlfriend adored. The tall blonde smiled to herself, she's really taking this day to please and maybe tease Santana. She knows for a fact that Santana isn't the most patient person in the world so she'll have to see how long it takes for the brunette to lose all sense of control.

Santana emerged from the bathroom after half an hour of getting ready, mostly trying to calm herself down and think happy, non sexual thoughts. Britt kinda made it difficult for her to walk straight, let alone think straight. "Straight", that word should really not be used to describe her, ever. It's like saying sugar is sour. She's sporting dark denim skinny jeans and a grey fitted, v neck tshirt which accentuates her features, so to speak. "I'm ready, shall we get to business?" she smirks at her own lame innuendo. Brittany rolls her eyes jokingly and gives her a peck on the lips before making her way out of their bedroom and out to the car, before Santana could even make any moves that will definitely delay their plans.

Los Angeles on a normal day is busy. On a hot summer day, it's almost impossible to walk down the pavement without invading someone else's personal space, let alone drive a car through this jam packed street. Every person seemed to crawl out of their houses, craving for the sun, even though L.A. sun is not a rarity. It took them about an hour to find a decent parking space, an hour wherein Santana spent fifty minutes ridiculously trying to talk herself out of the thoughts she's been having while Brittany sat in the driver's seat looking effortlessly beautiful despite the impatient look on her face. Santana felt like she was back in high school, drooling over her then, hot, co-cherrio, best friend. She shook her head at herself, people would think she's a crazed sex fiend if they can read her thoughts. Truth is she's woman consumed by a feeling so goddamn strong, even her badass self, the self-proclaimed ladies' woman, Santana Lopez, is so undeniably in love with Brittany. She just loves her so much that everything that comes with it is just an added bonus.

"Babe, you okay?" the blonde asked waving her hand in front of Santana's face.

The latina snapped out of her mushy, chessy, thoughts. "Oh yeah babe, I'm fine. Sorry but you outfit is making it difficult for me to function" she retorted then let out a chuckle.

"Baby, I can only say the same to you. I just have self control." Brittany replied as they both stepped out of the car. Santana walked towards the taller blonde and slipped their hands together as they walked off. The perfect fit. Every time their fingers intertwine, the world around them just seems so negligible. Everything she wants is here. Wherever Brittany is, that's where her happiness lies.

While Santana and Brittany enjoyed each other's company doing normal, clothed activities, Quinn and her girlfriend Rachel sat in their living room waiting for the "go" signal from Brittany so they can sneak into the other couple's apartment to decorate the whole place for Santana's surprise party tonight. Quinn and Santana have had their differences in high school as they both fought for the role of "Queen Bee" throughout their time at McKinley. Brittany was always the peace maker. She was the "Switzerland" out of the three and though Santana always had a special place in her heart, she always considered Quinn like a sister and by that she means sometimes they fought but they always made up.

Meanwhile, Rachel Berry, formerly known as "Man Hands" to Santana and Quinn (at some point in high school), is the newest addition to the "McKinley Rainbow Alumni" as Santana would refer to them. It was definitely a surprise that the Queen Bee and Man Hands got together after bumping into each other at one of the LA gay clubs while Quinn was out with Brittany and Santana and their other friends. Her college boyfriend broke up with her earlier that month and since then she had been running to her fellow "Queerios" every time she felt down, which was all the time. So Santana, the good friend that she is, told Quinn to man up and convinced her to let her hair down and see the other side of town while Brittany did the more conventional thing of comforting her. That night turned into a Glee club reunion, in the bathroom of the busiest lesbian club in LA. Rachel was there with her actor friends from the TV show where she was cast as a minor character at the time. The two women were both unexpectedly happy to see each other in the club, well they were tipsy, but genuinely happy regardless. It took around five hours and countless number of tequila shots and before they knew it, they were both flipping their shit out trying to gather their clothes, belongings and dignities in Quinn Fabray's college dorm. Two months later, Santana almost spews her piping hot coffee onto Quinn's face when she told her and Britt about her rendezvous with a certain Rachel Berry. Two years later, they are still together and surprisingly Rachel is still in one piece considering how much she and Santana clash. It's a good thing the two blondes can control the situation.

Quinn's phone beeps and it's a text from Brittany, finally. The text read:

"Hey, just eating lunch at the Mexican place Santana loves. You guys can do your thing now. _But not your thing._ You know what I mean. B"

The hazel eyed blonde smiled to herself as she got up from the couch. Rachel fell asleep waiting so she had to wake her up as gently as possible. "Rach, babe, we gotta go."

"Mmm" the small brunette responded. She turned to face the back of the couch, clearly not making this job easy for Quinn.

"Rach!" Quinn said as she shook her girlfriend as gently but effectively as possible.

"BARBRA, I'M UP, I'M UP!" she bolted from the couch, clearly emerging from a dream.

"Another broadway dream?" Quinn smiled and she gave Rachel a peck on the lips.

Rachel pouted, "Yeah."

"Babe, it'll happen. I'll save up after college, you'll rake in from you acting gigs and we'll live the dream in New York City. Okay?" Quinn reassured her reaching out for her hand. "Now, let's go do our thing at the Lopez-Pierce's place."

"Why do we need to do it there? We can do our thing here." Rachel smiled, teasingly.

Quinn let out a small laugh. "You cannot be like this right now. Urgh, Santana, I hate you for being old right now."

**So I have introduced Faberry :)! Hope you guys like it!**


	3. Tragedy Never Picks The Right Time

**So, I guess here's where the drama begins! The past two chapter have just been introduction to the characters, really. I hope there are minimal mistakes cos it's been a few days since I proof read this! Hope you like the "drama". Enjoy!**

It was around half past six in the evening when Brittany received a text from Quinn telling her that their apartment is set and Santana's closest friends, mostly the Glee club gang, are arriving surprisingly on time. At this point, Brittany and Santana were up in the Hollywood Hills looking down on the City of Angels. The city they now consider their home, far from the uptight beliefs of Lima, Ohio. It was this city that finally showed Santana the lifestyle she always dreamed of. It was easy going, liberal, the opportunities are endless and most of all, she had Brittany by her side every step of the way. It all sounds like a massive cliché but it's true. Getting out of Lima after high school was probably the best thing they ever decided. It was liberating and relieving to say the least. The fact that they kept in touch with the Glee Club members, who accepted Santana open heartedly when she came out, is an added bonus.

So now her they are, almost four years after high school, although both older and wiser; Santana has even managed to keep her "Lima Height Adjacent" attitude on the down low; they were still the same old Brittany and Santana. Best friends turned lovers, forever soul mates.

"Thank You, Britt." Santana whispered audibly against the crook of Brittany's neck as they lay on the blanket watching the sunset. The sky was pinkish orange which amazed Santana every single time since they were little girls.

"You're welcome, San. You deserve this." Brittany smiled as she pushed the brunette's hair behind her ears to take in such a mesmerizing beauty.

"It's not just for today, B. I'm saying thank you for everything. Every single day you've been with me since we were five. We've been through so much and we're only 21. We've shared everything..."

"Puck?" Brittany joked.

Santana chuckled. "Yes, at one point. But in all seriousness, Britt, I would never have made it without you. I know I let you down countless times and I was such a coward in high school, not wanting to tell everyone about us. I will regret that for the rest of my life but right now, right here with you, I'm so wonderfully thankful. For you."

And by nature, and her lack of tear duct control, Brittany's tears freely flowed down her soft freckled face.

"I love you" was all she could say as she pulled Santana into a tight embrace.

Santana broke the hug and looked at Brittany.

"I always have and I always will" she replied sealing her declaration with a slow passionate kiss. Much like the first time they made love. There was no hint of lust in that kiss. It was pure and loving, just like how their relationship began.

The drive back from the hills to their apartment took around twenty minutes and by the time they got back to their apartment block, it was a little over 7 o'clock. Brittany already got another text from Quinn saying that most people are there already apart from Santana's older brother, Marco, who was flying in from New York just for his little sister's birthday. Brittany knows that Santana will freak out when her brother arrives. The siblings have been undeniably close since they were little kids. Marco is five years older than Santana and always played the big brother role. He was the first family member she came out to, he cried and told her that he's know ever since Santana introduced him to Brittany in the school playground when they were six. He know lives in New York City working as one of the youngest, most sought after lawyers. They haven't seen each other in almost a year due to his busy work schedule and Santana's college commitments. Every time they skyped each other, Santana would always ask Marco when he's coming to visit so Brittany went behind her back and called him a few weeks earlier to tell her about the surprise party and convinced him that it was the perfect time to come and visit.

The two ladies made their way out of the car, Santana waited till Brittany caught up with her and whispered, "I cannot wait to get into our apartment." with an obvious hint of what she wanted her ultimate birthday present to be.

Brittany smiled sweetly, intertwining their hands together, "Patience is a virtue, San. But I promise you this is one night to remember."

"You are such a tease." the shorter girl muttered as she raised her eyebrow knowingly.

When they reached their apartment door, Santana, not known for being a patient individual, pushed Brittany onto the door, unexpectedly and began kissing her lips fervently. She was multitasking, hands roaming everywhere, one made its way under the blonde's shirt and the other on the small of her back tracing circles. Brittany was obviously caught off guard and for a few moments she forgot that their entire friendship circle is in their apartment probably hearing this whole "situation".

"San, just, uhm...wait..till..." her train of thoughts seems to have been involved in a train wreck because nothing is coming out of her mouth, apart from embarrassingly loud moans and whimpers that don't exactly discourage Santana.

"Britt, I'm sorry, I can't wait for this." she said locating her house keys, finding the keyhole, all while still kissing Brittany who at this point have given up on stopping Santana and her actions, and she pushed the door open to an empty, dark apartment.

"SURPRISE!" a chorus of laughter, camera flashes, whistles and clapping roared around their living room and Santana stood there frozen, eyes wide as a deer caught in headlights, one hand still under Britt's top, her hair clearly messed up. Everyone was laughing, and Brittany was blushing.

"Surprise, San! This is what I wanted to tell you,before you did this." looking at the brunette's hand under her shirt.

"OMG!" She freaked out, shocked but totally embarrassed but totally happy. "THANK YOU GUYS!" She turned to Britt, "Babe, you are in trouble tonight. In a lot of trouble."

Before Brittany could say anything back, Santana's already been pulled into the crowd. Every one is giving her hugs and presents and the usual party chat. From the corner of her eye, she saw Quinn and Rachel walking towards her.

"Well, sorry to interrupt that, uhm, childish make out session." Quinn said jokingly as she gave Britt a hug.

"I tried to stop her but.."

"But you're Brittany and Santana. There's no stopping once it's begun." Rachel said with a smile.

"Like you guys never do that!" Brittany laughed.

"Babe? Do we ever do that?" Quinn asked sarcastically.

"No? I don't think we do, cos we're adults." Rachel replied, trying so hard to keep a straight face.

"You two are just jealous and boring, oldies." Brittany mocked.

Before either Rachel or Quinn can respond, Santana playfully punched Quinn on the shoulder.

"Yo, Fabray! You're gonna pay for this! You know how much I get embarrassed by surprise parties, or parties in general and you played along with this? Where's our friendship gone?" She said handing Britt a drink.

"Lopez, you love it. You fucking love it." Quinn retorted.

Santana just smiled and moved beside Brittany, automatically hooking her hand around the dancer's waist.

"Hello Rachel, Thank you for helping Quinn." she said trying her best to sound polite.

"You're very welcome Santana but actually Quinn helped me." she corrected as always.

Santana rolled her eyes at Quinn jokingly and the other blonde smiled at her with the "don't make fun of my girl" face. The party continued on as usual but there was still no sign of Marco. Brittany tried to shrug it off. It was quite early and maybe his plane got delayed or something. Besides, it's probably better if he arrived later when there are fewer guests. Santana seems overly preoccupied with everyone. And to think this girl "hates" parties.

A good three hours later and there's still no sign of Marco arriving at their apartment or even in the city. Brittany has been trying to call him but his phone goes straight into voice mail. She was beginning to feel uneasy and she's never one for feeling stressed in situations like this except she just had this unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. Santana must have sensed her change in mood because she sauntered up to Brittany, who was sitting on the couch away from everyone.

"Baby, are you okay?" the Latina asked, her voice filled with genuine concern.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm just a little dizzy. I think it's the champagne" she smiled, but the smile never reached her eyes.

"Do you want water? Anything?" Santana moved closer placing her hand on the small of the blonde's back.

"I'm alright babe. Just go entertain everyone, I'm sure you have a lot of people to catch up with" she smiled reassuringly.

"Okay, but if you need anything, just let me know." Santana smiled as she gave her girlfriend a peck on the lips.

Santana rejoined the crowd and Brittany was left on her own, still feeling uneasy about Marco not showing up and it's been more than three hours. He should have arrived two hours ago based on his travel itinerary. He insisted on renting a car at the airport and convinced Brittany it would look less suspicious that way. The dancer is sure that he made it to his flight because she received a text from him just before he boarded the plane.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the familiar ring of her phone. It was an unknown number and she frowned slightly, she thought it would be Marco.

"Hello" she answered, standing up moving away from the crowd and into their kitchen where there were less people.

"Hello, may I please speak to Ms Brittany Pierce or Ms Santana Lopez?" the unfamiliar voice asked on the other end.

"This is Brittany. Who's this?"

"Ma'am, I'm calling from the police department, do you happen to know Mr Marco Lopez?"

Her heart skipped, then starting beating fast, sweat was tricking down her forehead, she wanted to be sick. She wanted to vomit. "Yes" her voice trembled, "Yes, what about him?"

"Ma'am, he, uhm, got into a road accident. He was driving from LAX and he was involved in a head on collision.I'm afraid, he didn't make it." his voice was calm but the sadness was audible.

Brittany stopped listening, her vision was spinning, she could taste bile in her mouth. She needed air, she needed to get out, she needed to tell Santana. She couldn't tell Santana. Her knees gave in and the thud came after that, and then blackness.

The commotion quickly spread to the whole house and Santana ran as fast as she can to get to the kitchen. She didn't care about knocking her guests over, she needs to get to her, to Brittany.

"What the hell happened? She screamed, at no one, she just wanted an answer. "Someone call 911!"

The impact on floor caused Brittany to fall unconscious. There was no sight of blood and she's breathing but they needed a goddamn paramedic in here.

"Some one fucking call the ambulance!" the Latina yelled again, this time Quinn rushed to her side.

"San, Laura is here, let her tend to Britt." Quinn said slowly pulling Santana away from the blue eyed blonde.

Laura was one of their older college friends, she's a resident doctor at one of the neighbouring hospitals. She crouched down beside Brittany and checked her vitals, and everything else to make sure she didn't need to go to hospital. "Santana, everything seems fine. She'll regain consciousness in a few moments."

Brittany could hear everyone but she couldn't speak. Her head hurts as she tried to open her eyes. Her vision was blurry and she was seeing stars everywhere. Quinn and Rachel were holding Santana up, the taller brunette was wearing a worried look on her face, trying to fight back tears. Everyone else in the room just looked worried. Then she remembered something and without a single word, she started sobbing. Sobbing until she couldn't breather properly, until she couldn't see again but the only thing she could feel was Santana's arms around her and her familiar honey-milk scent and all she could hear was "Baby, what's wrong? What's wrong?"

Her heart sank. She wanted words to come out but nothing did. Instead, tears covered her whole face. It was unfair on Santana but how the hell could she break this news to her girlfriend. She will be shattered. Broken. Finally she mustered up the word and tried her best to say something, "He's,he's...gone."

"Britt? Baby, who's gone?" Santana asked confused by everything."Quinn can you please ask everyone to give us a moment?" she said turning to Quinn with pleading eyes.

Quinn nodded and asked everyone to politely leave the two alone.

"Britt, who's gone? I'm getting worried babe."

The blonde dancer inhaled deeply and as she exhaled and the words came out of her girlfriend's mouth, Santana's world fell apart. Into a million pieces. Her body was numb but her heart ached, it was a pain she's never felt before. Her vision blurred and tears were now running down her face as she sat there cradling Brittany.

"Marco. He's gone." Brittany cried.


	4. The Poison That Tragedy Leaves Behind

**Hi guys! sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy lately. I just started on a new summer job so it's going to be hectic but I'll try to write the next chapters whenever I have some free time. I hope you enjoy this one!**

Two months. Eight weeks. Fifty six days. It doesn't seem that long, no it does, but in a way doesn't. Santana doesn't even remember the concept of time anymore. She wakes up, gets up, and persuades herself to go to college, get on with her life, breathe and even look at Brittany. It's hard. No, it's impossible. She just can't comprehend anything that has happened in the last two months since her birthday. Every day is a fucking out of body experience and she just can't let go. She'll never let go of her brother. Marco. That's his name. That was his name. Everyone seems to have moved on and she's still in this trance, unable to grieve, unable to cry. No tears have left Santana's eyes since that night on their kitchen floor, with Brittany hugging her as she sat there, body slack, heart aching, tears streaming down her face.

"_I'm so sorry. Santana, I'm so sorry." Brittany cried out, still embracing her girlfriend who shuddering underneath her embrace, unable to stop crying and reply. Brittany felt guilty, as if it was all her fault for asking Marco to come and visit. Even though she knew, it was not her fault directly, she couldn't help but feel slightly responsible and from this realization, she could not stop the tears from leaving her eyes._

_Santana wasn't listening. She wasn't listening to anyone, to Brittany's attempt at comforting her, to the sound of whispers in the living room, footsteps heading towards the front door, the front door shutting, Quinn and Rachel gasping when they found out. No, she wasn't listening. She could hear a hum inside her head, a familiar song; she could hear Marco singing the song he always sang to her whenever she felt down._

"_Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking_

_When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by_

_If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow_

_You'll see the sun come shining through, for you..."_

_Slowly, she untangles herself from Brittany, who looks up at her, hey blue eyes filled with indescribable grief and sadness. She doesn't say a word to anyone in the room as she made her way to the bathroom and cleaned herself up. Every single tear wiped off her face. She splashed her face with ice cold water and it hit her like a wave of heartache but she told herself not to cry. He wouldn't want to see her cry._

"_He's gone." She said with a finality and head out the door to call the hospital, identify his body, call her parents and plan the funeral. Just like that, she stopped crying, but never stopped grieving. Every single day._

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door knob twist and the front door opened and closed quietly. She could hear footsteps making their way towards her, careful but fast. She doesn't look up, she doesn't smile. She just says, "Hi."

"Hey baby." Brittany said, kicking her shoes off, sliding into the couch with the brunette who was lying down. She automatically slipped an arm under Santana and another one draped over the Latina's stomach. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her familiar scent. "How's your day been?" she asks carefully.

"It's been okay. Like every other day." The shorter girl replied abruptly. "You?"

"Class was exhausting. I'm just happy to come home." She smiled against her lover's neck.

"That's good." Santana muttered. Ever since that day, she hasn't been able to look at Brittany in the eye or have a normal conversation with her. She knows it's not her girlfriend's fault. It's no one but that reckless son of a bitch driving that goddamn Mercedes that hit Marco's car's fault. And yet, she still can't let her girlfriend back into her life, properly. They haven't had an actual conversation, they haven't made love, and they're not the same people. No, Brittany is the same, loving, caring, loyal and patient. Santana has changed; she doesn't even know who she is anymore. She still loves Brittany but for some twisted reason, every time she sees the blonde blue eyed woman smile, her heart shatters. She reminds her of him. Of the tragedy that has happened to him.

"Hmm." Brittany simply answers as she drew circles on Santana's stomach. A single tear escapes her eye and her smile turns into a frown. She is fully aware of the changes in Santana ever since Marco passed away. She never wakes up early anymore, she doesn't cook breakfast, she barely eats, she barely goes out to see friends, she hardly smiles anymore and when she does they never reach her eyes. They never reach hers.

"I love you, San."

Santana could feel the tears. She could feel that smile turning into a frown and she could hear how Britt's voice cracked. She's not going to cry though, even though a lump in her throat is building up and her vision is blurry from tears-_liquid_ forming. She kicks herself inwardly for being so goddamn stubborn and unreasonable. This is costing her a lot. Her relationship with the woman she loves more than anything in this world, her life. But for some reason, it feels like it's worth it. Even though as her reply escapes her mouth, a hard jab attacks her heart and she feels her stomach churn.

"You too."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Quinn. I can't look at her. Not like I used to." Santana says not looking directly at Quinn, fiddling with the top of her coffee cup.

After weeks of nagging, Quinn finally convinced her to meet for a cup of coffee. It was an effort to get up and get ready for something that isn't college. Well, everything is an effort these days but Santana's current mood doesn't exactly scream sociable. She can't even be sociable to her girlfriend who she's practically married to.

Quinn looked at her best friend sympathetically. Santana, the girl who taught her pretty much all she needs to know about life, is telling her she has no idea what to do. Nothing. If Santana doesn't know how to handle something then it's pretty much out of Quinn Fabray's league. Santana has a solution to everything, anything. And here she is now, clueless, nervously fidgeting, and uneasy. _Un-Santana like._

"Hey, look at me..." she says taking both of Santana's hands across the table, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I understand you're hurting and no one will ever fully comprehend how difficult this is for you but Brittany is your girlfriend, she's your soul mate, Santana. You know it's not her fault and yet you choose to forget that fact. Brittany _did not_ anticipate any of this and _you know_ she didn't. She's your life, she's still here and I suggest that you make each and every day matter. Everything is unpredictable San, you need to focus on "right now". You need to make it right with Britt. She feels terrible, she's broken too, you know."

Santana looks up to meet hazel eyes full of concern and sympathy. "I know but it's so hard. Every time she smiles, it's like...how can she even smile after all of this?"

"Santana, she's trying to be strong for you. Not for her. For you. Don't you get it?" Quinn questions her.

"Marco used to sing "Smile" to me whenever I felt down. And her smile just reminds me of that and it reminds me of the fact that my brother would never have gotten into that accident if he never got on that plane, if Brittany never called him" she finally explains.

"Brittany did not anticipate any of this, Santana." She repeats again, defeated.

"But she made the call."

"And he accepted!" Quinn unexpectedly replied. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"I know, I'm not dumb, Quinn." She retorts, taking another swig from her cup. "I, it's just gonna take time."

"Santana, I love you. I love Brittany but most of all I love you _together_. We both know that time is irrelevant. Fix this before you lose her, before you lose everything."


	5. Confrontation That Leads Us To Our Fate

**Hey guys! Apologies for the slow updates! I've been working this whole week, it's been crazy! But I have a week off so in between maintaining a social life and going to the gym, I will be writing future chapters! Hopefully you'll like this one...It's getting more and more dramatic, I think. I still haven't decided on what's going to happen past chapter 6 so if you have any feed backs, I would really appreciate them and they'll help me get motivated to write more chapters! Thank you and enjoy!**

After talking to Quinn about the whole situation, Santana felt a little bit more at ease. Or at least she thought she did. On the drive back to their apartment she was thinking of ways to talk to Brittany about her feelings, about how she can't seem to get over the idea that Brittany was the one who called her brother and convinced him to come to Los Angeles and now he's dead. She's calculating the whole situation in her head, how Brittany will react to her words, the words she's now trying to say out loud, memorizing each line so she doesn't digress later on. Something inside her tells her that it can't be _that easy_. This will never get solved in _one_ day. So instead of taking the usual route to their place, she turns left, not really knowing where the hell she wants to go or what she wants to do but for a reason, she ends up pulling up across the street from a low key bar near the beach. She's been here once or twice before, of course with Britt, during one of those spontaneous dates they have whenever college wasn't busy or if Britt isn't too exhausted from her dance classes. They would set off, without a destination, and twice they've ended up there and here she is again. This time alone.

The bar wasn't busy at all. Maybe three in the afternoon is a little too early to drink but Santana thinks, knows, that she needs it. She needs to relax, to clear her head and right now a little alcohol couldn't harm her. She walks through the door and the smell of cigarettes and stale beer greeted her. The place still looks as dingy as it did a few months ago. She never really understood why they ended up here before, or why she chose to be here now. The usual crowd of middle aged, "_alcoholics in denial"_ were already there, probably celebrating for lasting after lunch hour. Santana shook her head, no way in hell was she going to end up like these losers, no way in hell. She walked up to the bar and sat down, feeling totally out of place. It doesn't feel right sitting here on her own, no hand on her knee, no blue eyes that looked at her intently. She shook those thoughts and called out the bartender.

"What can I get you, honey?" A middle aged man asked her, looking as if Santana was lost and ended up in the wrong side of town.

"Just a beer please." she answered looking around, the bartender is probably right. She looks lost, she is lost.

He handed her an ice cold bottle of beer and smiled at her. "That everything for you?"

"Yes, thank you." taking a swig out of the bottle, appreciating the cold bitter taste in her mouth.

* * *

><p>Turns out Santana can lie. The beer wasn't all she needed,no. She also needed five more of them, a shot of jager, redbull, scotch on the rocks and some other hard spirit she can't exactly remember. How did she get <em>here<em>? To this place and this state. Santana was never a shy drinker but she always drank with her friends,never alone. Never when she's sad and about to make some serious life decisions. The bartender had a worried look on his face but he can't actually refuse her drinks because, well, it's business and these days that's hard to come by. Besides, Santana isn't a messy drunk, she's known to be the "hysterical weepy drunk" but it's been so long since she's let herself cry that she can't even remember how to.

"Another one of these please?" she slurred looking at her watch. It's already 6 pm and Brittany should be back at the apartment right now. She checked her phone and right enough there's a text from her girlfriend asking her where she is and if she's had dinner. She shoved the phone back in her pocket deciding that drunk texting would not be ideal right now. "Hello? Another one of these please?"

"Miss, I think you've had enough for a day, heck for the week." the bartender finally decided. He may not know this young woman but whatever the hell she's going through, alcohol is not the solution for it. "Here, drink this." handing her a glass of ice cold water.

"Is this..." the brunette took the glass and took a sip "...water?"

"Yes. You need it."

"Fuck you." she spits, grabbing her purse and putting her jacket on as soberly as she can.

She gets out of the bar and pauses for a moment, looking for her car. She's never done this before, drink and drive. Even in high school, amidst all her rebellious acts, drinking and driving was never one of them. She takes her keys out of her purse and unlocks the car. She smiles lazily when she sees a flash of light coming from across the street.

"Oh there you are, I thought you left without me." she says, stumbling towards the driver's side.

* * *

><p>The good thing about places like these is that there are never many police cars around just because this place is a shit hole. No one cares if a drunken driver stumbles out here, heck, most of them don't even have goddamn cars. She turns on the ignition and revs up the engine and pulls away from the curb.<p>

Turns out driving while drunk isn't easy. Thank god her car is an automatic otherwise she wouldn't have been able to leave the shit hole bar she was in. Her car reeked of alcohol and smoke but she doesn't give a single damn and decides to put some music on an turn the volumes up loud. Ten minutes later, she finds herself pulled over seven blocks away from their apartment. So much for bad karma.

"Goddamnit." she swears under her breath as she checks herself in the mirror, trying to look as sober as possible. "Fuck."

There was a tap on her window so she rolls it down, that's how they do it in movies right?

"Goodevening ma'am. How are you feeling tonight?" a short stubby police officer asks her.

"Hello officer, I'm jolly good. Just heading to to see the wife." she answers with a smile. _The wife_, she smiles again.

"May I please ask you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test for me?" he asked carefully.

"Listen, Officer..." she tried to read his badge but that was a dumb move, as she couldn't read when drunk, apparently.

"Fernandez." he smiles mockingly.

"I'm seven blocks away from my apartment and I can get my girlfriend to pick me up here, while you wait? Please, let's not take this any further." she explains.

"Ma'am it's standard procedure, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to take the test. We can call your girlfriend, wife, whoever you wanna call but you still have to take the test." he replies trying not to sound annoyed.

"Damn it." Santana muttered under her breath as she opened her door and tried not to fall flat on her face. She took the test and surprise, surprise, she passed, or failed with flying colours. "Fuck."

"I'm afraid, we're gonna have to take you in, Ms..?"

"Lopez. Santana Lopez. Can I atleast call my girlfriend? She's waiting for me." she pleads.

"You can do that at the station Miss Lopez." he said leading her to the police car as his partner took over her car.

* * *

><p>It's already eight o'clock in the evening and Santana has yet to call or text her back. Brittany is feeling uneasy to say the least. She's still not touched her dinner because she's been waiting on her girlfriend. Ever since that day, she always gets agitated when Santana comes home late or doesn't call her back. She just can't shake off the bad feeling of not knowing where she is exactly or what she's doing. She is fully aware of the change in Santana's mood and the way she interacts with Brittany these days and it hasn't exactly helped that the brunette hasn't been in touch with her.<p>

The landline rings and the blonde dancer springs up and runs to the phone, her heartbeat racing and her hands felt clammy. "Hello?"

"Baby!" Santana greeted.

"Santana? Where are you? I've been so worried, you haven't text or called me back." she replied, anxiousness audible in her tone.

"Britt,baby, calm your tits. I've just been hanging out with the boys, you know." she slurred.

"Are you drunk? Where the hell are you?" frustration kicks in as she tries not to shout.

"Uhm, Britt, I need you to …"she hesitates. "..pick me up."

"Where from?" the dancer asked confused. Santana hardly ever asks her to pick her up.

"The police station?" she replies.

"What the fuck, San? You were drunk driving?_ What the hell were you thinking_?" she shouts now, letting her control go.

"I had a little too much okay? I'm allowed to fuck up sometimes. Cut me some slack. Are you gonna pick me up or do I need to give Quinn a fucking call? I'm running out of change here." the Latina argues, realizing how rude she sounded but she's too stubborn to even apologize.

"I'll be ten minutes." the voice sighed on the phone, defeat clear in her voice as she hung up and ran to the hallway to grab her keys and purse and hail a taxi.

* * *

><p>Santana has never imagined what the inside of a jail cell looked like because she never planned on ever spending even an hour in one. Despite her rebellious teenage years, she has managed to dodge the local authorities, especially in Lima. Her uncle worked in the local police station so she never really had the fear of ending up in one and her offences were never ever this serious. She found herself looking around this concrete box, taking in her surroundings for the first time since she got here. The room had an awful stench of what can only be described as urine mixed with stale alcohol and cigarettes. It was truly disgusting. Everyone looked like crap, including Santana herself, she decided. Two teenage delinquents who are clearly blazed off their minds sat in a corner laughing at something, well just anything really. A young woman in her twenties lying on one of the benches wearing an outfit next to nothing, she looked like shit. Make up running down her face, hair in a tangles mess, her clothes are mismatched and she was wearing the highest pair of <em>hooker<em> heels. Santana's lips turned into a frown at her own realization. This girl,woman, probably not that much younger than her, working the streets at night to provide for herself and probably her family. This society is twisted. So twisted.

The sound of the metal gate sliding open interrupted her thoughts and an officer appeared to be calling her name.

"Miss Lopez, you can go now. Someone paid your bail." he said, signalling her to stand up and get out of the cell.

She stood up, still feeling a little under the influence, okay maybe more than a little. "Muchos gracias officer." she smiled walking past the tall young officer, into the front of the premises.

Brittany stood near the reception with her back to Santana. She was looking down at her feet, as though she was checking out her shoes but in reality, Santana knew her girlfriend was upset. Really upset. She must have hurried out of their apartment because she was wearing a really old pair of sweats, her running shoes and a loose hoody over a wife beater but she still managed to look as beautiful, as always. Sensing that someone was walking towards her, she clocked her head to the side to see the brunette slowly heading to her direction. Santana looked like crap from this distance. She looked like she needed a good warm bath immediately and somehow, Brittany had a hunch that the Latina would be spending that warm bath by herself. The blue eyed dancer has never been one to be pissed off easily so for her to be genuinely mad at Santana was saying something. Of course she's worried about her girlfriend. She's been worried sick and this is the reason why she's so angry at Santana right now, she couldn't even muster a "hello" when the shorter woman finally reached her.

"Hi baby." Santana greeted, her breather stank of whatever she's been drinking and cigarettes. She'd been smoking again.

Their eyes met for a brief moment and it was evident that the Latina was still intoxicated. "Your car's outside. They gave me the keys, so I guess I'll be driving us back." Brittany replied sarcastically as she walked out of the building not bothering to wait on her girlfriend.

Santana didn't say another word, acknowledging Brittany's mood. It would be better for both of them if she just bit her tongue and avoid saying something that will cause the blonde to be more pissed off. She followed her girlfriend to her car and got into the passenger's side.

* * *

><p>The roar of the engine was probably a good metaphor for Brittany's current state. She gripped the steering wheel as tightly as possible until her knuckles turned white. Her eyes remained on the road, not wanting to even steal a glance at Santana who was sitting quietly fidgeting on the fabric of her jeans. She wanted to say something, so many things. To bring up all their fucking issues once and for all but not now, not when she's driving and Santana's still not fully sober. That would be a bad idea. But the silence enveloping the inside of the car was suddenly interrupted by a single sentence.<p>

"Britt,..." she hesitated "...I'm sorry." she finally spits out.

The blue eyed woman merely acknowledge her girlfriend's apology. She knew the Santana wasn't apologizing willingly. This is more than this drunken escapade to her. Something needs to be done- _said_, about the last two months.

"Britt? Brittany, talk to me. What the hell do you want me to say!" Santana shouted out of annoyance, out of frustration.

Finally Brittany turned to her with intense blue eyes. She's trying to hold back the tears and Santana could tell because her eyes were red around the edges, and glossy under the headlights. "What do you want me to say, Santana? What do you wanna hear from me?"

"I just want you to tell me that you forgive me and that it's okay that I fucked up tonight." she said looking straight to the road, realizing that Brittany has pulled over to the side of the highway.

The car came to a halt and Brittany unbuckled her seat belt and turned to face Santana, this time with tears glistening down her cheeks. "So you know how I feel now. How I have been feeling for the past two months."

"Britt, you can't throw that at me! It's not fair." Santana exhaled.

"No San, what's not fair is that you can't look at me with the same look you used to give me. What's not fair is that I know, even if you don't mean to, I know you think _it's_ my fault." she cried, her own fingers brushing away the intolerable tears running down her cheeks.

"I don't..." she paused waiting for the right words to come to her. "...I don't know what to think anymore."

"You think I don't blame myself for this?" she asks a rhetorical questions. "San, every fucking day, I wake up blaming myself for this. Every time I look at you, I see the way you look at me back, I know what you're thinking cos I'm thinking the same thing."

Santana looked up at Brittany. Those blue eyes unrecognizable under the pain and the tears. She reached out to touch her girlfriend's hands but the blonde woman just jerked her hand away. "Britt, I was overwhelmed by everything that's happened. I just, I'm trying to get past this."

"You know Santana, I love you so much. I love you so goddamn much, I sat here not saying a word about it this whole time. But you never tried hard enough because if you have, we would not be sitting here having this argument. Do you think you're the only one who lost him? _I lost him too _and he wasn't the _only one_ I lost that night._ I lost you too_. You can't even look at me without blaming me for what happened. What hurts the most is that I just wanted to you tell me you forgive me and everything will be okay and that it _wasn't _my fault. I _needed _that from you but you never tried to give that to me because you didn't try hard enough." Brittany sat there looking defeated, like she's given up. Like there's nothing much to hold onto.

Santana was gobsmacked by the honesty that came from Brittany. The realization hits her hard, like a bucket of ice to her face. Her girlfriend was right. She never gave Brittany any reassurance even though she knew it wasn't her fault, she never said it out loud. "I'm sorry Britt. I'm really really sorry."

"Me too, San." she replied biting her lip, as if she was trying not to say her next line, "I'm moving in with Quinn and Rachel for a bit."

Santana looked at her with sorry eyes. How the hell did it get to this? Now Brittany is_ leaving_ her. "Britt, please. Let's talk about this. We can fix this."

"We already have." she said, voice still quivering as she turned back to turn the engine back on. She pumped the gas pedal and the engine roared violently as she tried to pull away from the leeway.

"Brittany, please, I'm _begging_ you." Santana cried.

It only took two seconds for her to lose concentration. Two seconds for her to turn and face Santana until she heard -_felt_ a sudden impact on her side. She heard the sickening sound of shattering bones and her girlfriend's terrorised scream and then_ a blinding light._

* * *

><p><strong><em>AHHHHH! So yes, I haven't decided on what will happen next haha...I need ideas! Feedback is appreciated! Hope you liked it! <em>**


	6. The Calming Presence of The Rain

**Last chapter was indeed a cliff hanger! I'm trying to twist things up a bit! Still trying to figure out what I can do to make this unpredictable, obviously for your reading pleasure! This chapter is slightly shorter than the others but you'll probably understand why. I just wanna get some more angst in. The story seems to be more and more told from Santana's point of view, I did not intend it to be that way in the beginning but hey, gotta make some adjustments, since I'm making this up on the spot! I hope you enjoy this! Feed backs are appreciated! :)**

* * *

><p><em>She always loved the rain on a hot summer's day. The way it hits the ground relieving the thirst of the tarmac and the grass, the splattering noise it makes when it hits the roof and the sound echoes in her room, she loves it. It always reminds her of all the summer months she spent with Brittany, curled up in her bed, their limbs tangled together in amongst her sheets, blonde hair splayed across her chest, hands subconsciously exploring each other and memorizing every detail of their bodies. They were only thirteen that summer, it all started as a curious thought. Santana never imagined she'd actually fall in love with her. She always loved Brittany, she's her best friend, but during one of those summer days, she fell in love with her and she will be forever in love with her.<em>

_Funerals have never really been her thing, nor can she think of anyone whose thing it could be. It was just dull and overly polite, as if the person being buried would hear all these things. They are gone. All their senses, their feelings aren't there anymore. Now they are just an object in a wooden casket waiting to be put six feet underground to rot, and waste away. It happens, everyday, people die every day. And then everyone starts crying, saying things like they know the person in the wooden case. No they don't. She thinks it's true, people only really care when you die. When you're alive, they don't come and see you, they don't really ask you how you are and all of a sudden, there are all these people she doesn't even recognize, crying and talking like they know shit about that person. No, they don't. She hates funerals, she decided. It's not really a difficult conclusion to come up with. _

_Now sitting at the back of a stretch limousine beside her mother and father, she felt nauseous. She hasn't eaten properly in days and her stomach seems to be taking its revenge on her, except now isn't really the right time. Her black tight dress seemed to be getting tighter and tighter, making it harder for her to breathe. The air inside the car smelled of commercial air freshener mixed with her mother's overpowering perfume and her father's pungent after shave. She needed her now, more than ever, but she's not here. Under her big sunglasses, she felt a tear escape from her eyes. This cannot be happening to her, Santana Lopez. She's done some bad things in her life but if this is karma, then fuck whoever has the "highest power" out there. Fuck them. _

"_Mija, are you okay?" her mother asked worriedly as she saw the look on her daughter's face._

"_I'm fine, Mami. I'm just..." she paused. How does she feel? "I'm fine."_

_Her mother rested her hand on her lap reassuringly, "Everything is going to be okay."_

_But how can she even say that? She just lost someone who was,is still, a vital part of her life. How the hell can she even say that?_

"_How the hell do you know everything is going to be okay? You don't know how much this is hurting me." she exhaled._

_Her mother and father both gave her an appalled look. _

"_Don't you dare speak to your mother like that, Santana. Have you no shame?" he father spat out._

"_Clearly, you taught me well, Papi."_

_A palm landed on the side of her face. A striking pain shot all over her body as she clutched the reddening area on her cheek. Her mother gasped in total shock and she started crying hysterically._

"_Antonio, what have you done?" she cried._

"_Your daughter needs to learn some manners, Rosita." he replied._

"_Stop the fucking car!" the younger Latina yelled. "I want to get out."_

"_Santana, don't do this. Not today, Brittany would not approve of this. She wouldn't want you to-" her mother pleaded, desperately._

"_Don't even use her name, Mami! Don't you dare use her to stop me from getting out of this car." she shouted. "Stop the goddamn car, Alberto."_

_The limousine came to a halt, ironically enough; they were already at end of the driveway of the cemetery. She flung the car door open, grabbed her purse and stepped out of the car. The rain hit her and almost immediately soaked her whole body. The water was warm and inviting, even more importantly, she felt more comfortable out here, soaking in the middle of the road than in the comfort of the stretch limo. She closed the door which such force that made her mother jump. She is livid. So fucking livid. Every fibre in her being raged in anger and she could feel her heart beating fast; like she's on the verge of hyperventilating. The car slowly pulled away and when it was out of sight, she broke down. Her body slumped on the ground like a dead weight. Everything ached against the raindrops that hit her skin. She felt all alone in the middle of a fucking cemetery, under this rain. The heavens are crying, they better fucking be. Nothing in her life has felt this broken, ever. Not since Brittany chose Artie over her years ago, not since she had to watch the love of her life slowly being taken away from her. This hurts exponentially more than that. The pain was hard to describe. She knew in her head that she wasn't hurting physically but she felt her heart aching so badly, like it's going to burst at any moment. She just wants to go away, and forget, and stop hurting._

_She could hear a car driving towards her but no bone in her body wanted to move. She just wanted to stay here and feel the rain disguise her tears away. The car slowed down and eventually came to a halt but she never bothered looking up. She heard the door open and amidst the heavy rain, she heard the footsteps coming towards her._

_Suddenly, a pair of arms snaked around her waist from the side and she could smell the familiar scent. A different kind of warmth enveloped her, she felt home. She felt loved and needed._

"_San, let's go home." the voice whispered in her ear._

_She looked at her, for the first time since that night. Her blue eyes looked tired and distraught but she was still mind numbingly beautiful._

"_No matter what happens, remember how much I love you, okay?" Santana pleaded desperately, as if she needed her to hold on._

"_I love you, Santana. I will never forget that." Brittany smiled, cupping her girlfriend's cheek and closing the gap between them. "Let's get you home babe. I'm sorry I couldn't share a car with you and your parents. It hurts too much, for them to look at me like that. I'm sorry." the taller woman stated as she helped Santana get up and go inside her car._

"_It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." and with that, Santana told the biggest lie of her life._

* * *

><p><strong>So just incase it wasn't clear, this is a flash back because I know I never wrote about what happened after they found out about Marco, so I wanted to show the pain Santana was going through.<strong>

**:)! Please Review! Thanks!**


	7. The Fear of the Uncertainty

**This chapter has a little bit of flash back to make it a little less angsty! I'm trying to figure out what I should do after this chapter, so I need inspiration before I can start writing chapter 8. Hopefully you guys will like this one too! Reviews are very much appreciated! They help me get more motivated! Thank you for reading! haha, Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>The cry of the siren from the ambulance rang in her ears. As she opened her eyes,she could also hear people talking and cars driving past but everything was just so out of focus. She tried to look around but pain shot down her neck and through her spine and something was restricting her movements. She was lying on some kind of bed, on the side of the road very confused about what's taking place around her. She was unable to see anything apart from the blackness of the skies above and the twinkling of the stars that scatter unevenly on this blank canvass. A single star stood out, shining brighter than any of the ones surrounding it then she saw a face, smiling down on her, with inviting eyes.<p>

"Brittany!" she coughed out rather than scream because her voice seemed strained. "Britt?"

She felt a warm hand touch her arm and it shot up a comforting feeling to her brain. "Britt, baby, is that you?"

"Ma'am, you need to relax. We're taking you to the hospital." the unfamiliar voice replied.

"Who are you? What the hell happened? Where's my girlfriend? Where's Brittany?" she demanded, confused and unable to remember what happened before the ringing of the sirens in her ears.

"I'm a paramedic Ma'am. You need to relax, you have been involved in a car crash. You're going to get transported to a hospital." she answered leaving the whereabouts of Brittany part out.

"Oh god, oh god!" Santana cried, she felt her body convulsing as a sear of pain shot through her spine once again. "Brittany? BRITT!" she cried out hysterically as she felt herself hoisted up onto a confined vehicle.

"You need to sedate her. She needs to calm down, otherwise her injuries will get worse than they already are." she heard the paramedic say.

A tall young man climb in the vehicle and sat beside her, "You're going to be okay. We're just going to sedate you to numb the pain okay?"

"NO! I wanna know where my girlfriend is? Brittany Pierce. That's her name!" she cried out, tears blurring out her vision even more. But there was no response from the young paramedic, only a hint of sadness appeared in his eyes. Suddenly, everything was slowing down, voices were muffled and her eyes were starting to close no matter how much she forced them not to, and then blackness.

* * *

><p><em>It was a clear, hot summer day in Lima, Ohio. It was the first week of the summer vacation after their high school graduation at McKinley High. It had been a whirlwind of a year for both Santana and Brittany, not the easiest to say the least. Santana started the year still struggling to feel comfortable with her sexuality and the fact that her and Brittany have started to reconnect with each other hasn't made it any easier on her. She knew she loved Brittany, there was no doubt about that and the blonde felt the same. It was more of trying to not care about what other people will say behind her back that really bothered her. She liked knowing what people thought, it was her way of having power over them. If she knew they'd been bitching about her, then she can step up and go all "Lima Heights" on them but if they said it behind her back then she wouldn't find out, and they'd be laughing at her sorry ass all they want. Eventually, she took Brittany's advice and took a risk. Something that Santana Lopez barely does. She came out, to everyone, and turns out she could still retain her "Head Bitch" position and be with her soulmate at the same time. <em>

_Now, lying on her stomach on the lawn in her backyard, with Brittany beside her in a bikini, everything in life was looking good. In a month or so, their off to college in Los Angeles, away from all this small town shenanigans surrounding them. She could not wait to live with her girlfriend for real. They pretty much live together anyway but being with Britt, without adult supervision would be heaven. She sighed happily at the thought._

"_San?" a sweet voice asked her._

"_Hmm?" she turned around to face Brittany, blue eyes meeting her gaze._

"_What are you thinking about?" she asked, moving closer to the brunette making her flip over to lie on her back, nuzzling her face in the crook of Santana's neck and throwing her arm over her toned abs, tracing circles._

_Santana rested her head on top of Brittany's as she pulled the blonde impossibly close to her. "You."_

"_Urgh, San, you're so cheesy sometimes." she smiled against her girlfriend's neck._

"_Only for you Britt. Only for you." she replied smiling, as her hand ran up and down Brittany's spine._

"_I'm so happy about how everything turned out. And next year, it's gonna be great. I can't wait to live with you babe, even though Lord Tubs sure is against it. He told me yesterday."_

"_Britt, Lord Tubs is just jealous he's not coming with you. I, for one, am looking forward to having to to myself at all times." she answered, suggestively._

"_Uhm, San, Lord Tubs is actually coming." Brittany bit her lip._

_Santana broke free from her girlfriend to look at her face, "Seriously, Britt? Really?"_

"_Yeah, I just can't leave him. He's old and he'll start smoking again. I can't have that." Brittany frowned._

_Santana smiled lovingly at Britt. Even though her girlfriend has a wild imagination she could not help but adore her even more when she's being all cute like this. "Yeah I guess we can take him."_

"_Awh! San, thank you! Thank you!" the blonde bounced up and straddled the brunette, peppering her face with kisses. "You're the best!"_

_Santana chuckled and tackled Brittany to the ground, so now she's straddling her. "Well, if you keep this up, we might end up bringing Charity aswell." she leaned forward, closing the gap between their lips to give Brittany a slow, passionate kiss._

_Somehow, the heat of the scorching sun must have gotten to Brittany because she's pulling Santana down as close as possible, kissing her fervently, licking her bottom lip to get more access and the Latina obliged, parting her lips to grant her girlfriend permission. Sweat was starting to build up on their foreheads as things get more heated up. Brittany's hands were splayed on the brunettes back, tracing indecipherable letters, until they rested on the small of her back. Santana trailed kisses down her neck, sucking and nipping at the dip of her collarbones. An embarrassingly loud moan escaped the blonde's lip and the brunette smiled against her neck pleased with the reaction her girlfriend was giving. _

"_Ehem." a voice croaked behind them and Santana jumped off Brittany faster than the speed of light._

"_Hola mami." she looked down, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "You're home early."_

"_Hola Mrs Lopez." Brittany chirped._

"_Hey girls, I see you've been, uhm, enjoying the sun." she teased, raising an eyebrow._

"_Yeah, uhm, about that, we're totally sorry. We just uhmm..."_

"_Santana it's okay, I understand. Just, well, please don't burn out neighbours' eyes. Maybe somewhere more private would be more suitable? Also, we know how your Papi feels about this. yes?" she looked at both the girls._

"_I agree Mrs Lopez! Lord Tubs, has also been giving me the same advice." Brittany smiled._

_Santana turned to her in disbelief, "Yes, mami, we're just gonna go to my room. Britt?"_

_Brittany took Santana's hands and they both ran inside the house and up the stairs._

_"That was so embarrassing!" the shorted girl laughed._

"_San, it's cool. You're mom is so cool with it!"_

"_I know but still, it's weird. And you know, Papi's quite uncomfortable with it. What was I thinking?"_

"_You know what's weird?" the blonde asked, inching towards Santana, resting her hands on the brunette's hips._

"_Uhm, what just happened?" Santana answered confusedly._

"_No, silly. We're still both standing here in your room, not naked." Brittany bit her lip, most certainly undressing Santana with her eyes._

"_This is why I love you. You keep me straight." Santana pulled her closer, her hands resting on her hips._

"_But you're not straight San." Brittany wrinkled her forehead._

"_That's not what I...never mind, where were we?" Santana said, tackling her onto the bed._

_After hours of fulfilling each other's sexual desires, they both lay on the bed, bodies bare, limbs tangled with each other. Santana was cuddling Brittany from behind as the blonde slept in her arms. At this moment, everything was perfect, everything was going so right. Santana was where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. Beside her, always._

"_I love you so much, Britt." she whispered, planting a kiss on her girlfriend's shoulder. "So unbelievably much."_

"_Hmmm, I love you too, San." she replied, smiling in her sleep as she pulled Santana's arm closer to her chest and moved into her more, fitting into her body perfectly._

* * *

><p>Her consciousness was slowly building up as she opened her eyes again. She could hear muffled voices; see blurry traces of people standing near the door of the unfamiliar room she's in. The overpowering smell of disinfectant made its way to her nostrils and she could feel herself wrinkling her nose in disgust. It smelled overly clean in this place and it made her uncomfortable. Ever since Santana could remember, she loathed the smell of places like this. It reminded her of her unplanned visits to the hospital whenever she got into "little accidents". A few broken bones here and there, appendicitis, a number of cuts and grazes from a motor cross accident when Brittany tried to teach her one time. Her father was always on call and she would always be greeted by a disapproving face, like she's done nothing but fail. She's thankful for the past two years or so that she doesn't have to face her father whenever she got into medical trouble. He was still working back in Ohio and there was no way they were relocating anytime soon, especially after what happened to her brother. Her mother had been very understanding as always, reassuring Santana that it was no one's fault but her father had been narrow minded, as always, silently blaming Santana and Brittany for the events that unfolded a few months back. The mention of the blonde's name in her head ticked something. <em>Where is Brittany?<em>

"Brittany?" she called out, just like the first time. The muffled voices seem to move close and closer until she could recognise them. Quinn and Rachel were standing beside her bed, one on either side with a worried look plastered on their faces. "Quinn, where's Britt?"

The hazel eyed woman took her hands and squeezed them, "Santana, do you know what happened? Can you remember anything before this?"

She tried to swallow but her throat felt dry, "Water, I need water."

Rachel walked towards the bedside table and grabbed a glass of water and handed it to the other brunette carefully. Santana took drank the whole glass, relieving her thirst.

"I just remember being in jail, then Britt picked me up. We were arguing in the car, I was being an asshole and then we stopped at a leeway, then she was trying to get back to the highway and..." then suddenly, something clicked. Flashes of images, the argument, Brittany telling her she's moving in with Quinn and Rachel, her desperate plead and then a car slamming into the driver's side. She began to shake violently as tears welled up her eyes, "Oh my god! Oh god. Where is she? Where the hell is Brittany? Quinn! _Tell me, please_."

Rachel looked as if she was also going to burst in tears so Quinn stepped up and threw her hands around her friend, trying to comfort her as much as possible. "Sssh, Santana, you need to relax, your injuries will get worse."

"I don't fucking care Quinn. Tell me where Brittany is!" she cried out trying to sit up but her pain was shooting through her body at different parts.

"Santana," Rachel began, trying not to cry herself, "Brittany is, she's..."

"Fucking tell me or I will rip all these wires off me. I swear to God, Rachel." She pleaded, desperately.

"She's in the ICU." She breathed out.

"Is she going to be okay? Can I see her? I wanna see her!" her mind was in complete breakdown mode.

Quinn let her go and sat beside on the bed. "Santana, Brittany hasn't woken up, yet."

"What I don't understand? She'll wake up soon right? I mean I was knocked out, I'm awake now." The Latina reasoned out. Brittany had to wake up soon. She had to.

"She's in coma, Santana. The impact on her side was major. She's suffered internal injuries, and her brain was haemorrhaging." Quinn said with an obvious tone of sadness. "The doctors are hoping, she'll make it through. We're all hoping."

"Oh my God! No. This can't be happening! This can't be real!" Santana cried out, "It's my fault Quinn. I'm a fucking idiot. I should be in the ICU, not Brittany. _I should be dead._"

"No! Santana, quit it!" Quinn shouted, "You need to stop blaming yourself. You need to be strong, for Brittany. She wants you to be strong." This time, the facade that Quinn was trying to pull off has failed. She was now in tears, along with Rachel.

"Quinn, she has to wake up. She needs to. I have to tell her that it's not her fault, that nothing was her fault. I can't live with myself if anything happened to her. I just can't live without her. Do you understand me?" Santana looked up, her face in complete and utter dismay.

Quinn looked over to Rachel then back to Santana, "Yes, I understand you. We're here okay? We'll get through this. The doctors are doing everything they can. You need to have faith in Britt, she's a strong one. She'll make it through."

Indeed, Quinn was right. Brittany has always been the strong one. Despite what everyone around them thinks, under the innocent, ditzy persona, Brittany always stayed strong and optimistic for both of them. There have been times when Santana found herself giving up, losing hope and her girlfriend would hold her tight, her wordless encouragement pushed Santana through, and at this moment, she needed to feel Brittany's embrace. To tell her everything is going to be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>Bare in mind guys, I have no idea what the next chapter is going to be like! So we're all waiting to see what will happen!<strong>


	8. Dealing With The Card You're Dealt With

**Hey guys, I hope you liked the previous chapter! I want to show more Brittana interactions but it's obviously quite difficult right now as Brittany is still unconscious! Please bare with me! Hopefully, I'm conveying Santana's emotions well. I'm still undecided about what will actually happen to Brittany to be honest! Reviews are very much appreciated !ENJOY!**

**(Also, I am so sorry if I can't update as much as I want to, I'm currently working 6/7 days so I'm pretty knackered!)**

* * *

><p>It had been two long days before Santana was allowed to see Brittany. Two agonizing days where she laid in bed, not able to do anything, not even a glance at her girlfriend. It hurt too much for her to stay awake, physically and emotionally. After speaking to the doctors she found out that she has multiple rib fractures and a broken leg but nothing too extreme for medical troubles. However, she certainly did not feel relieve after hearing about her condition when Brittany was still lying somewhere in this hospital, unconscious, in coma. Nothing could ever make Santana feel better at this point until her girlfriend wakes up. Until she could tell her how big of an idiot she's been for the past two months for letting Brittany feel miserable and alone. She finds herself in those two days, wide awake, thoughts running through her tired brain. All the "what ifs?" flood through her mind like a catastrophic tidal wave, destroying every trace of optimism left in her but she had to be strong, not for her sake, but for Brittany's.<p>

Today is the day. The doctor in charge of Brittany's case told her that she's allowed to go and see her girlfriend as her vitals seem stable. Unfortunately, the blonde dancer still remained unconscious and there was no way of telling if—_when _she's going to wake up but this was better than nothing. This was better than lying awake in her bed not being able to be near her presence. Maybe if she could talk to Brittany, somehow, someway, a miracle would happen and she'd wake up. Now she's being all religious, fucking religious. Santana has never believed in spiritual bullshit but here she was cradling a single strand of hope that whoever is the "highest power" out there, would give her what she wants, _needs_.

Her deep thoughts were interrupted by a pair of footsteps approaching her bed. She snaps back to reality and sees Quinn smiling at her sympathetically.

"Hey you. How are you feeling today?" The hazel eyed woman asked her. She's been down to visit yesterday as well with Rachel.

"Hey, I'm okay. The pain is slowly going away." She replied, talking about the physical pain, not the emotional trauma she's going through.

"I'm glad." Quinn smiled again, "Are you ready to see Britt?"

"I've been ready since I got to this hospital, Q." She replied, shifting her weight slightly, "I just need her to be okay. I don't know what I would do. I want her to tell me what to do."

"S, just try to be optimistic. Okay? A little faith goes a long way. Trust me." Quinn said reassuringly. "You don't have to be religious to have faith. You just have to find something you believe in so strongly and cling on to that."

"I believe that Brittany and I are meant to be together, to grow old together. I'm not ready, nor will I ever be, to let her go. I won't allow it." She said with so much conviction, for the first time in a while.

* * *

><p>Brittany's room was brighter than hers. It was a great metaphor for the blonde's infectious, bubbly personality. It was filled with a selection bouquets and greeting cards from friends and family. Everyone loves Brittany. She's the most likable person in the whole universe. Her friendliness and genuine smile always worked for her advantage as she made friends so easily. Santana has always been amazed at her girlfriend's ability to adapt in social situations so easily. However, this Brittany she was seeing was a lot different.<p>

The she lay peacefully in the middle of the room. Her blonde hair was trapped underneath the gauze that wrapped around her forehead. There were wires _everywhere._ Something to help her breathe, something to help her eat, they're all there to keep her alive. She needs to be alive. Her injuries had mostly been internal and this worried Santana more because physically, she is there, whole and apart from a few broken bones she's still intact. However what she couldn't see bothered her so much. What about her brain, her internal organs, her heart? Santana felt a wave of nausea take over her and she found herself in tears again.

"San, are you sure you can handle this?" Quinn asked worriedly as she pushed her friend's wheelchair inside the room.

"I need to see her Quinn. I need to talk to her." She managed to say in between her tears.

Quinn pushed the wheelchair right up to Brittany's bedside, just enough so that Santana could reach her hands. "Do you want me to give you guys a moment?"

Santana looked up to her, "Thank you, Q."

"I'll be outside okay." She replied, giving the Latina's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

* * *

><p>Now Quinn has left the room, she's alone with Brittany for the first time since the accident. She looks so fragile and it's breaking Santana's heart so goddamn much to sit here and look at her like this. Brittany who's always energetic and happy, lying on this bed unconscious and helpless, Santana could not fathom how the hell they ended up here. How her girlfriend ended up here.<p>

She took Brittany's hand and held it up to her cheek. "B, I'm so sorry."

Tears started to escalate down her face, as she held the blonde's hand tighter. "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through since Marco's accident. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm such an idiot for letting you believe that it was your fault."

She imagined that Brittany was here, with her, conscious and very much alive.

"_San, don't blame it on yourself okay? I'll be fine, you just wait and see."_

"I can't help but blame myself Britt 'cos I know it is my fault. I just need you to stay strong, please. I need you to come back so I can tell you how much I love you, and see you smile again." she pleads, desperately, as she holds the blonde's hand to her cheek.

"_I will be back Santana. We'd go to the park and feed the ducks and cuddle on the grass."_

"Of course we'll feed the ducks and cuddle on the grass." She tried to smile. _What the actual fuck, she has lost her mind and she's talking to herself_. "Britt, I miss you so much. I haven't really been myself for the past couple of months and I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. I regret not saying that to you the last two months because you know I still felt it. I was a coward, and I was weak, so I couldn't say it. I let the accident get in the way of us when it should have brought us closer and believe me I regret every single fucking day that I acted like that."

"_San, you need to stop swearing!I love you too. Of course I do and the past is past. We can work on the future when I get back."_

"Britt, baby, I need you back. I'd give everything, anything to have you back in an instant. Heck, I'd give up my own life if it means you get to come back."

"_How can I enjoy that life without you though, San? Don't say that please."_

"Okay, I'm sorry but really B, just please be strong and hold on. I'll be strong for the both of us okay? I'll wait. I love you." Somehow she hoped the hand would feel a squeeze, even a slight one, from Brittany. But there was nothing, just a steady beep, indicating that her heart is still functioning. That she's still here and Santana will continue hoping, she'll continue to hold on to their love because somewhere amidst all the wires and machines, she knows Brittany is still present, her heart beat is still dedicated to her.

* * *

><p>After half an hour of talking to Brittany, <em>or really herself<em>, Santana was called to sit with the doctor so he can discuss some things with her regarding her girlfriend's current condition. It was a tricky situation, Santana was aware that the doctor will try to mellow things down a bit for her because she, herself, hasn't recovered properly. It's a trade secret she's been exposed ever since she could remember. Medical talks around the dining table with her family, where her father, usually he did all the talking, discussed his day, going through almost every single patient he'd seen that day. Santana always rolled her eyes inwardly. It got old and too boring for her to listen to such tragedies regarding her father's patients when their family dynamics were in shambles. There never was a _"How was your day, Santana?"_ from her father, that conversation was always reserved for her mother and Marco. The young Latina always tried to convince herself that he was just a busy man, it doesn't mean he doesn't care. He just shows it in a different way. She got whatever she wanted since she was a young girl but that never really felt enough. It was the way he looked at her, she just couldn't place it. His eyes were hard and cold, a complete opposite to the way he looked at her brother and her mother. It was as if, there was some unspoken grudge that Santana never knew about. No matter how much she tried to make him happy, it was never enough. She'll never be enough.

So here she was sat in a small treatment room with Quinn by her side, waiting patiently for the doctor. A few minutes later, he walked in with charts in his hands, offering them a smile. He was young for his profession, around his late thirties, Santana reckons. Traces of grey hair evident on his features, his form was good, it was obvious that he worked out regularly. He wore a genuine look of care, he seemed like a nice person.

"Hi, I'm Dr Fitzgerald, Head of Neurosurgery." he smiled offering his right hand to the brunette.

"Santana Lopez, Brittany's girlfriend. It's nice to finally meet you." she said politely, taking the hand that he offered, his handshake was firm and reassuring.

"Quinn Fabray, I'm one of their bestfriends." she smiled, offering the same gesture.

"Nice to meet you both." he replied, flicking through Brittany's charts. "So, we're here to discuss Ms Pierce's condition. Brittany has Anoxic brain injury caused by the trauma during the crash. Now, we have performed surgery on her when she first got here to stop the bleeding in her brain and so far, we have that under control." he stated confidently.

"She's going to wake up soon, right?" Santana questioned with a hopeful tone.

He flicked through the charts again, pausing for a few moments. Quinn instinctively put her hand on the brunette's knee and gave it a light squeeze for reassurance.

"It's hard to tell right now, Ms Lopez—"

"Santana. Call me Santana."

"Santana, it's a difficult prediction. It could be days, months, we're doing the best we can. Her brain activities are stable so she's there. It's just a waiting game, I'm afraid." he looked at her apologetically. There was nothing her could do, he's done his best.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Quinn asked trying to change the subject slightly as it was obvious that her friend was on the verge of crying.

"At this moment, all we can do is hope for her fast recovery. Talk to her during your visits, it could stimulate further brain activity." he advised.

Santana looked up from her current state of concern. "Will she be...is she going to remember things? I mean I have heard many stories from my father that some coma patients wake up not remembering anything or just not fully there. Will she be okay?"

He sighed sympathetically. "I'll be completely honest with you Ms Lop— _Santana, _it's a possibility that she could wake up with an amnesia. Whether it's temporary or not is the question. However, it could also be that she wakes up just fine, a little bit confused in the beginning, but just fine. I have seen cases worse than hers before, now I don't want to promise anything, but based on her stable vitals, it's just a matter of time till she gains consciousness."

She forced a smile on her face, trying not to show her vulnerability, but inside she was crumbling into pieces. All the questions, all the possibilities, all the unknowns just bothered her so fucking much. She wanted to yell at him, to tell him to do this fucking job better but she knew it was no good. He's done everything, he's trying to do everything and the least she could so was sit here calmly, being careful not to hysterically burst into tears. Not in front of this stranger. He's right, she should just wait patiently but being patient has never been one of her skills. Especially now that her girlfriend is lying on a hospital bed, under a very deep state of slumber. She could feel her heart tighten in pain, like it was pumping too much blood all at once, it was hard to breathe. She looked over at Quinn who gave her a sympathetic look and felt her arm pull her into a hug. There were no words to describe it really, she just felt her body collapse under her friend's arms and the tears involuntarily escaped from her eyes. She didn't care about how her fragility was on full show at this very moment. She didn't care that she was ruining Quinn's top from her messy crying and that her body shook relentlessly as if it was going through an overload. She did not care about anything except for the chance to see those deep blue eyes and her infectious smile, once again. And to be able to tell her she loves her, and for her to hear it. She needed her to her those three words, even if there was a chance that it would be the last time.

* * *

><p><strong>SO, what did you guys think? Damn, I feel so sorry for Santana! I wanna hug her so bad! haha..comments and reviews are appreciated! Muchos gracias! <strong>


	9. The Faith That Keeps Me Going

**So here's another chapter! There will be some progress on this one cos I know you're all anxious to find out what's going on with Brittany! So here it goes, I hope you like it! So far, I've written till Chapter 10 so beyond that, I still have no clue what's going to happen! Reviews are very useful to me guys! Thank you!**

**(AND please bare with me if I don't update as much after this because my job is currently taking up my whole life! I'm still trying to think of future plots so stay tuned!)**

* * *

><p>Another week has passed and Brittany still lay on her hospital bed, unconscious. Santana came to visit her every moment she could whilst also trying to get back on her feet, literally. It's a painful process, taking your first steps in more than a week, she could still feel the pain caused by her broken bones but she needs to push through. Being bound to a wheel chair isn't something she'd want to take as a full time job. The faster she recovers, the faster she can help take care of Brittany, instead of leaving her to the nurses and the doctors. She wanted to be there for her, all the time, physically too. It's been a struggle to say the least. Quinn and Rachel visited almost every day to keep her company and her other friends popped by too to see how's she's doing. It's good, to see other people and to remind her that there is still life outside the four walls she's bound in, but no amount of entertainment from her friends made her forget that the love of her life was lying on a bed in the ICU fighting for her dear life, every fucking second of the day.<p>

During this past week, she also found herself praying. Who she's praying to is the question but that's beside the point. Santana, "self-proclaimed badass, I don't need any help from anyone", Lopez is praying her damn heart out, everyday. Yes, she grew up under a strict Catholic household but it was never an environment she loved. She went to church till she was 15 and then eventually discovered her own religion—_teenage rebellion. _So for her to be in her room talking to "someone", asking them to please, please heal Brittany is a big fucking deal. She hasn't even told Quinn because she's not entirely sure what the hell she's doing anyway. I mean there haven't been any changes to Brittany's condition; maybe she's doing something wrong. Maybe this praying business is not really her thing, or maybe she's lost he goddamn mind and submitted herself to loony town.

So here she was again, beside Brittany. Now she can kind of walk, or hobble around, she spends most of her time here in her girlfriend's room talking to her. Brittany has now turned ghostly white; the lack of sunshine has turned taken the luminance of her skin tone away but she was still beautiful. She will always be beautiful.

"Britt, how are you today?" she asks taking a seat on the bed. "Today's been boring for me, as usual. I had physical therapy just to get me back walking properly instead of this hobbling mess I am right now. You'd laugh at me if you could see what I have to do. It's so stupid! Like teaching a baby how to walk."

She paused, pushing blonde hair behind Brittany's ears. Now they took the gauze wrapped around her forehead, she's looked more like the Brittany she's always known. "The doctors say your vitals are steady. That's good right? I mean it'd be better if you woke up, I miss you so much. I miss hearing your voice. I just miss you."

She shifted on the bed to lay beside her girlfriend with extreme care so she doesn't budge any machines or pull out any wires accidentally. She put her arm across the taller woman's stomach, and rested her chin on her should. Even though they've been here a little over a week, Brittany's scent was still there and it was a reminder that she's going to come back, soon. Her thoughts led her to her exhaustion and she found herself drifting off to sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Britt, I feel hot." Santana stated as she sat on the couch next to Brittany who was busy watching her morning cartoon shows, with Lord Tubbington on the floor, next to her.<em>

_A pair of blue eyes lit up with a suggestive smile. Brittany turned to face Santana, "Oh San, you're so naughty, we just did it this morning, but I like that idea." _

_Santana chuckled in amusement, her lips forming a familiar smirk. "Babe, as much as I'd like to, I mean I feel hot, as in, I think I have a fever."_

"_Oh." Brittany pouted, "My baby is sick."_

_Since Santana could remember, Brittany has always liked playing the nurse game. Of course throughout the years this game of theirs has evolved dramatically. When they were little kids, the game consisted of a stethoscope that the brunette stole from her father, her fake medical kit she got on one of her birthdays and some makeshift equipments the two girls have "invented". As they got older, the game's innocence slowly faded away. The candy stripper outfit came in, then the seductive tones of voices, then the dirty talks, role playing, strap-ons—the thought itself was making Santana hot and bothered but yes, in some very rare occasions, she is genuinely ill. But Brittany being Brittany, still likes to play the game, of course without the sex, just the cute, caring Nurse Brittany that she is._

"_B, don't you think we're getting too old for this game?" Santana asked, curiously._

_A fake shocked expression spread on the blondes features, "You'll never be too old, you'll always be my baby." She smiled planting a kiss on the brunette's temple. "Now, lay on the couch and I'll get you a blanket and make you some chicken soup and we can have a Jersey Shore marathon."_

_The Latina smiled at the thought, "Hmm, lazy day with Nurse B. I like it. I like you, no I love you."_

"_Wuv you too Sanny." Brittany said in her "talking to a baby" voice and left the room to go get a blanket and make some soup._

_/_

_After an hour or so, she felt a nudge on her side, waking her up from her "not so deep" slumber. Brittany was carrying a tray with hot chicken soup, bread and a glass of water and sat down on the couch. Santana sat up to make some room._

"_It smells so good, B." She was starving, like totally starving. She hadn't had anything to eat since their "breakfast in bed". God, her jokes are appalling._

_Brittany put the tray on her lap, careful not to tip it over. "Now, let me feed my sick little Sanny."_

"_B, you really don't have to put the voice on. I feel like a little child, and since I still find you incredibly hot, as Nurse Brittany, it's a little disturbing." Santana explained. _

"_But you're my little Sanny." She still said with the voice on._

_Santana sighed jokingly and smiled. Brittany is the most adorable human being on this fucking planet, she just could not help but admit. "Okay, Nurse B."_

_/_

_They were now curled up on the sofa, watching the fourth Jersey Shore episode of the day. The meal has gone down well for Santana although she still felt crappy, even after the Advil she took. But this was nice, lying on the couch with Brittany being the big spoon, their bodies fit together so perfectly. Now and then, the taller woman plants kisses on her shoulder, holding her as close as possible. If it weren't for her goddamn fever, they'd be playing another one of their favourite games right now, considering how little clothing they have on. Brittany was wearing a wife beater and her duck printed boxers, no underwear, for sure. Santana was just wearing an oversized T-shirt and her panties, no bra. She could feel the blonde's breasts pressing on her back, and she could not help but feel the need to kiss Brittany. She turns around to face an expectant pair of blue eyes._

"_You're such a tease, Britt!" she smiled._

"_Was it working? I thought you were sick, huh?" Brittany joked, pulling her closer._

"_I am, and I don't want you to get sick but you are asking for it."_

"_Oh, is that a threat, Santana?" her voice was dark and low._

"_B, be careful what you ask for." She cocked her eyebrow suggestively._

"_I think I'll be just fine." The blonde replied, hastily closing the gap between them, pressing her lips onto her lover's._

_The kiss was deep, heated and full of lust just like the way the kissed during those sneaky moments in the Cheerio's changing room after practice, way back in the day. It was urgent, Santana licked the bottom of Brittany's lips and the blonde obliged, giving her tongue full access. As their tongues danced around in their familiar rhythm, their hands wandered, exploring the curves and dips of each other's body. Santana's hand snaked under Brittany's top, palming her toned abs, scratching lightly which caused her blonde to moan into the kiss. On the other hand, Brittany went straight for the rambunctious twins and started kneading and playing with the right nipple between her thumb and index finger. In response to this, the brunette, pressed herself into Brittany, tangling their legs together as she flipped them so now, Santana was straddling her girlfriend._

"_Are...you...sure..." Brittany tried to gather her words in between kisses, "you feel okay?"_

_Santana broke the kiss and gave the "don't I look okay?" look to Brittany. "B, if I wasn't okay, I won't be dry humping you right now." She smiled cockily, as she continued her assault on Brittany's neck. Licking and sucking, licking and sucking._

_Brittany felt reassured that her girlfriend wouldn't pass out or anything because of her fever. She'll pass out later anyway but, that's a different story, so she hiked up Santana's t-shirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it somewhere in the living room. She sat up to trail her tongue over the valley of her breasts, slowly and teasingly. Santana whimpers in response tilting her head back slightly, enjoying the sensation of the blonde's tongue on her skin. Brittany captured her left breast in her mouth and started tracing circles around her nipple which caused her to buck her hip into her girlfriend, pressing their cores impossibly close. They were both sweating, it was so goddamn hot in this room, and this didn't exactly cool things down. Santana urgently rid Brittany of her tank top and she stood up to pull off her panties and her girlfriend's boxer shorts. Now they were fully naked, everything seemed even hotter. She could feel the sweat coming from Brittany's body and the wetness from her core and it was almost enough to push her over the edge. She snaked a hand down between them to feel the pool of wet heat in between the blonde's legs._

"_Water." Brittany mouthed._

"_Huh? Britt?" Santana looked at her confused._

"_I need water." Brittany muttered. "San, you're squishing me."_

_She felt a light nudge, sending her back to reality._

* * *

><p>Santana felt a slight movement beside her as she opened her eyes, recovering from her nap. She was still in Brittany's room but she's not quite sure how long she's been here for. How long did she pass out for? More importantly, why is someone saying her name, nudging her and she sounds like—<p>

"Brittany!" Santana exclaimed as she turned to face the person beside her.

Brittany's eyes were searching the room, clearly confused about her whereabouts and why she's tangled in this wired mess. "San? I need water."

"_Oh my Lord! Thank God, you're awake!"_ Santana expressed, serious about thanking "God". Holy crap, Brittany is awake. "I'm going to give the doctor a buzz." She said pressing the buzzer near the blonde's bed.

She took the glass of water sitting on the bedside table, which was intended for her and handed it to Brittany. "Here you go. How are you feeling? Are you okay? I was so worried about you, B. I've missed you so much."

Brittany drank the whole glass of water, for some reason she was really thirsty. "What happened? How long have I been out for?" she asked, still trying to get used to the use of her vocal chords. Her voice sounded strained.

"It's been more than a week baby." Santana answered, feeling her eyes well up in happiness.

Their rendezvous was interrupted when the doctor and some nurses came in to check on Brittany. They did the routine tests and checked her vitals to make sure she was okay. They took her away for a CT scan, an MRI and a bunch of x-rays. It was a lengthy process but it was all to make sure that she didn't have any complications etc. Santana waited in her room patiently, full of anticipation. She needed to talk to her and apologize, tell her how much she loves her. She just needs to do so many things and her brain is going into overload. Brittany is back, she's awake and that is the best fucking news ever. Quinn and Rachel have already been informed of this progress and they were going to be at the hospital after work, so till then, Santana anxiously sat on the couch in Brittany's room, waiting for her girlfriend to return.4

* * *

><p><strong>WOOO SHE'S AWAKE! By popular demand, I decided not to kill off Britt because I would probably be too sad to function and write the rest of this fanfiction if that happened! haha..hope you enjoyed it!<strong>


	10. Time Isn't Of The Essence

**Hey guys, here's another update! So far I've written up to chapter 12. Not gonna lie, I've been struggling due to work and social life etc! But I am doing my best and your comments are what gets me through! thank you to the reviews so far; I appreciate it! Hopefully you'll like this one. It's kind of a mixed point of view chapter. It's only fair we hear Brittany's side so we know what she's thinking! Anyway, rant over. Comments and reviews are appreciated! THANK YOU!**

* * *

><p>Brittany was in a state of total confusion. What the hell happened? How long was has she been in coma? The doctor ran through information with her but he kept using big words and she just lost track of what he was saying. Then they took her to undergo loads and loads of tests, going through machines that looked like alien spaceships and she thought she was getting experimented on which really panicked her but the young nurse reassured her that everything was going to be okay. It was such a long, tiring day of tests and what not, the doctors asking her some questions, possibly testing her memory. This worried her again because she's never been really good at tests and her memory isn't that great either. She didn't want to fail and be kept in this hospital for another week.<p>

Although she was going through all these complex procedures, her mind wanders back to someone in her room. Santana. It was the way her features shifted when she opened her eyes to find Brittany awake. She was genuinely happy, and it was a surprise to Brittany because for the last two months, eye contact was a rare thing from Santana. Heck, trying to get a smile to crawl up her luscious lips was a task as impossible as living on Mars. Yet, there she was, on her crutches, standing beside the bed, smiling her face off. She swore she would have jumped if her current physical situation allowed her to. Brittany was happy of course, to see her like this. She was relieved. But the question that remained in her head was, "_Did I have to almost die, for her to forgive me?_" and it bothered her because she's not usually the type of person who would analyze situations so deeply, but here she was lying on the bed that's been wheeled around the corridor thinking about it.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt the bed coming to a complete halt. She's back in her room, and Santana was getting up from the couch with some difficulty. She hobbled towards her bed, still smiling, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hi." She greeted, meekly but with an obvious tone of excitement.

"Hey, San." she glanced up meeting intense dark brown eyes; signs that she'd been crying were quite obvious.

"Britt, I'm so happy you're awake. You have no idea. I'm so sorry about everything that's— "she began but was unexpectedly cut off by the blonde.

"San, not right now. Please. I need some time to process everything." She found the words escaping her lips before they even passed through her brain.

Santana's features curled up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I, Well, I remember not ending things well before the crash," she started. What was she trying to say here? "And, this doesn't mean things are back to the way they were."

The brunette bowed her head in sadness. Brittany had the right to be upset with her and what the hell was she on, thinking that when Brittany wakes up everything would be back to the way they were? "I understand, Britt. I'll give you time, all the time you want."

"Thank You, Santana."

Santana took the blonde's hand in her own and squeezed it gently. "I do want you to know that I am sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon because what I did to you was unforgivable and I kick myself everyday for it. Also, this whole thing just confirmed something—_I love you more than anything in this life. Heck, you are my life Britt. _I just want to tell you because I've realized that time is something we should never take for granted."

Brittany looked at Santana, her eyes searching the brown eyes that cried in front of her. She squeezed her hand back, "I love you too, San. I just need some time okay?"

"Okay." The Latina whispered against Brittany's temple as she planted a kiss.

* * *

><p>Time passed by quickly for both of them. They chatted casually, Santana was trying to bite her tongue most of the time to stop herself from blurting out some emotional bullshit because she was trying to fulfill Brittany' request from earlier on. She wanted time and Santana is trying her best to postpone important talks because it's what her girlfriend wants and after everything else, it was the least she could do for her. However, it wasn't easy. The Latina is fully aware that time means nothing at all. A second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year...infinity? It doesn't mean anything because she has recently discovered that you can lose the people you love any fucking time. She's been through this now, twice, and it bothered her that she can't tell Brittany all the things she wants to say. Tomorrow is another day and what if something happens, what if something went wrong, what if—<p>

"San, are you okay?" Brittany asked, the brunette has that look on her face, the one that indicates she was deep in thought.

Santana turned to face her girlfriend and smiled, "Yeah babe, I'm fine. I just, I'm so happy."

The blonde returned the smile, although she knew there were a lot of things to be sorted in the future, she was also happy just being here, talking about nothing important. Just like the good old days.

"Oh my goodness, Britt! I'm so glad you're back!" they heard a familiar voice making them turn to the doorway to see the very excited Rachel Berry carrying a gigantic bouquet of flowers with Quinn a few steps behind her, smiling widely. The shorter brunette ran to the bed, dumping the bouquet on the sofa. She hugged Brittany gently.

"It's good to see you too Rach! Hi Quinn!" she greeted. Quinn, took the seat next to Santana, offering her an "I'm glad she's back look."

"Hey, Britt, so glad you've decided to come back and join us." Quinn joked. "How are you feeling?"

Brittany looked over to Santana who has now turned quiet, still stuck in her deep thoughts. "Uhm, yeah okay, I guess. I'm glad some of the wires are off me. They took me to those weird rooms with machines that look like space ships. It was an experience. How have you guys been?"

Rachel took this opportunity to speak for both of them, like most times. Quinn and Santana just gave each other the "yeah, it's Rachel" look. "Oh Brittany, we have been so utterly worried about you and Santana. She has been a wreck, crying like a baby. I'm just so overly thrilled you're okay now."

Brittany flashed Santana a knowing look. "I'm glad I'm back too. I've missed you guys."

"So have you heard if they're going to discharge you soon?" Quinn asked.

"I'm not sure yet," she replied turning to Santana, "San?"

Santana once again, went back to reality, "Uhm, they said atleast couple of days, B. They're just making sure everything is okay."

"And what are the arrangements? Who's going to take care of you guys?" Rachel asked curiously.

Santana hasn't really thought about it. "I'll take care of Britt, of course."

"San, you're still in crutches. I don't want you to tire yourself out. I should really call my mom, or sister. Maybe they can pick me up; I could stay with them for a while." Brittany stated. This is really the first time she mentioned moving out again.

Sadness flashed on the Latina's features and Quinn and Rachel were very quick to notice.

"No guys. Quinn and I both talked to our bosses and they've allowed us a week off each, not on the same week, so that will be two weeks. We can totally help right, babe?" Rachel eyed Quinn, she needed no words to portray her conviction.

"Yes, that's right. So there's absolutely no need to call your mom or sister Britt, apart from, of course, telling them that you're awake. They live miles away, we can handle it, and Santana's getting better every day. She'll be up and running in no time." Quinn replied, giving the Latina's shoulder a squeeze.

Brittany was hesitant but Quinn was right, there was no point of dragging her mother all the way out to L.A. to see her like this. She'll just worry and stress too much and she's not exactly getting any younger and her sister would be too busy with the kids, she doesn't really want to take her away and let her young family deal without her. She felt bad for dropping the idea to Santana just like that and now, the brunette's feature were wrapped in a look of melancholy and hasn't said much since. She just sat there, looking at Brittany with pleading eyes, asking her not to leave.

"You're right. That's probably for the best. Thank you in advance." Brittany smiled.

They continued their casual chat and the atmosphere lightened up a bit, although in the corner of her eyes, she swore she saw Santana wipe an unwanted tear on her cheek.

* * *

><p>When Brittany, Quinn and Rachel were chatting animatedly about life in general, she saw her opportunity to slip out of the room, giving the classic "toilet break excuse" before hobbling towards the comfort of her own hospital room. She sat down on her bed still trying to process what just happened during their conversation a few moments ago. Brittany still wanted to move out, of course she did. And this has been the first time that it dawned on Santana. It never really crossed her mind that one day, Britt would jump ship. It's not her fault, it's the situation. The Latina never anticipated this because from the very beginning, the blonde was always sure of herself regarding their situation. She was very vocal about her attraction with Santana, about having feelings for her; about everything that eventually lead them to being together, <em>together.<em>

It was different for Santana. She knew she was attracted to Brittany, she knew she wanted to be with her and she knew exactly when she fell in love with her but the difference is that she kept it to herself. She denied it; fought it, for a very long time because that's who she is. She's the girl who never let her emotional guard down because she was afraid of getting attached because she knew it would only lead to heart ache at the end of the day. On the other hand, Brittany, when she wanted something, when she feels something, she's not ashamed to say it because she's the type of person who believes on acting on how you feel. To her, there was no point in wasting time, she knew what she wanted and she knew what she wanted to do about it. It's what makes Brittany so special. So for her to tell the brunette implicitly that she wanted out of their apartment was a major deal. She seemed sure about it and Santana can't really do much to change her mind. Where was her good argument? She hasn't exactly been "girlfriend of the year" for the past few months so it would be more difficult for her to convince to stay. Yes, she'll be staying for the time being but in the pit of the brunette's gut, she knew that as soon as Brittany recovers, she'd find a way to walk out the door; in the nicest way possible, only leaving Santana to regret every fucking day even more.

"A penny for your thoughts?" a voice asked, she looked up to find Quinn standing at her doorway, sporting a concerned smile.

Santana forced a smile back, "It's nothing, really Q. You and Rachel have done more than enough; you didn't need to volunteer to babysit us for two weeks. I could have managed."

"What, with your expert hobbling skills?" she jokes walking towards the brunette, sitting on the bed, "Besides I know you guys would do the same thing for us. You're family, Santana. We stick together."

"Wow, you're like a hallmark advert." She laughed lightly.

"At least I made you laugh. You've been very quiet today. It's disconcerting. Aren't you supposed to be jumping, well at least trying, up and down?"

"I'm beyond happy, Q. I'm so fucking relieved she's awake and she seems great..." she paused, trying to gather the right words.

"But..." Quinn starts, sensing her friend's doubt.

"But, I don't think she wants to be with me anymore. I think she really did make her mind up that night. And Q, I can't see her leave me. I just can't." Her eyes filled with tears that she tried to hold back.

Quinn rested her hand on Santana's leg; this seems to be their new thing. "Santana, it's probably best if you give her some time to think. I think right now, you just need to be there for her. Show her that you're there. You're Brittany and Santana, and I believe that you guys will find your way back."

"What if we don't?" she questioned looking at hazel eyes with such a pained expression.

"Don't let that be an option. You guys have been through so much. You've had arguments, fights, misunderstandings and you pulled through it all. Why let this one be any different?"

"Because a life was lost and another life was _almost_ lost. It's not just another misunderstanding, Q. It's different." She reasoned out.

"But the way you love her is still the same, and I can see in her eyes that that's also the case for her. Fight for her Santana, and this time, don't postpone it or I will personally kick your ass." She smiled at her friend, reaching over to wipe a tear off her face.

"You're the best, Q." She leaned over to give her a hug.

"I get that a lot." Quinn joked as she shrugged her shoulders.

* * *

><p><strong>Still more trouble in paradise? I'm loving Quinntana friendship btw! These two are totally bros!<strong>


	11. The Game We Seem To Play

**Hello guys! First of all, apologies for the lack of updates. Work has just been pretty hectic and I've been going out a lot too! However, I've been trying to write chapters at work; or atleast starting them so I have a few new chapters written. Please be patient with the story; you have to understand that I don't just want to "fix" the problem straight away! haha...i might introduce new conflicts, I'm not too sure yet. But anyway, here's one for you! Comments and reviews are appreciated. I get so happy when I receive little emails from some of you saying nice things and also, when I get notifications of people putting this on their fave story list! haha.. Thank you!**

* * *

><p>Two days was not enough time; Santana figured. They rolled into one continuous day full of medical tests, questions, visiting friends and relatives. She doesn't even remember spending a moment alone with Brittany due to these interruptions. The blonde doesn't seem fazed by it all; she was her usual bubbly self to everyone, coming up with the most random comments; just like Brittany. Santana longed for a moment of peace; to sit beside her girlfriend and talk about their situation or to just lie down beside her and relax. She wanted to feel her warm skin beside her; it always gave her a sense of comfort but she didn't find the time; nor did she think Brittany <em>wanted<em> some time.

So for the past two days she sat patiently along with Quinn, who seemed to be the only one who really noticed the anxiety she was sporting, while Brittany went to all the checkups etc. Her attending doctor gave her the "all clear" two days earlier but the Latina didn't want to go home without her girlfriend; she insisted on staying in the weird smelling hospital room for another two days; she'd been there a week so a couple of days weren't going to make any difference to her. But more importantly, she wanted to make sure everything was alright with Brittany. Her biggest fear was that she'd receive an unwanted call from the hospital telling her something has gone wrong; she didn't want that; she couldn't handle another one of those calls.

Today is finally the day. Dr Fitzgerald stayed true to his words and gave them the good news they've been anticipating for the last two days. Brittany beamed with happiness when he announced that she can finally go back home. Santana remained stoical; she was glad everything finally falling into place but there was a nagging feeling that tugged on her heart. Brittany was on her way to recovery and this meant that the brunette grew more and more anxious to hear what the future looks for them; their future; hopefully together.

"Hey are you okay?" Brittany asked the Latina who seemed to be lost on her thoughts; she'd beeb like this most days.

"Yeah, I'm so glad we're finally getting out of this place. I'm starting to get used to the smell in here." she lied trying to cover up her thoughts; she knew Brittany wasn't ready to talk and some light hearted chat would also do her some good.

"Me too. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, I mean _our _bed." The blonde bit her lip at the slip she made.

"B, it's okay if you want to sleep on the bed on your own. I'll take the couch." The brunette replied nonchalantly.

"I didn't mean it like that, San. I don't want you to sleep on the couch; it's so uncomfortable and lord tubs sleeps there remember? "a smile crept on Brittany's lips which then elicited the same reaction from her girlfriend.

"Of course I remember, B." she smiled resting her hand on her girlfriend's lap. She missed times like these and she was more than happy to share the same bed with Brittany again; she didn't care about sleeping with her; she just wanted the intimacy of cuddling with her girlfriend. She wanted for things to go back to the way they were so desperately that she'd take any opportunity to her advantage. "Quinn and Rachel are on their way to pick us up. Do you need anything from the doctor before we go?"

"No, I think I have all I need. Do you?" Brittany replied; and Santana tried her best not to read into it but her mind was already doing the opposite.

"Yeah I do, B." She smiled.

* * *

><p>It wasn't long until the "unicorn couple", Quinn and Rachel, showed up to pick them up. As usual, Berry was yapping on and on about how ecstatic she was to be spending some time with both Brittany and Santana during their recovery period. Quinn spent all the time smirking at Santana trying not to publicly point out the wince she knew her best friend was trying to hide. As much as she was grateful for their friends to take time caring for them; the idea of Rachel being there constantly was something she'd never even contemplated before. It took her long enough to even accept that her best friend was dating her. Brittany was, as usual, excited to spend time with them and so the Latina bit her tongue to stop herself from letting out a sarcastic comment that might hurt Rachel and Brittany's feelings. Quinn would understand though; she always knew Santana was trying.<p>

"It's okay, S, we can just play some Call of Duty while these two bake fairy cakes and shit." Quinn whispered out of nowhere making the brunette jump a little on the sofa.

Santana gave her the "how did you know?" look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Quinn let out a chuckle, "Oh please, Lopez. Give me more credit here. You're eyes would have turned inside out from rolling them every time Rach said "hang out together." I know you."

"You know me too well, apparently. I can't even hide my thoughts; that's a little disturbing to be honest." Santana exhaled, "Sorry, Q, it's just you know when I spend too much time with Rachel, I get—"

"Really bitchy and sarcastic?" Quinn laughed, "It's okay, I understand."

"I knew it! You get annoyed with her too! But you're too whipped to say anything." Santana remarked with a smug look on her face.

"That's not what I said. Rachel is great company." Quinn defended.

"Yeah if your life to be a series of musical train wrecks." the Latina joked.

"Be nice, Lopez." Quinn playfully punched her friend's arm.

"Jeez, Q. Watch it, I'm recovering, remember?" She said in a fake hurt tone.

"Woman up, Santana."

* * *

><p>The drive back to their apartment was quite the journey. Quinn drove as Rachel yapped. Santana wanted to put a pair of ear plugs in to save her hearing senses but she didn't have access to one. Instead, she decided to focus on Brittany who was sitting beside her; intently listening to Rachel's opinions on the current Broadway shows. They were sat close to each other; knees touching; Santana wanted to wrap her arms around the blonde woman but didn't want to interrupt their seemingly intense conversation so she sighed into her seat and tried to block out Berry's annoying voice and drifted off to sleep.<p>

_It was a typical lazy afternoon; Santana and Brittany were still curled up in bed, cuddling. During their first year of living together, they always spent weekends like this. Neither of them had a job, since they both decided to focus on their studies while grasping the idea of being totally independent. So today was no different. All alarm clocks were switched off, phones on silent, landline disconnected. It was their favourite day of the week. _

_They lay in with their limbs tangles with each other under the warmth of their dishevelled bed sheets. Santana could feel Brittany's breath on her skin. This and the skin on skin body heat caused her to slowly open her eyes. It's 1PM and they've still not moved from the bed; not that she's complaining or anything; last night was very exhausting for both of them. She carefully turned around to face her girlfriend, who shifted a little bit but was still definitely asleep. Santana marvelled at the beauty in front of her. She gently moved blonde hair away from the dancer's face and let her fingers caress the side of her face; tracing her jaw line lightly. Brittany is simply stunning. The way the light hit her face; illuminating her fair complexion always took the brunette's breath away. She studied her as she slept; completely oblivious to Santana's eyes staring at her in complete awe._

_"Someday, I will marry you. I promise." she whispered; giving the tip of the blonde's nose a light peck._

_A pair of eyes slowly opens; revealing two blue orbs still hazy and tired. Brittany smiled at the familiar contact between her and her girlfriend and shifted her body closer to Santana; moulding herself into every curve of the brunette's body; a skill she's been accustomed to since they started being intimate with each other._

_"Why are you up so early?" Brittany asked as she planted a soft kiss on the crook of Santana's neck; inhaling the familiar scent of honey and milk._

_Santana smiled at the contact, "Britt, it's one in the afternoon. It's late."_

_"It's still early. It's our lazy weekend, remember?" the taller woman mumbled. "You smell so good."_

_Santana laughed slightly, "You smell so good too, B. Like summer berries."_

_"Hmmm..." she breathed out against caramel skin. "Hey, San?"_

_"Yeah, B?"_

_"I want to marry you too, someday." she said tightening her arms around Santana to show sincerity._

_"I love you so much, Brittany." Santana replied holding her as close as possible; giving her a kiss on her temple._

* * *

><p>She was woken up by a loud screech; the car came to an abrupt halt and she almost made out with the back of the driver's seat. Thank goodness for seat belts. Apparently, Quinn still had dreams of become one of the "Fast and the Furious" characters. Her driving was absolutely mental; something that was so unusual for Quinn Fabray who has been dubbed "the careful one" since they were youngsters. Her dream (or flashback) was interrupted all together and she was a little bit annoyed at that. She looked round, trying to take in her surroundings. They were at their apartment block's parking lot. It was weird being back round here for the first time in almost two weeks.<p>

"Jesus, Quinn. How the hell did you even pass your driver's ed?" Santana asked sarcastically; unbuckling her seatbelt after she made sure the car engine was completely off.

"I have skills, Lopez." She smiled, haughtily. "Is everyone good?"

"Quinn, honey, next time could you please slow down a little?" Rachel pleaded.

"Yeah, Quinn, that was a little fast. I was a kind of scared." Brittany joined along.

"Sorry guys, I got carried away." The hazel eyed driver apologized.

"This is not "Fast and the Furious", Fabray." Santana mocked; opening the car door to hop on outside.

* * *

><p>After struggling to gather their things and transport Brittany in her wheel chair and Santana in her crutches; they finally make it inside their apartment. The place looks a bit cleaner than they last saw it; they figured Quinn and Rachel must have tidied up at some point when they picked up Lord Tubbs. It was nice to be back in their place; the familiar scent of cinnamon incense was comforting for both of them. It was their home; their fortress.<p>

Quinn helped Santana with their bags; she can now hobble with one crutch so at least it's easier for her to move around the house; while Rachel wheeled Brittany straight to the bedroom. It was getting a bit late and they've decided that it was best for Brittany to get ready for bed. There were no objections as Santana also felt very exhausted. She just wanted to curl up in bed beside her girlfriend and snooze off. Quinn and Rachel offered to stay over but the Latina kindly refused their proposition as they looked so worn out too; they would probably be better off sleeping in their comfortable bed rather than the pull out bed in the living room. Santana re-assured them that they'd be fine and that she'd immediately ring the other couple if there was a problem. Brittany agreed as she felt a little bit guilty for taking up their friends' time even though they so willingly want to help them.

"Seriously, Quinn, we'll be alright. Go home and take a rest, come back tomorrow." Santana once again re-assured her best friend.

"Rach and I don't mind sleeping on the couch guys. It's fine." Quinn argued.

"You've done so much, guys. I'm sure we'll just be sleeping tonight so don't worry. Santana will call you if we need anything." Brittany added.

"Okay, if you say so. We won't hold you guys from spending some quality time together." Rachel announced.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later and several attempts at goodbye; the "unicorn couple" finally made their way back to their place. Santana made sure Brittany was alright; Rachel was kind enough to help Brittany get dressed for bed before they left so she was all set. The brunette made her way to the bathroom to get ready for bed herself.<p>

A few minutes later, she headed to their bedroom; the lights were dimly lit and Brittany was already dozing off to sleep. Santana carefully pulled the covers up and tucked herself under it; careful not to disturbed the blonde woman resting beside her. She immediately felt the warmth from Brittany's body; her girlfriend was always a great source of heat; and she felt herself surrender to sleep. She inched closer to the warm body next to her; positioning herself so that she was hugging Brittany from behind.

She lightly kissed the back of her girlfriend's neck; placing an arm over her waist. Brittany shuffled a little bit; she was already too tired to react.

"I meant what I said before. Someday, I will marry you, Britt." She muttered only enough for herself to hear.

Under the darkness of their room; Brittany opened her eyes after hearing what her girlfriend said. She wanted to say something; she wanted to tell her that things aren't back to the way they were but she didn't have the heart to say that to the Santana. Not after everything that's happened. She felt like they were playing some kind of game; whatever it was; was testing their relationship to the limits. It's as if they're going back and forth; one day Santana is the one in doubt with her feelings and then the next day it's Brittany, etc. She wished so hard for them to just start all over again; erase any memories of the last few months but that was beyond impossible; and with that the only she could do was close her eyes and ignore the aching feeling in her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>I share your frustration guys, bare with me! hahaha<strong>


	12. One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

**Hi! I'm back with a new update...I've decided to fast forward it a little bit! I think some of you might hate me for driving the story to this path but please, please bare with me and hopefully it will be worth the wait! :) So here it is, a bit angsty...**

* * *

><p>"<em>Marry me, Brittany." She looked up at the blue eyes in front of her, with brown eyes that anticipated for the answer she wanted to hear, for the answer that she needed to hear.<em>

"_I think we need some time apart, Santana." The reply came softly but abruptly._

It was the way those eight words hung in the air as she sat on the dining table across from Brittany, her eyes glued to the set of blue ones that bore a whole through her soul. They were filled with honest sincerity and the brunette could not help but look away, feeling her impending outburst.

It's been a month since they got out of the hospital and back into the familiar territory that is their apartment but things haven't been exactly the same. The place looks the same, the familiar scent of their perfumes mixed together still lingers in the air but the atmosphere is so very different. Both of them have pretty much recovered without much trouble. Brittany still had to go for regular CT scans but apart from that, they're fine, _physically_. Emotionally, it was a different story. It's been a tough round for both of them as they tried to deal with forgetting the past and starting all over again. They have yet to talk about the impact of the accident to their current relationship hence their future still remained blurry, for the lack of a better word.

It was evident that both of them were struggling to cope. They still have the same conversations, same dinner arrangements, same sleeping arrangements but intimacy was out of the picture. They don't make love, they have sex. They don't spend time together dreaming of their future together. The future seems to be a sensitive case these days. So for Brittany to drop this topic on Santana like a hot piece of pancake on her bare hands, it was shocking but not surprising. The irony was that the Latina prepared a "romantic" dinner for her and the blonde so they can reconnect, in her hopes of putting things back to the way they were. The "marriage" bit was a bit impulsive, she must admit, but it was the spur of the moment. They were having a good, normal conversation. Brittany was laughing at her jokes, they were both touchy feely with each other and for once, Santana forgot about the past and she was happy in the present, so why not just try and ask her. _What would she lose? _

Santana shifted in her seat a little and subtlety wiped the tears off her face, "Britt, we've been doing so well. We can work through this." She pleaded with her eyes.

"It's too soon, San. I can't give you what you want." Her tone was pleading too, she wanted time, but isn't a month enough time?

"Britt, we've been together for most of our lives, I just want to make it official. I've changed, I'll change more, just for you." Her hand reached out for the pale hands in front of her.

"Have you been sleeping through the past few months of this relationship Santana? Or have you just decided to erase them from your memory?" it was a bitter reply that came out too soon for her tongue to hold in.

The brunette's hand slipped away, her face contorted in hurt and her eyes stung with unwanted tears. "Really Britt? _Fucking, wow_. Do you think I would ever forget how my brother fucking died? How my girlfriend almost slipped away from my fucking hands because I was such a goddamn piece of shit? Don't you think I have to live through that every single fucking day? I know I screwed up, but please, I'm trying my hardest here."

"Well thank fuck San. Thank you for trying because you know what, it didn't have to come to this! Me almost dying, made you realize that you still loved me all the same? Wow, I am completely honoured. For all you know maybe, I planned this shit out. Maybe I wanted to lie on that fucking hospital bed like a goddamn vegetable for you to realize "Oh shit, I was an idiot."" Another harsh remark came from Brittany, it was all the anger she's set aside, hoping it would subside with time but the words just keep coming out.

"B, I never took you for a bitch but this is just too much. You said you loved me, and you just need time. I listened, I waited. It's been a fucking month. When are you going to make up your stupid mind?" Santana's eyes flinched as she shouted back, Brittany's face momentarily snapped and hurt flashed in her eyes when her "soon to be ex girlfriend" said the word she dreaded the most.

"I guess me and my stupid mind have made our decision. I'm leaving first thing in the morning." She said standing up, heading to the bedroom. Santana was left stunned by the exchange that just happened, they've never been verbally aggressive towards each other, heck Brittany doesn't even swear that much, and there they were hitting each other with words of anger and frustration.

"Fine, leave. If that's what you fucking want! We should have done this earlier so you could have been on your way by now." She replied tasting the bitterness she felt, her heart crushed with each spiteful word.

"Yes we should have. Don't expect me to be crawling back here and don't fucking deny that that's what you're thinking of right now. I'm not coming back, Santana. I've put up with your shit for a long time." Thank God, her back was facing the brunette because the tears streaming down her face were unflattering to say the least. Her heart was racing, adrenaline pumping through her veins. The anger she felt was so indescribable but at the same time, she knew it was probably the best for both of them. They needed some time apart and how long that time will be is the questioned that still remains to be unanswered.

* * *

><p>The next morning came sooner than anticipated for Santana, maybe it was the pounding headache caused the bottle of wine she finished off by herself after Brittany practically locked her out of their room. Or it could be the uncomfortable position she slept in because their couch is not the most comfortable thing to sleep on in the planet, <em>or<em> it could be the sound of wardrobe doors slamming shut and drawers being opened forcefully; probably, all of the above.

She shifted on the couch trying to get comfortable but the slamming of furniture is getting out of hand, it sounds like Brittany is dismantling their whole apartment from where she was. Standing up with her limited energy, she walked towards their bedroom door to find Brittany running around the room, gathering all her things and practically shoving them into a suitcase resting on their dishevelled bed covers. Sensing that someone must have been watching her, the blonde woman turned to face the door where she saw her girl—_ex-girlfriend _standing at the doorway, looking like a perfect wreck, her eyes hinted a bit of confusion like she didn't actually expect her to leave so soon.

"I told you, I'd leave first thing in the morning." She turned her back to Santana and continued packing her things, "I stick to my words." _Ouch._

Santana's headache was not giving in and to add the icing on the cake, it's 7 am and Brittany is still in bitch mode and her words hurt. They goddamn hurt. She felt her jaw clench and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, "I was just making sure you take all of your shit with you."

"Well, Santana, sorry to disappoint, this is still my apartment so I will leave my shit here if I want. Don't worry, I'll come back to get all of it, when I find a new place to live, soon." Brittany retorted as she forcefully tried to zip her suitcase up.

_Shit. Pride is such a fucking jerk._ Santana inwardly kicked herself for letting the situation get out of hand. For shouting at Brittany when she has a legitimate point, for losing it last night but the taller woman is certainly not backing down either. They just both seem to be so stubborn these days and no one is giving in. "Good luck with that."

"I don't need luck, San..." Brittany confidently answered as she walked towards the door with her suitcase. She stopped just in front of the shorter woman and looked at her straight in the eye, "You do."

And with that she was gone. Santana stood frozen on the spot as Brittany's footsteps faded and the front door slammed shut. She felt dizzy, like everything was closing in on her. Realization was starting to hit her hard in the face, multiple times. Brittany left. She's out of the door heading to god knows where. She didn't even bother telling Santana. Her legs crumbled and she let go, letting her body collapse on the wooden floor, tears involuntarily streamed down her face. It was painful; every tear drop stung. She's gone and she _chose_ to leave.

* * *

><p>As the front door slammed shut, Brittany felt her heart constrict from the pain she was feeling. It was probably the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. By leaving Santana, she's pretty much walking away from all she's ever known. She's everything to her. Their exchange of words last night did not end well and it was as if the signs are pointing for them to go their separate ways. Maybe this was it. They hard their run, they had more than half of their lives together, as best friends then lovers. Maybe it was time to end the fairy tale they were living in because the reality is that, forever doesn't really exist.<p>

Taking her phone out, she dialled Rachel's number.

"Hey Britt, what's up?" Rachel answered cheerfully, as always.

"Hey Rach, I...uhm..." she bit her bottom lip, trying to find the words.

"Is everything okay?" Rachel asked, sensing the blonde's hesitation. "Britt?"

"I'm on my way to your apartment. I need a place to stay for a week before I can find my own place." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Of course, Brittany, you can stay here. Is everything alright? Where's Santana?" her tone was suddenly very worried.

"I left her." Before Rachel could explode with disappointment on the phone, she hung up. She knew she'd have to explain everything to her and Quinn anyway so why do it twice if she could just get it over and done with all at once, later.

* * *

><p>The incessant ringing of the landline forced Santana to stand up from where she was basically having a nervous breakdown and walk to the bedside table to answer the phone call. <em>Quinn Fabray<em>, of course. Word travels fast when your girlfriend's best friend is your best friend's girlfriend. She didn't want to answer the call but she's been ringing her landline and cell phone alternately that the Latina figured the only way to shut her up would be to talk to her. Plus, she could actually use a friend right now.

"Hey." The brunette answered unenthusiastically, her voice sounded strained.

"What the fuck, Lopez? Why is Brittany in my living room crying like there is no tomorrow and suitcase is in the guest bedroom?" Quinn sounded annoyed and concerned at the same time.

"Did you call to give me shit? 'Cos I've just had a lot of that lately." Santana replied with pained sarcasm.

"Tell me what happened. I can't really decipher much at the moment, they're in the living room and Rachel asked me to call you." The blonde woman replied, clearly ignoring her friend's previous answer.

"I asked her to marry me, she said we need some time apart, I flipped my shit, she flipped hers, I downed a bottle of wine, woke up hung over to her basically tearing the furniture apart, we flipped our shit more and then she fucking walked out. F-M-L, huh?" Santana answered nonchalantly, trying to hide the anguish in her voice.

"You guys need to fix this. Are you okay?" Quinn replied, not knowing what else to say.

"No shit Sherlock. My girlfriend of almost four years, my soul mate, and my best friend just fucking left me in a snap and I'm here on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I'm jolly good, Q." Her sarcasm was off the rails.

"Fuck you Lopez. Get that stick out of your ass and come over here so you can fix this shit. I won't have her stay under my roof, knowing that you guys are in bad terms. You can fix this."

"Q, I don't know how to." The tone of defeat was audible in her voice. "I've ran out of ideas; I'm on the verge of giving up. She already has."

"Santana, no she hasn't! And you won't either. I won't let it happen. She still loves you and you still love her. Last night sounds like one of those fights you'd have before making up and having mind blowing, earth shattering make up sex."

Santana's face contorted in confusion. Who the fuck is she speaking to? "Quinn Fabray? Is that you? What the fuck are you even on about? My life is falling apart and all you can say is Brittany and I should have make up sex. I'm hanging up."

"Lopez, would you rather I sat here and told you fairy tale shit? No. I didn't think so, because you're Santana Lopez. You don't like being mushy so I'm just keeping it real. Couples fight, it's the reality. You and Britt have been together even before dinosaurs existed. You'll come here and fix this shit or I will personally come over to your apartment and drag your ass over here and lock you two in a room until you make up." Quinn sounded determined.

"Are we five, Fabray? Really? We're not kids. You can't lock us up and expect us to eventually return to normal. It's over. We're over."

"You're a coward if you don't fight to save this relationship, Lopez. Let's face it; you'll never be as happy with anyone else." Quinn's tone was challenging. She was using her expert reverse psychology on Santana.

"Fuck you, Q." She muttered.

"Then prove me wrong." Before the brunette could even answer, Quinn already hung up. Goddamn it. What the hell was she supposed to do? Come crawling to Fabgay's house and beg for Brittany to come back. It's too humiliating. Her pride is off the charts at the moment and surrendering just like that, after a few hours, would just be fucking embarrassing. But who is she kidding, Brittany's got her wrapped on her finger and she knows that it might not be tonight, but it's only a matter of time till she breaks and gives in and before she knows it she'd be standing before Brittany crying her sorry eyes out, begging her to take her back.

"Not tonight, Q. Not anytime soon." She whispered on the mouth piece as she put the phone back down and collapse on the bed, inhaling Brittany's familiar scent.

* * *

><p><strong>SHIT JUST GOT REAL! What did you guys think? Comments and reviews are appreciated!<strong>


	13. What You're Left With

**Hey guys, I'm back with an update! Sorry for the long wait, I've been quite busy having a life outside my room! I've started working again and Uni starts soon so my updates might be spaced out but please bear with me! I hope you like this one and comments and reviews are appreciated, especially cos I need more motivation as I'll be buried in uni work soon! Thank you so much!**

* * *

><p>Santana stuck to her words. A day turned into a few days, then a week and before she knew it, a month has passed since Brittany walked out of their—<em>her<em> door. She'd been back a few times to pick up her things; those unannounced visits often lead to awkward chat between the ex lovers. Santana, the head bitch that she is, let her pained sarcasm reign while Brittany acted all aloof to the sly remarks the brunette throws her way. They are both too consumed by the false pride they've developed recently to even have a proper matured talk about their situation. Neither of them has let themselves acknowledge the seriousness of their current situation. Brittany is not just another room mate moving out and Santana isn't just another room mate to leave. These are two women who have spent most of their lives together. They've grown up accustomed to each other; there is no Brittany without Santana and vice versa. The fact that they are both practically sitting there watching as the other one slowly but surely slips away from the bubble they've so carefully built around them is nothing short of heart breaking.

Today Santana was woken up the familiar sound of the front door opening, a set of keys thrown on the table in the hallway and footsteps quickly making their way to the now abandoned master bedroom; the brunette has grown accustomed to their leather couch the past few weeks. She grunted at the sound of furniture being opened and closed, Brittany never seemed phased that Santana was still sleeping, she never went on 'stealth' mode like she used to before their war began. The Latina involuntarily got up, her head aching from yet another early night with her new found friend Jack Daniels. She went into the kitchen to fix herself a cup of fresh coffee and she sat down around the dining table that was now almost overflowing with mail and clutter. This place looks like a fucking tip.

"I didn't know you were up." the voice was coming from behind her. It started her to begin with but then it sinks in and she feels a slight comfort in hearing her voice.

"You sounded like you were tearing the whole place down, as usual. I'm pretty sure the whole block is up by now." she replied ever so sarcastically, as she took a sip from her cup.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Oh wait, you don't sleep on a bed anymore." she smirked knowingly.

"It doesn't really take a genius to work that one out, Britt. Besides, I was planning to wash the sheets today." she lied through her teeth. She still liked how the sheets smell of Brittany's moisturiser.

"Well good luck with that." the blonde replied nonchalantly, as she walked towards the kitchen counter to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Well fuck you, Britt. I can damn well clean this place up if I really wanted to. I'll do it today and you'll see the next time you come back." she retorted.

"There won't any need for that. This is my last packing trip. I found an apartment." the blonde said casually, noticing how Santana's face dropped for a second and then back to her bitch face mode.

"Good well... then it'll be easier to move shit around, now that there'll be less of it." she answered trying to hide the disappointment in her tone. She took comfort in the fact that Brittany still came around, it gave her hope that one of these days she'll come around and actually stay but that idea seems farfetched now that the blonde has informed her of the news she dreaded the most.

Ignoring Santana's remark, Brittany stood up from her seat and headed back towards the bedroom. A few minutes later the familiar sound of a rolling suitcase was heading to the kitchen. The brunette turned around to meet piercing blue eyes for fleeting moment. There was a flash of sadness but then it was gone as she looked away momentarily. Somehow, the blonde has developed a great skill of hiding her emotions lately.

"I'll best be going them. I'll leave the keys on the table in the hallway." Brittany broke the awkward silence between them.

"Sure. I guess I'll see you around then." Santana replied casually breaking her gaze away from her now ex girlfriend.

"I guess so. Bye, San." She muttered as she walked away; leaving the brunette and her thoughts in the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"I still don't understand why you haven't done anything!" Quinn was practically shouting in her living room. She decided to make an impromptu check up on Santana today and boy is she glad she did. Their once immaculately clean apartment looked like a landfill site.<p>

She had to knock on the door relentlessly until her friend finally decided to get off the couch, walk to the door and let her in. She was greeted by a half asleep Santana dressed in boy shorts and a tank top with a blanket wrapped around her whole body. She's not going to lie, Santana looks awful. She looked like she's completely lost the ability to even function; let alone get a good night's sleep. The dark circles under her eyes were more noticeable than the last time Quinn came around to see her. Damn, Santana Lopez is a mess right now and she can't stand here and watch her friend's life spiral downwards.

"Q, there's nothing I can do right now. She wants space; I'm going to give her space. Besides, she's living in your block; you can keep an eye on her." Santana replied as she washed the overflowing amount of dirty dishes.

"I'm not your goddamn baby sitter, Lopez." Quinn retorted.

"Yeah, you're better than that. You're my best friend so you will do it for me, and Brittany." Santana answered sarcastically.

"You've become more of a bitch, a disgusting bitch. Have you seen this dump site lately?" She asked looking around the place. There were dirty crap everywhere, unwashed clothes, litter, and mail, just everything.

"Yes genius, hence why I'm elbow deep in this washing. Maybe if you stop yapping on and on about how my life is headed to the dumps and start helping me tidy this shit hole up, I would not be tempted to kick you out." Santana demanded, jokingly.

"Oh please, Satan. I'm your only social interaction these days, even Lord Tubbs isn't here anymore. Be fucking grateful." Quinn replied as she started cleaning up the mess.

"I'm sure you're just as relieved to spend time away from your own Barbra. Where is she anyway?" the Latina queried.

"With your girl—_ex girlfriend. _Britt is decorating her new place so Rachel went to help her. Lopez this place is a tip. We'll be here all day." Quinn ranted, still looking disgusted by the place.

"I'll buy take out if you shut your mouth and clean, Fabray." Santana said as she splashed water on her friend.

"You're such a charmer, S."

* * *

><p>After leaving Santana's place this morning, Brittany decided that the only way to forget about her life crisis is to start decorating her new studio apartment. It was weird to have her own place now; she's never lived on her own before. Sure it was nice to know she'd be practicing her independence but it just seemed so surreal; after living with Santana for almost four years, and before that they pretty much lived at each other's houses back in Lima. It was a small place, significantly smaller than her old apartment but being a working student, that's all she could afford. Unlike her ex girlfriend, her family isn't as well off and she felt too bad to put and extra burden on her mom.<p>

She called Rachel this morning to see if she's free to accompany her to the local home depot and luckily, Quinn is off to see Santana so she had a free day ahead of her. It was weird, seeing Quinn and Rachel separate their time just to hang out with her and Santana. They've always been a foursome. It's probably one of those things she needs to get used to; along with another hundreds of things.

"So what's the deal with you and Santana?" Rachel asked, looking through the paint colour scheme catalogue.

"What deal? There is no deal. I've moved out and that's that." The taller woman stubbornly replied. "Which colour is nicer, this or this?"

"Britt, will you please stop changing the subject? Besides, they're the same colour!" Rachel replied; slightly confused.

"Which makes it even harder to chose!" the blonde's lips formed into a pout, "Rach, I really don't want to talk about Santana right now. I'm just trying to figure things out."

"So why don't you figure things out _together? _You know like what you've been doing for god knows how long. You are both still clearly in love with each other but are refusing to get off your high horses and admit that you need each other." Rachel stated with a confident tone.

"I don't understand why horses are getting involved in this." Brittany looked clueless; sometimes Rachel forgets that her friend is not one for metaphors, or sayings.

Rachel shook her head lightly, "Britt, what I mean is that you guys are too proud to admit that both of you were wrong to end things like this. Or even end things at all."

Brittany tried to shrug off the brunette's comment mainly because it was a little too accurate but she wasn't going to be the one to crack first; she's always been the apologetic one. Knowing Santana, she'd be one to never back down; it's something that she has accepted from all the years of being with the Latina. She's hard headed.

"Santana is a grown woman, Rach. If she wants to do something she would have by now." Brittany stated, pushing the trolley forward to avoid her friend's reply.

"Are we talking about the same Santana Lopez here? We both know that's a lie. She's the most stubborn person, _we know_. " Rachel raised her eyebrows shockingly high.

"I'm not crawling back to her. She needs to woman up and deal with it." Brittany claimed with a convincing tone.

But Rachel, ever the perceptive one, saw past the facade that her blue eyed companion was sporting. "You kids need to sort this out, please. As much as I love living in the same block as you, you don't belong there Britt. You and I both know that the only place you belong in is with a certain Latina."

"You know you and Quinn should become couples' counsellors. Really." Brittany joked trying to end the conversation in a light hearted tone but she knew Rachel had struck a chord. Sometimes she disliked that her friend was so perceptive, or that maybe she's just such a transparent person, so easy to read. Her attempt to forget about Santana and their current situation has been an epic fail, at least she's picked a colour to paint her apartment.

* * *

><p>After five hours of spring cleaning and effectively disinfecting the whole place, Santana and Quinn finally relaxed on the sofa. The whole place looks immaculate and Quinn was wearing a proud smirk on her face as she knew that she did most of the cleaning while Santana mopped around listening to depressing break up songs on her sound system whilst giving a long speech about how she doesn't need Brittany. The other blonde just listened; it was quite entertaining for her to see this side of the Latina again; it has been a long time since she acted this way, probably in high school too. Of course she sympathized for her best friend; she never wanted to see them this way. It was just wrong but she couldn't help but think that eventually they'll get back together and she might just know one way to do that.<p>

"Lopez, you know we're having a little get together at our place this weekend right?" Quinn asked the brunette who was engrossed in the TV show she's watching.

"Huh, since when? " she asked not looking away from the huge screen in front of her.

"Since it's Rachel and I's anniversary. How can you forget? We have a party every year?" the hazel eyed woman questioned. It's become a tradition that the Fabray-Berry household host an annual get together; conveniently on their anniversary.

"Well, Q, if you haven't already noticed, I've been too busy watching my life fall into pieces recently." her eyes finally left the television and landed on Quinn. "Plus, celebrating you and Berry being together is like celebrating Halloween on Christmas day." she joked, a familiar smirk appeared on her face.

Quinn let out a snort, "Well nothing is going to make me retract the invitation, S. We'd really appreciate it if you can make it. I understand things are—"

"I'll be there." Santana smiled trying to avoid all conversations leading to a certain blue eyed blonde.

Quinn smiled at her best friend. She could see right through her hardened facade but if all goes to plan, Santana and Brittany should be back to normal.

* * *

><p><strong>I wonder how the party will go? <strong>

**Comments and reviews guys! Thank you!**


	14. PNDA: Public No Display of Affection

**Hey guys! Finally I am back with another chapter. This week has been crazy with Uni, work and socialising; I do apologize for the lack of updates. As it turns out, this might be the case from now on... don't worry though, I'm not giving up on this story! Your comments have been awesome and I really do appreciate them so please keep them coming and spread the word about this story! ENJOY!**

* * *

><p>Excited was not the word Santana would use to describe herself when she woke up this morning. She has been dreading this weekend since Quinn mentioned it a few nights ago. Sleepless nights have become a part of her routine; she finds herself tossing and turning in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in but it dawns on her that the bed is not the issue, it's who's missing from it. She's been so used to sleeping beside Brittany since she could remember; her scent and the warmth became the brunette's personal lullaby. She has never really thought about the effect of the blonde leaving on her sleeping patterns; apparently it does since sleep is pretty much nonexistent for her these days. Her mind always wanders back to her; all their memories flooding her brain only intensifies how much she wished Brittany was with her.<p>

After much deliberation, she finally forced herself to get out of bed and face the day. She lazily walked to the bathroom and did her morning rituals without any rush; she had plenty of time to kill since Quinn and Rachel's party doesn't start until eight o'clock this evening; it was only 12pm. Santana sighed to herself; she didn't particularly have anything planned during the day. Goddamn, she's been so lazy recently it's quite sickening. She raked her brain trying to find something to do until she remembered someone; "when you need a hand, call Mr Puckerman"; she smiled at their own inside joke.

Noah "Puck" Puckerman. If she considered someone her lesbro, it would be him. They had a history back in high school when Santana was adamant that she wasn't going to be known as the "lesbian cheerio a.k.a the queerio". Raging hormones and denial lead the Latina to the arms of one "Puckasaurus"; they became an item but for the brunette it was all about the sex and mostly forgetting about Brittany. She used Puck as a device to try and "straighten" her up; but no matter how good he was in bed, she could not help but imagine Brittany with her. Unknown to many people, Puck actually declared his love for the Latina but she broke up with him due to his "below average GPA"; which of course was complete bullshit. She wanted a way out because somehow she felt guilty for being with him when all she could think about was being with her best friend. Things became weird between them and they didn't speak to each other for a few months; Puck was embarrassed about his love confession and Santana felt too bad to bring the topic up. She knew he has never said anything like that to any girl before. However, when he walked in on her and Brittany in the Cheerios changing room, God knows what he was doing there, it lead to a full blown confrontation wherein she finally decided to come clean and come out. It took a few more weeks for him to approach her and tell her he was cool with it and was happy for her and Brittany. Nowadays, they meet up regularly for coffee or a drink; although the blonde was never really the biggest fan of Puckerman. He's just back from the road; his band was doing alright these days, opening for bigger acts. Surely, the Latina thought, he'd be up for catching up before the party tonight.

When she returned to her bedroom, she got her phone and dialled his number. After a few rings, a familiar deep voice picked up.

"I knew you'd come crawling back to the mighty hands of The Puckasaurus." he greeted; Santana could feel him smiling smugly on the other line.

"And here I am regretting even knowing this number. Get over yourself, Noah." she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Ouch, Lopez is touchy today. Have you not been getting any?" he joked, fully unaware of the rift between Santana and Brittany. The pause and the deep sigh that came out of the brunette's lips were enough to let him know though, "Shit, Santana, I didn't know, sorry. What the hell happened?"

"Shit happened, Puck. Anyway, I was thinking we could meet up today, if you're free. You've been away for too long." she explained, not wanting to talk about it over the phone.

"Lopez, I know how awesome the Puckasaurus is but you know, I'm not going to scratch your itch, again." he remarked playfully, knowing how the Latina will react.

"Oh God, Puck. It's too early to vomit. Don't even get me started. I'm not a horny confused teenager anymore." she replied sarcastically.

"Yeah you're not a teenager anymore but you're still horn—"

"Meet me at that coffee place on Sunset in an hour." she cut him off knowing that the teasing won't end. Before he could even reply, she hung the phone up. He will be there.

* * *

><p>For Brittany, the party tonight is a huge deal. Firstly, it's going to be the first time she's going to see Santana since she left their place, for good. She hasn't said a word nor has heard from the brunette in weeks; anxiety is slowly taking over her as she doesn't exactly know how her ex girlfriend will act towards her; more importantly, how she will react towards her ex girlfriend. In her mind, she wants to be civil and polite but not overly friendly; this could prove to be a chore since she's just not used to being at a party without Santana. Secondly, this is the first time their other friends will find out about the couple splitting up and she isn't exactly looking forward to the barrel of questions she's sure they will ask; nor can she imagine that Santana will be pleased to answer any of the questions too. They'd be lucky if she doesn't go all "lima heights" on them; especially once the brunette gets a few glasses of alcohol in her system. She doesn't want to be pessimistic, it's very unlike her, but she just could not shake the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that tonight is not going to end well. Finally, she thinks that tonight is only going to seal the fact that they have broken up. Everything about this party will only remind her of what she had, what she doesn't have and what she's left with; and truth be told, she's doesn't know how she feels about it. One part of her is happy that she's managing just fine without Santana but another part is longing for her so badly; she just misses the normality they used to have.<p>

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing.

"Hey, Tina, what's up?" she greeted trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"Hi Britt, I just heard what happened. Are you still going to Quinn and Rachel's tonight?" so word still travels fast amongst the ex glee club members these days.

Brittany scrunched up her face in a disapproving look. "How did you find out? And yes, I am. I'll be there to support Quinn and Rachel."

"You know the glee club, nothing much has changed. Okay well, I'm happy that you're going to be there. It's been so long since we last caught up." Tina replied casually trying not to make the conversation awkward.

"Yeah, I'm stoked to see everyone. Listen, I have to go run some errands but I'll see you later, okay?" she lied trying to escape the questions that will definitely come her way.

"Sure, Britt. See you later."

* * *

><p>Santana sat around a table outside of the cafe she usually goes to with Puck nowhere in sight. The bastard is actually making her wait or standing her up. She glances at her watch impatiently for the nth time; it was already 1.45, he's almost an hour late. He better have a good explanation for her not to lose her shit on him; she's never liked it when people showed up late and it doesn't exactly help that her patience levels are, well, nonexistent —apart from, of course, one exception but that's beside the point. After a few more minutes of relentlessly checking her watch and edgily sipping on her second cup of coffee, she saw a tall, dark built figure getting out of a flashy car and walking towards her with his signature smirk and classic Mohawk hairstyle. He looks better than the last time she's seen him; the Rock N Roll lifestyle certainly is doing wonders for Puck.<p>

Before he could even pull the seat out to sit down, she scowls at him, making sure her annoyance is known.

"You're fucking late, Puck." She says casually although her tone is blatantly annoyed. Santana Lopez has never been one to be kept waiting.

"Chill your Latina ass, Lopez. Traffic was a bitch." He smiled waving the hot waitress over to get their order.

"Or you probably had to kick out a random hook up from last night?" she asks easing a little bit when Puck smiles back in agreement; something's never change.

After the hot waitress walked away, longer than the brunette expected because Puck just could not control himself, they finally got on to talking about their lives and all the shit that's been going down, especially for Santana. Puck is the same old guy; no commitments; easy going as ever. Santana actually laughed genuinely for the first time in weeks due to Puck's cheap jokes and boyish charms. He was never going to be the one for Santana but he was a great company whenever she needed someone to lift her spirits up. That's just the Puck that she knows; not the Puck that everyone knows and it makes her feel good that she's the exception.

"So are you going to Berry's party tonight?" he asked looking up at Santana.

"It's Quinn and Rachel's party. You kind of missed out on the important part there and yes, I am. Are you?" she smiled; taking a sip from her cocktail.

"We both know Rachel organized the whole goddamn thing, while Quinn ran around like her little bitch." He joked, eliciting a chuckle from the Latina.

"Quinn will kick your ass if she heard you." She replied, although she thought the same thing as him, "So are you going to be there?"

"Of course I am. Puck needs some lovin'. They might have some friends, you know." He cocked his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh. "Puck, it's basically going to be a room full of gleeks and broadways geeks." She comments.

"Some of them are hot piece of action."

"You're sick." She joked, playfully punching his shoulder. "Let's go together, pick me up around 8."

He smiled suggestively although he knew she didn't mean it that way, it was still good to hear her say it. "You just can't help yourself, Lopez."

"Urgh, Puck, seriously. I've just totally ran out of friends to chose from since all of them are pretty much Brittany's friends. You're half decent and you owe me. Otherwise, I'd scan that love letter you wrote me in high school and post it on Facebook." She joked, drawing out a shocked expression on his face.

"You would not." He playfully begged.

"I would so."

* * *

><p>As expected, the Fabray-Berry household was full of Rachel's friends who share her passion for Broadway and the old Glee club members and some other friendship group Santana never bothered to know. It was as usual an organized, tame, relaxed party. She looked around the room, with Puck by her side doing his own room scan for a hot hook up tonight, searching for familiar faces. Mercedes and Sam were chatting with Artie, Tina and Mike around the living room and though she hesitated, she tugged Puck along with her to come and chat with their old Glee club members.<p>

"Hey guys, how's it going?" she asks everyone; as they all shifted their gaze towards her and then her hand intertwined with Puck's. She quickly lets go of his hand when she understood what just happened.

"Hey Satan, we're doing alright, as usual Rachel is stressing; Quinn has been trying to calm her down since the party started." Mercedes laughed and so did the others. Santana managed a forced chuckle as her eyes seemingly searched for someone in particular.

"Looking for someone, Santana?" Mike asked.

"No, no. Well Quinn, I need to save her from the Berry wrath." She joked excusing herself from the group and leaving Puck to chat with them. They were all friendly enough to each other that small talks were not awkward anymore.

She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed herself a bottle of beer; she wasn't exactly feeling classy tonight despite the fact that she was wearing a black Hervé Léger cocktail dress that fit her perfectly; hugging her figure just right; and black high heels that accentuated her toned tanned legs. None of it felt good though. In the past she loved looking good beside Brittany because she knew they looked perfect together; they complement each other but tonight, Santana knew she was half the woman she used to be.

She searched all over the apartment for Quinn but subconsciously, she was hoping to bump into Brittany; to be in the same room as her and share the same air, however fucking sappy that must sound, she needed it bad. Finally, she gave up on searching for Quinn and went back to the group of friends she left earlier. Puck was nowhere in sight; that was usual; but there was an addition to the group. Her back was facing Santana; her long blonde hair was wavy tonight, and she wore a red fitted cocktail dress that looked like it was custom made to hug every perfect inch of her body. Santana felt herself stop breathing at the sight of the familiar figure. She hoped to God, none of her friends noticed the way she looked at her so longingly and well, hungrily, it put a blush to her face. Suddenly, she felt herself backing out; taking steps away from them; she can't be near her. It hurts too much; but before she could even make her way out of the living room, she heard her name being called out.

"Lopez, come over here." Quinn appeared out of nowhere and she stood beside Mercedes; waving the brunette to come over.

All eyes turned to her but she was only concerned with one pair that seemed to have locked gazes with her. She felt her skin burn under her scrutinizing gaze; she wanted to run away or hide but damn, it was too late and her feet have already made up their mind. She found herself stood next to her in the circle they created. She felt goose bumps as they ever so slightly brushed shoulders; her skin was as warm as Santana remembers; as soft as cotton. She tried not to think about her; about Brittany; who was standing so fucking close to her that she wanted to pass out. Everyone seemed to be observing her in silence so she quickly broke the awkwardness.

"Q, I've been looking for you, everywhere. I thought you'd been whipped by the Berry monster—Oh wait you have." She joked, trying to ease up the atmosphere, luckily it worked as everyone laughed, and she swore she even heard her laugh.

"Well, I'm glad to see you've made it. Even with much hesitance in the beginning." Quinn replied sarcastically.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." She shot back, even more sarcastically; taking a sip from her bottle.

The conversation with the whole group went alright, actually. She smiled and laughed at their jokes, their embarrassing stories and she hates to admit it but the Glee club kids are her friends. Even though they don't see each other much, the dynamics of the group was still there. However, for the rest of the conversation, she was afraid to turn to her left where she knew Brittany was standing, chatting to Tina and Artie. She could hear her infectious laugh ringing in her ears; her hilarious random comments made Santana smile inwardly. It also doesn't help that Brittany is wearing her favourite perfume; one that the Latina bought for her. With this in mind, she excused herself from the circle and headed towards the kitchen which tonight was apparently the bar, she grabbed another drink, this time a Jack and Coke, the stronger the better, she thought. She took a sip, appreciating the burning sensation down her throat due to the strong Jack to Coke ratio. Her eyes closed for a second trying to calm herself down; she needed to calm down if she wanted to stay at this party longer without publicly breaking down and pleading Brittany to come back to her.

"Hi." She heard a familiar voice behind her, causing her to jump in her state of relaxation. It made her freeze a little bit and the sound of her voice being so close to her was not helping her focus on calming down.

Slowly, she turned around to face the figure behind her; and surely, there she stood looking imperial and beautiful; simply stunning. "Hey", it was all she could utter for this moment, at least.

* * *

><p><strong>Let's leave you kids with something to look forward to! ;) I'm not being mean! haha Comments and reviews please and thank you!<strong>


	15. Where We Should Both Belong

**Hey guys! Here's the continuation of the last chapter ;)! Sorry it took longer but as usual been too busy for life itself! I hope you like this chapter and please please review or comment as it helps me get motivated to write the next chapter as fast as I can if I know people are reading! LOL... Thank you so much for your response and I totally appreciate it! ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><em>"Hi." She heard a familiar voice behind her, causing her to jump in her state of relaxation. It made her freeze a little bit and the sound of the warm voice being so close to her was not helping her focus on calming down.<em>

_Slowly, she turned around to face the figure behind her and surely, there she stood looking imperial and beautiful; simply stunning. "Hey", it was all she could utter for this moment, at least._

They both stood there silent for what seemed like eternity. It was as if the room literally blurred out every single person in it apart from the two of them; blue eyes locked on to dark brown ones with a fiery, yet innocent gaze as if they were channelling something to each other using telepathic methods. The kitchen felt smaller than it was and it made Santana nervous; Brittany just looks nonchalant as if addressing her ex girlfriend for the first time in weeks was not a big deal. They stood about a metre away from each other; Santana was nervously holding her drink while Brittany casually pours herself some wine; her eyes left the brunette's for a moment while pouring her drink but they went back to them again after. Santana could feel her heart pumping blood through her veins faster than usual; her hands felt clammy and frankly, she was just an utter fucking mess.

"It's good to see you tonight." Brittany said; finally breaking the awkward silence that has been boiling up between them.

"Y-Yeah, you too." Santana stutters as she takes a larger sip from her drink. Damn she's going to be drinking more than intended at this rate. "How have you been doing?" she asks maintaining her aura of politeness.

"I've been good..." Brittany answers, she pauses for a bit to smile but they never reached her eyes, "Just you know, sorting things out. What about you?"

"Yeah, good." The brunette plastered a forced smile on her face to match the lie she's just told. Shit, she seems happy enough and it broke her heart to see Brittany dealing so well with everything while she practically lost the ability to function. "Just dealing." She bit her lower lip when the unwanted statement came out, "I mean you kn—"

A pale hand lightly brushed the hand that was holding her drink and she almost dropped it, "San, I understand. Don't worry, we don't have to pretend like nothing happened." Brittany said with a comforting tone. What the hell, she's being so nice that Santana could not help but smile back.

"No, we don't." Santana replied; her shoulders slump a little bit as she let out a frustrated sigh. She wanted Brittany back but what the hell could she do?

Brittany's heart ached for her too, she must admit. Of course she cared about Santana; she still does and seeing her like this made everything so goddamn difficult. A part of her just wants to hug her so badly but another part is being stubborn and wants to walk away. She forced a smile as she looked down to avoid the brown eyes.

"Ladies, what have we got here?" a familiar macho voice asked.

They both turned around to see Puck, slightly drunk already, walking towards them. He stopped beside Santana and placed his hand on the small of her back, casually. "You drinking, Lopez?"

Brittany noticed the gesture and immediately felt a burning rage of jealousy overcome her. She never liked Puck in high school; he was a horny jerk, no matter how many times Santana defended him; so now, seeing him all touchy feely with Santana just made her flare up in anger. The shit thing about it is that she actually saw a smile creep up the Latina's face as his hand made contact with her bare skin.

"Yeah, I'm drinking. I can see that you are too." She smiled at him, then at Brittany almost apologetically.

"I'm going back to the living room, see you guys around." Brittany stated; trying not to sound too annoyed; as she took the bottle of wine with her when she practically sprinted out of the room.

Santana felt the change of mood from the blonde and suddenly moved away from Puck to go after Brittany but it was too late, as the kitchen door pretty much shut in her face.

"What the fuck Puckerman? You're timing is shit." She uttered not even bothering to hide her annoyance.

Puck shrugged his shoulders, "How was I supposed to know you guys would be here? I thought you're not talking to each other." He was definitely drunk.

"This fucking sucks." She replied, downing her whole drink and pouring another one immediately after.

_It's going to be a long night._

* * *

><p>By the time she made her way back to the living room, Brittany was already engaged in a conversation with Artie. It was evident that the blonde had a few drinks after she left the kitchen, seeing as the newly opened bottle of wine was half empty. Santana knew her ex girlfriend was never a heavy drinker; it was also obvious from the way she laughed hysterically and her rosy cheeks that she was already tipsy. Santana herself had a few shots of whiskey in the kitchen while Puck incessantly blabbed on about how he just wanted to be loved, something he does often when he gets drunk. From the distance, Santana observed both Brittany and Artie; she never did like McCripple Pants in high school; she could barely stand him after high school, she only did it for Brittany; but now, seeing them talking quite close to each other, playfully hitting each other; Santana felt her blood boil under her skin. Yes, she was tipsy and yes, she's bitter but shit, that son of a bitch better back off before she goes all Lima Heights on him. She wanted to walk away and not care about what the hell Brittany was doing; they're not together anymore; but it seems quite fast for her to be moving on, or back to Artie.<p>

In a spontaneous spurt, she found herself walking towards them, still with a drink in hand. She didn't seem to care about intruding any more; damn, she's Santana Lopez, fuck everyone who's in her way.

"Hey Britt, can I talk to you please?" she addressed the blonde but not Artie, of course it was what she intended to do.

Both Brittany and Artie looked up at the brunette; confusion plastered all over their faces.

"I'm talking to Artie, San." She retorted; slightly annoyed at the Latina's sudden interruption.

Santana just stood there, not wavering, with her eyes locked onto the blonde's completely disregarding Artie. She didn't care that she broke their conversation nor does she care about looking like a complete idiot standing in front of Brittany; her eyes filled with desperate hope. She didn't exactly have a plan either; all she knew was that she wanted Brittany to herself; then she'll decide what she will do.

"Uhm, I'll leave you two to it." Artie finally suggests; making Santana cock her head towards him, putting on her signature smirk.

Once Artie wheeled away from them, Santana sat on the coffee table right in front of Brittany.

"San, what did you do that for?" the blonde asked, now completely irritated.

"I need to talk to you." The brunette replied with a serious look in her visibly intoxicated eyes.

"We _were_ talking but apparently you wanted to talk to Puckerman too." Brittany stated not fully able to hide her jealousy.

"Is this what it's all about?" Santana asked; Brittany furrowed her brows in confusion, "I was talking to Puck, so you go and talk to Artie to make me jealous?"

The taller woman let out an animated chuckle, "Oh San, not everything is about you. You need to realize that."

Ignoring Brittany's comment, Santana unexpectedly took her ex-girlfriend's hand and pulled her up and started walking out of the living room. Brittany, at first, tried to free herself of the brunette's grip but the alcohol is making her feel a little dizzy and so she stopped fighting and just let Santana lead the way. The brunette doesn't know what she's doing, or where they're going. Her judgement was clouded due to the shots she forced down herself earlier on and now she's starting to think that maybe laying off the booze for a while would be a good idea. She led the way, brushing past familiar faces who are also too engrossed in the party to sense anything unusual about the ex-lovers. Finally, the Latina came to a halt in front of the guest bedroom door; she checked to see if anyone is in there and pulled the blonde in with her after seeing that the room was vacant.

"Santana, what are you doing?" Brittany questioned; she's so confused right now. One minute they're having a civil conversation, the next minute they're bickering and now, they're in a bedroom alone.

"I don't know." Santana turned to face Brittany; her eyes filled with longing.

She took a few steps towards the taller woman; hoping she wouldn't take steps back away from her. Brittany stood there and watched as the brunette made her way towards her; she wanted to back away but they haven't been this close in ages that somehow seeing Santana like this kept her feet planted on the ground. The shorter woman stopped just an inch away from the blonde's face; she carefully studied her features like it's the last time she'll see her. Cautiously, she lifted her right hand to lightly trace Brittany's jaw line; the blonde didn't move away much to her delight; she cupped her chin and gently pulled her forward, desperately wishing that Brittany would oblige. From this invisible distance between them, she could feel the tension hanging in the air; her breath was steady but her heart was literally beating out of her chest. The familiar scent of Brittany's lip gloss invaded has now invaded her senses causing her to go into overload and finally close the gap that's been keeping their lips apart.

The kiss was fervent, desperate and rushed but it still managed to send an electrifying tingle through Santana's body and by the looks of it, after the initial shock of the situation, Brittany was also enjoying the moment. The brunette pushed the taller woman into the wall; pinning her against it her hands sliding down to the slender length of Brittany's body before hiking her legs up to her waist. She didn't know why this was happening to be honest. Maybe they were both too intoxicated to care, too sexually frustrated to stop this or it could simply be that they actually both want this, because they miss each other. Santana shook those thoughts out of her mind before she could convince herself to stop and focused on what was happening right in front of her. Her split second of lost concentration enabled Brittany to take control; getting back to her feet and forcefully pushing the brunette onto the bed before straddling her. With Brittany on top of her, everything just seemed too familiar. All the emotions she's tried to bundle up have escaped and she was drowning in a pool of love, confusion, anger and lust. She held the taller woman impossibly close to her; wanting to feel every detail of her body. She could feel the heat emitting from her warm, soft pale skin even under the dress she was wearing. Santana didn't want to rush anything; she wanted to savour each second of being this close to Brittany, again.

They both stopped for a moment and paused; only to lock gazes with each other. Brown eyes locked onto blue ones; both questioning each other; both trying to get some kind of mutual agreement with each other. Trying not to ruin the heated moment between them, Santana carried on her ministrations; kissing a trail down Brittany's neck, savouring her sweet taste.

"What...are, uh, we doing?" Brittany questioned her in between kisses.

"Britt, please, just let me show you how much I've missed you." Santana explained; her hands busy finding the zip for the other woman's dress.

Brittany didn't respond with words; instead, she cupped Santana's cheek and pulled her in a slow, passionate kiss; licking the brunette's lower lip to gain more access. Santana took that as a definite yes; eventually finding the goddamn zipper of the dress and hurriedly pulled it down. Despite how tight and fitting the dress looked on the taller woman, it came off pretty easily, revealing a braless Brittany. Her brown eyes gazed at the body in front of her, longingly and hungrily taking in her toned features. They travelled up until she met blue orbs staring right back at her and she smiled. She smiled _genuinely._

"Let's get you out of _your_ clothes." Brittany offered seductively; moving herself off Santana to push the rest of her dress down, revealing her black lace lingerie. She signalled for the brunette to stand up and Santana being whipped, obliged; almost jumping off the bed. They stood there facing each other as the taller woman stepped forward, their eyes still staring directly at each other's. Santana felt warm hands snake their way behind her, turning her around, so now Brittany was facing her back. The blonde woman let her touch linger on the caramel skin in front of her; the backless dress gave her more access to the Latina's soft skin. Her touch was slow and Santana was aware that the blonde is dragging this out longer; she knew it drove her crazy with desire.

"Britt, just take it off, _please." _She pleaded; not even bothering to hide the desperation in her voice.

With one last kiss on the shorter woman's shoulder, Brittany expertly worked the zip and manoeuvred the dress off Santana; leaving them both half naked. The Latina couldn't wait for the blonde's next move; so she spun around; crashing her lips onto Brittany's; feeling the blonde moan into her mouth due to the unexpected contact. They both seemed to be thinking the same thing as they both end up on the bed; with Santana now in control.

Santana marvelled at the sight of Brittany's body under her. She couldn't help but feel that this is where _she belongs—_where they _both belong. _She wanted to kiss every inch of the blonde's figure possible; licking and sucking at the pale skin under her; marking her every now and again. She trailed kisses down her neck; onto the valley of her perfect breasts; eventually taking one nipple in her mouth; smiling against Brittany's skin when the blonde grab a hold of her hair; a gesture to urge her to keep going. While one hand was busy toying with the taller woman's nipple; the other snaked its way down a familiar path; they both gasped at the contact. Brittany moaned louder than usual and Santana knew well enough her ex girlfriend was, for the lack of a better word, _ready. _

She teased the blonde through the fabric of her lace panties, feeling the heat radiating from Brittany's core; which in turn gave her a similar tingling sensation in between her own legs. Her strokes were long and painfully slow, and it was obvious that Brittany was getting impatient as she kept meeting the brunette's strokes; looking for more friction.

"Goddamit, Santana. _Just, please_." Her voice was covered in sheer desperation and desire.

Santana slowly trailed kisses down her stomach; finally pushing the lace panties down the blonde's toned legs. She could smell the familiar scent and it drove her wild; she wanted to take Brittany there and then; her own arousal pooling in between her legs; but she wanted to savour this, to remember it.

"Say what _you_ want me to do." The brunette teased even more; blowing lightly on to the bundle of nerves that made the blonde whimper in desire.

"Ugh, Santana, you know what _I want_." Brittany pleaded.

"I want to hear it, _from you."_ She replied, gently kissing her inner thighs.

Brittany's mind was going all kinds of wild. She was going insane at the amount of teasing from the brunette's part. "_I want to feel you, inside me_."

Santana smirked at the blonde's surrender; and she obliged; lowering herself onto the jewel in front of her. She let her tongue rediscover Brittany's core; she wanted to taste her like it's the first time she went down on her.

"Oh God, San! Oh my—"Brittany exclaimed as she felt warm lips suck onto the part where she needed it the most. She knew how well the Latina knew her body; they've been doing this for years and it certainly felt great.

Santana ever so slightly dipped her tongue in the blonde's entrance as if she was testing the waters. It earned her a rightful moan from the other woman and so she continued; licking, sucking and dipping until she could feel her walls tighten around her tongue; her pale hands lost in her hair, pushing her forward asking for more.

"San, please, more!" Brittany shouted incoherently; sweat trickling down her forehead. "I need more."

Santana got the message and she trailed kisses back up to the blonde's lip; her tongue was immediately replaced by two expert fingers. Brittany's eyes opened wide at the intrusion but soon she matched the rhythm the Latina created. Two fingers pump in and out of the blonde's entrance; and her thumb was rubbing her clit at the same time. Santana looked at the sight in front of her and felt a tear escape from her eyes. She knew at that moment, this is where they both belong. She captured the blonde's lips once again and kissed her passionately while her hands still continued their work. She felt Brittany's inner walls clench her fingers and she knew the blonde was close.

"San, I'm so close, baby. Don't stop." Brittany breathed heavily; digging her nails into Santana's back. They both moaned at the same time.

"Come for me, B." Santana whispered into the blonde's ear; nibbling with her ear lobe.

"Oh God, baby—"

This sent the taller woman's body into ecstasy. Her whole body trembled in complete euphoria as she surrendered herself, once again to the Latina's touch. She held on tightly to Santana who was still pumping her digits in and out; rubbing her clit until she felt the shorter woman's body shiver with pleasure on top of her.

Santana collapsed on top of Brittany; both of them were still in complete awe of what just occurred. Neither of them dared to move; afraid that if they did; they'd wake up from the amazing dream that they just had. The brunette eventually moved off Brittany; realizing that if this was indeed a dream; it had to end one way or the other. To her surprise, Brittany was still very there; looking very tired and satiated. Santana snuggled closer to her ex lover—lover, whatever they were, and buried her head in the crook of the blonde's neck; inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume mixed with sweat. She felt the blonde's arms tighten around her as they pulled each other closer; limbs tangled on a bed of uncertainty. The Latina wanted to ask Brittany what this all meant but for now, she wanted to stay like this in her arms. No complications, just the two of them; breathing soundly next to each other; limbs intertwined. Tomorrow will eventually face them but that can wait.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Damn! Brittana sexytimes! YEAHH! What did you guys think? Also, what's next? Hmmm...<strong>_


	16. The Morning After

**HI guys! Back with an update :) Sorry it's been so long but I've been super busy for the usual reasons! I'm afraid the next update is undertermined...let's hope I get some free time from uni and socializing! I hope you like this one and comment and reviews are super appreciated! THANKS! **

* * *

><p>The sound of incessant loud knocking on the door finally broke her slumber. There was a constant throb in her head and everything just seemed a little blurry as she glanced around in the familiar room. There was hardly any light coming through from the windows as the blinds pretty much blocked any form of light from the outside world. She looked around again; yes, she was in Quinn's guest bedroom; yes, she was hung over and needed Advil straight away; but why the hell is she <em>alone and naked?<em> She should be waking up to a sweet kiss from a certain long legged blonde, blue eyed beauty.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open and Quinn appearing in front of her looking worried.

"What the fuck, Quinn?" she shouted, pulling the covers closer to her very naked body.

Quinn looked around; her eyes finally landing on a very naked Santana, "Shit S, what are you doing in my guest room? _Naked_?"

Santana blushed a little bit; even though they've both seen each other in this position; a few times; she'd be lying if she said all of them were innocent. "Where's Brittany?"

"I'm asking you why you're naked and you—"the realization of what happened last night finally dawned on the hazel eyed woman and she gasped, "_Holy shit! _You guys hooked up, or shall I say made up?"

"Fuck Q, you think if we made up I'd still be lying in your guest bedroom naked?" Santana queried; her head was still aching from last night's alcohol consumption.

"Well..."

"On my own, Quinn. _Alone." _The brunette added, making her point clearer to the other woman.

"S, I didn't see Brittany leave; so I assumed she left early but..." Quinn paused, accidentally staring at the very dishevelled sheets of her guest bedroom; she will need to do the laundry, "I guess, I now I know where she was."

"Oh stop being a perv Fabgay. I'll wash your sheets, don't worry." Santana retorted still wondering where the hell Brittany went.

"Okay Satan. Come downstairs if you want breakfast, I'm sure whatever it is you need to sort out with Britt, you'll be able to do later. She lives in this building." Quinn replied nonchalantly smiling secretly._ Mission accomplished._

Santana was left on her own again; still very naked. What the actual fuck? They finally sleep together after so long and Brittany makes the run for it before she woke up? If things were complicated before this; they just got amazingly impossible to figure out. What does this mean, ultimately, for them? It would really help to get the blonde woman in this conversation instead of talking to herself. _No shit, Sherlock._ The brunette let herself collapse on the bed once again while letting last night's memories flood back to her. Everything just felt so god damn right. She lets out a sigh of frustration; wondering what the rest of the day will unfold for her—_them_; given that she can actually get a hold of the missing blue eyed woman. She needed to talk to her, badly. They need to discuss what the implications of their encounter have on their relationship, if they still have one. She closes her eyes once again only to feel herself succumb to a very much needed sleep.

* * *

><p>Brittany paced back and forth in her bedroom wearing only her dressing gown as she just stepped out of the shower.<em> Shit. Shit. Shit.<em> What did she get herself into? She left early this morning before Santana could even wake up because she knew, she didn't want to have to talk about what happened between them last night while the two of them were in bed, naked and suffering from a hangover; it could only lead to no good. So she left and went back to her apartment, thank goodness it was only a floor up from Quinn and Rachel's because frankly she couldn't bear doing the walk of shame. As soon as she got into her apartment, she passed out on her bed from overwhelming exhaustion and the throbbing headache caused by that bottle of wine she nearly finished just before the brunette dragged her into the guestroom and well, her hormones got the better of her. She woke up a couple of hours later and decided to jump into the shower to wash Santana's scent off her, not that she didn't like it, it just makes everything about last night so _real._

What does this mean then; for both of them? Oh god, things just got a little bit more complex; seeing as now she just could not stop thinking about Santana and last night and her hands and her body and just everything about her. This is not great. She was doing so well, coping on her own and now it's as if she's forgotten how to block the Latina from her thoughts; much like before, when they were still together. She didn't know whether it would be a good idea to talk to her or maybe just leave it and it will blow over? Bullshit. Nothing ever blows over when it comes to Santana; for sure once she'd be making her way over to the blonde's place when she wakes up and realizes that Brittany made the run for it. Santana is all about confrontation; Brittany's more of an "it will pass by" kind of person.

Soon enough, she heard her doorbell ring. _Shit, shit, shit. _There was nowhere to go now. Sooner or later she'd have to face the brunette anyway; seeing as their lives are so interconnected even when they're not actually together anymore. She fixes her dressing gown; making sure it's not too revealing, that would not help the situation; and walks to the door, inhaling and exhaling deeply before finally opening the door.

* * *

><p>Santana nervously waited for the door to be answered; she played with the hem of the sweatshirt she borrowed from Quinn. She figured showering and changing into more comfortable clothes could help with her thinking; of course they didn't. The door opened slowly, revealing a tall blonde figure dressed in a bathrobe. <em>Great.<em> She could feel herself swallow at the sight before her as her eyes roamed Brittany's body subconsciously. When her eyes finally land on blue orbs, she quickly turned away as she felt a blush creep through her skin. So Brittany is newly showered; hair dripping wet and she's dressed in a bathrobe which was too short; for occasions like these anyway.

"Hey." Brittany finally greeted; awkwardness was enveloping the whole atmosphere.

"Hi." _Wow. You actual idiot._ Santana's mind has gone blank; her brain has turned into mush as she stared right back at the blue eyes, "Can we talk?"

There was a pause of hesitation from the taller woman as she figured out whether it was the right time to talk. She's not exactly dressed appropriately, even though she knew Santana has seen every inch of her; _flashback most recently to last night;_ it was still a little awkward knowing that they're going to have to talk about serious things.

"Yeah, I guess so." She finally replies, opening the door to let the brunette in, "Come in."

Santana shyly walks through the door and does a quick scan of the place. It looks pretty sizeable, everything was compact though, compared to their apartment but it was still nice. She smiled as she looked around the place; seeing Brittany all over it. The bright colours, the displays, the pictures, it looked good. And she couldn't help but feel a little hurt knowing how well the blonde has settled in.

Brittany guides her to the living room/ kitchen where the blonde offers her a sit around the compact dining table. The taller woman doesn't sit down with her straight away; she turns on the coffee machine and leans on the kitchen counter as she waits for her coffee.

"Want some?" Brittany offers with a casual smile. Santana nods, she was still minimizing her use of words. The blonde woman hands her a cup of piping hot coffee and sits down around the table; directly opposite Santana. This just feels so formal.

"So about last nig—"

"I just want to apo—"

They both started at the same time; awkwardly smiling at each other when they realized neither of them can finish the sentence.

"You should go first." Santana offered; trying to be as polite as possible.

Brittany looked at her with uncertain eyes. She looked nervous and confused at the same time.

"I'm sorry I left this morning. I was just..." she paused trying to find the right words that won't make this situation worse, "overwhelmed and confused."

Santana smiled, she understands what the blonde means. Last night kind of opened up new emotions for her; adding to the ones she already has and it's just not ideal. She knew what she wanted; she knew what she came here for but seeing the other woman look genuinely stuck, she's not sure whether this was the right time to berate her with questions.

"I guess I can say the same for me. I'm sorry if I acted like a douche bag last night when you were talking to Artie. I was jealous. I admit it." The brunette apologized, thinking that it would be the right time to make amends instead of starting an argument.

Brittany looked up to meet her gaze; Santana is apologizing. She smiled at her, acknowledging how difficult it must be for the Latina to admit she was wrong. "Thank you, San. That means a lot. I'm sorry I was a jerk about Puck too."

"Oh don't worry about Puck. He's the biggest jerk of them all; but you know B, he's a good friend." She says smiling slightly, "So I guess I better get going. I've got some errand to run."

Santana knew there was no point in pushing a discussion any time today. It was nice not to argue with Brittany for once and she didn't want to ruin that by saying something that would upset the other woman, so leaving would probably be her best option. She smiled again, apologetically before standing up and heading to the door. Brittany followed close behind her, still thinking about what they should do.

"So, I guess I'll see you around Britt." Santana turned around one last time to say goodbye.

Unexpectedly, the blonde extended her arms forward, signalling for a goodbye hug. _Well this is awkward._ Santana didn't know whether to take the invitation but what the heck, she wanted to. She let herself be wrapped around the taller woman's embrace, feeling her warmth all over again, smelling her sweet scent. There were no words exchanged between them but the hug probably did that for them. It was more than a friendly hug; it was lingering and every senses of her being tingled at the contact. She didn't want to let go; her heart ached knowing that this would have to end. She opened her eyes again and finally decided to free herself from Brittany's embrace as gently as possible.

"See you soon, San." Brittany smiled, remorsefully; she knew the brunette wanted to have a conversation but sadly she couldn't give that to her right now.

Santana turned around to walk out the door but a gentle pull kept her from finally walking away.

"We should talk soon, over dinner?" Brittany finally said; knowing that it was the least she could do for Santana.

"Yeah I'd like that." The Latina smiled genuinely, "Thank you B." She turned around trying to fight the tears, tears of joy that are trying to escape her eyes.

As Brittany shut her front door, the image of Santana smiling at her was engraved in her brain. It was good to see the other woman smile again; she felt bad that she couldn't talk about what happened last night at this moment. She figured the best way to probably have a good conversation is to let a few days pass. She needed to think. Think about everything in her life; what she wants and where she wants to be. It was going to be a gruelling few days filled with a lot of emotional re-evaluation but she's this is what she—_they_ needed in order to move forward.

* * *

><p>Santana could no longer fight the tears; she didn't know exactly why she was crying; all she knew was that Brittany wanted to talk. And she was happy about that. She knew it's what they both need in order to know where exactly they stand and what the future has for them. She'll admit that she's totally anxious about what will come out of their little meeting but for now, she's internally celebrating because for the first time a long time, <em>something <em>is going right.

* * *

><p><strong>Brittana with no argumentangst? Is this the same fic? haha hope you guys like it! comments and reviews please :)!**


	17. The Ambiguity of Our Situation

**Oh my it has been ages since my last update and I totally apologize guys! It's just been really hectic juggling uni, work and still having a social life! Finally here's a chapter for you guys and I hope you like it! Please comment and review as it makes me happy and encouraged to write the next chapter! THANK YOU!**

* * *

><p>Patience is something that Santana was definitely not blessed with. Since she could remember, she was never one to wait for something or someone. Being the youngest child and the only girl, her mother made the mistake of pampering her; giving her everything she wanted. When she was younger, she thought that it was because her parents loved her so much that they will give the whole world to her but as she gained consciousness of how differently her father treated her compared to her brother, she realised that the treatment from her mother is to compensate the fact that her father didn't really pay attention to her. At first she was taken aback; she wanted to confront her parents and demand an explanation but knowing her father, she'd never get a straight answer so she kept her feelings to herself and made the most out of the situation.<p>

Santana has only ever been patient in one aspect of her life and that's Brittany. Brittany was never the brightest among the kids and Santana realized this early in their friendship. Normally, she would never waste time helping other kids in the playground or the classroom but the innocent blue eyes that twinkled when she smiled got her on the first glance. She found herself being very tolerant and nice towards her new friend and she liked it. Growing up, her patience remained and something else was added onto it, she fell in love; with the girl. When she finally acknowledged her feelings for Brittany only to be met by remorseful blue eyes; she knew she needed patience more than anything in her life. She needed to wait for the time when Brittany and Artie finally broke up; and though it was utterly heart breaking to sit and watch the love of her life be with someone else, she took the blow and waited. She waited because she knew that at the end of the day, Brittany was worth it.

So now, a week after Quinn and Rachel's eventful party, she has remained silent; not contacting Brittany. It wasn't because she wasn't ready to talk; she was definitely more than ready; it was because she understood and respected that time was what the blonde asked for and so she was willing to give that to her. She's heard through Quinn that Brittany has been doing a lot of thinking which in turn has made her do a lot of thinking. She's tried not to over analyze this hiatus of communication between them after their night of passion because she didn't want to psych herself out. She's convince herself that Brittany is a fair person therefore whatever her decision might be, there would be a reasonable explanation behind it and Santana was more than willing to hear what it is.

Her deep thoughts were interrupted by a relentless ringing of her phone. She picked her phone up from her bedside table and smiled at the name flashing on her screen. She had been waiting for this day the whole week. Finally, Brittany is initiating contact. Her heart was racing and she could feel her palms sweat; even via phone call this woman has such an effect on her, it's crazy.

"Hi, Britt." She finally answered; trying to ignore the thudding in her chest.

"Hey San, how are you?" she replied, sounding quite nervous herself.

"I'm good just writing up a report. You?" she lied; because she didn't want Brittany to think she'd been waiting around all week for this very important phone call.

"Oh! I'm sorry, did I disturb you? I can call again lat—"

"Britt, it's okay. Don't worry, I'd rather talk to you!" she cut the blonde off. _Well that sounded keen._

"Okay, if you say so." She replied still sounding unsure, "So anyway, I called because I think I'm ready to talk."

Santana internally smiled like a clichéd teenager, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think we've—_I've_ waited long enough to figure things out and I think, hope, that I finally made up my mind." She stated; it was difficult to decipher Brittany's tone and this worried the Latina a little bit.

"Well, I'm glad you called Britt. Shall we talk over dinner?" she bit her lip in anticipation. She was looking forward to the conversation but at the same time, she wanted to see the blonde woman again.

"Yeah, are you free tonight?"

Santana almost squealed in excitement even though she's not even sure what the night holds for both of them. "Yeah of course I am. I'll pick you up at 8?"

"Sure San, I'll see you later then."

"Later, Britt." She smiled from ear to ear as she hung the phone up.

Even though she had no idea what Brittany's decision was going to be, she was just happy that her ex-girlfriend took that first step to talk to her. She knew that if Brittany hadn't called her sometime in the next week, she'd be willing to go to the blonde's apartment and beg her to take her back. This was a better situation; Santana gets to keep her dignity and see the woman she was still so head over heels with. She hoped so desperately that tonight will end well. She didn't want to be disappointed yet again; it would break her to hear the blonde's final decision but she could not do anything until tonight so revelling in the phone call she just had would get her through until then.

* * *

><p>The drive to Brittany's apartment was one of the longest drives she's ever taken in a while. Even though the actual journey only took about twenty minutes, to Santana it felt like a whole lifetime. The nerves kicked in about an hour ago when it finally dawned on her that this "dinner date"—if you can call it that— with Brittany will ultimately make her or break her and that was a huge concept. She tried to keep calm; think about other things—<em> anything <em>apart from tonight, or Brittany and her blonde hair, blue eyes, her smile, her body—but it was proving to be difficult. No wonder she jumped straight to her car after changing; staying in her apartment in complete silence only made her thoughts wander far, very far away. She thought driving would be a good distraction as she would technically be in public; looking at things; paying attention to the road etc, so she's be doing something other than thinking about what lies ahead of her. As it turns out, every single playlist on her iPod reminded her of Brittany so that plan failed almost immediately; the sad thing was that she did not even try to turn the volume down or completely off. In a way she was thankful of all the memories she has of Brittany so far and having an entire iPod song collection reminding her of the woman she truly loves made her realize something: she's _not_ going to give up without a fight. If Brittany tells her that she doesn't want to get back together, Santana is willing to beg. She's willing to step down and throw every inch of her pride out of the window because she knows that even if it doesn't go her way, she still tried her best. She still fought to keep her; and that's the best she could do.

After twenty minutes of driving, she arrived at Brittany's apartment, much to her surprise. She doesn't even know how she actually got there, maybe she just subconsciously memorized how to get there since she often visits Quinn and Rachel. Her watch read 7.50pm, she's early. It makes her look keen, and she's not entirely sure if that is a good thing. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as if it would help her figure out what to do. She finally stepped out of her car and casually checked her appearance on the reflection of her window. She looked reasonably good, okay, more than reasonable. She decided dress in the middle; not to casual but not too formal. Her outfit consists of a pair of skin tight black skinny jeans, a white button up shirt that's a little loose and a little see through to show her black lacy bra just enough to not seem suggestive and a pair of simple black high heeled boots; sexy yet respectable. She smirked at her reflection; at least if she gets rejected, she'll look good doing it.

* * *

><p>Brittany checked her appearance one last time on the full body mirror before nodding her head to reassure she was dressed for the occasion. She didn't want to be too formal so she settled for a white and black body con dress, topped with a leather jacket and a pair of sensible heels. She let out a deep breath when she heard her door bell ring and headed straight to the front door; picking up her belongings on the way out. Knowing Santana, she would not want her to wait a second longer. She reached for the door handle and as the door opened, she tried to leave her doubts behind and focus on the woman smiling shyly in front of her.<p>

"Hey, Britt." There was an obvious pause in the brunette's greeting as she took the taller woman's appearance in without looking too mesmerized, "You look great."

Brittany smiled timidly as she felt a blush creep through her skin. Thank goodness for good make up. "Thanks San, so do you."

It was slightly awkward with all the exchange of compliments; as if it was their first date or something. They have always verbally affectionate towards each other, even when their relationship was not officially romantic. They just liked to appreciate each other's physique; it was obvious that both women were far from being an eye sore. Tonight though, they both weren't sure what this meeting was exactly so it was hard to tell what exactly the exchange of compliments meant.

"You all set?" Santana asked, trying to break the silence that has somehow developed between them. _Stop the awkwardness, that's a good start._

"Yeah, let's get going." Brittany offered as she stepped out of her apartment and started walking beside Santana.

Santana didn't respond, she just flashed a genuinely happy smile and it was enough for the blonde to forget that tonight was not a date; because it was starting to feel like a reunion.

* * *

><p>They arrived at a decent restaurant after much deliberation of where to go. Santana as usual insisted on getting reservations at a high end restaurant because she knew someone who works there but Brittany reassured her that this place was fine; and of course the brunette obliged to the blonde's request, just like the old days. There have been a few exchanges of suggestive smiles; flirtation was something both women were not short of. There have been stolen glances when one of them isn't looking at the other; which was hardly, because ever since they left Brittany's place, Santana has not once paid attention to anything else; even admittedly beating a stop light on the way. Everything seemed to be going smoothly; the conversation flowed easily once they sat down at the restaurant; in a cosy corner which was particularly asked for by the blonde. Whatever it was that she wanted to say; she wanted to do it as privately as possible and even though this made Santana a little nervous, she was just happy to spend time alone with her ex girlfriend, away from the prying eyes of the other customers. <em>No matter what happens, just remember the good times. <em>That's what she keeps reminding herself every time she remembers that there is a fifty percent chance that this will be it for her and Brittany.

"I'm glad we did this, San." Brittany smiled sweetly as she lightly brushed the brunette's hand with her own; sending an electrifying sensation shooting through her veins which caused her to hold her breath for a second.

Santana was surprised with how intimate this night was becoming; she'd expected serious talks, maybe some tears and some arguing but feeling Brittany's soft palms on her skin erased any anxiousness that was building up in the back of her mind, "Me too, B. Can I be honest?"

Brittany's eyes flashed a look of confusion and uncertainty but either way she smiled, "Of course, San. You can be honest with me."

Santana smiled as she placed her other hand on top of Brittany's, "Britt, I miss you so much. It's been so hard trying to accept that you have this whole other life without me. I mean, I knew it would be difficult but _God,_ B, when it finally hit me, I was a wreck. I just didn't know how to function. Listen to me, I'm sorry, I sound so pathetic."

Brittany smiled sympathetically towards the other woman; her eyes landed on brown orbs which glimmered with apology and longing, "Santana, please don't be sorry. I have to be honest, when I left at first I felt relieved. You know after months of us being in a vicious circle; I knew at some point bottled up feelings will explode and they did; and I'm sorry that we had those exchanges, I really am. As much as I wanted to think by myself for a bit, I didn't want to fight with you but it was the spur of the moment thing, I guess. Then finally, I found the courage to leave. It was hard but somehow in the back of my mind, I knew it was the right thing to do."

A tear escaped the brunette's eye and she quickly wiped it away; not wanting to look so emotionally vulnerable, "So where does this leave us?"

"During those weeks of being away from you, I've thought a lot about us," Brittany squeezed Santana's hand gently before continuing, "and it has been a very confusing though process, San. A part of me wants to stay away but every time I see you, I just can't help but gravitate towards you. I miss you, a lot. I just don't know if I can put all my hopes in us, again. We've been through a lot of pain these past few months."

"Then don't think ahead Britt. Think of right now; think about how you feel at this moment, _right here. _Brittany, I am scared. I'm scared to lose you completely but I'm more terrified of hurting you again. But at this very moment, when I look at you, I forget all my fears and all I want to be is with you, so _please_ give us—_me_ another chance. Please, I love you so much." She pleaded through the involuntary tears that have been flowing down her cheeks.

Brittany smiled as she fought the flood of emotions overwhelming her. She shifted closer to Santana, not taking her eyes away from the brunette. Her hand found the outline of Santana's jaw and traced it lightly with her fingertips; taking in every inch of her detail. She could feel the warmth of her breath on her skin; they were that close. Everything just seemed irrelevant at this moment and it was true; whenever she's this close to the brunette, all her inhibitions and worries are forgotten. It just felt so goddamn right that fighting her feelings seemed like such a chore. She took one last glance at the brown hopeful eyes in front of her before darting her eyes to the soft lips waiting for an answer. No words were needed; all it took was a sweet, honest kiss full of hope and trust which said everything she needed to say.

"Just in case you missed that, it means I love you too." Brittany smiled as they pulled away from each other.

Santana took the taller woman's hand and brought it up to her lips and gave it kiss, "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>OH YEAH BOY. BRITTANA IS BACK ON! I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS CHAPTER! I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT SUPER CHEESY...it's not my style of writing. I thrive on angst but I thought it was about time to bring them back together! COMMENTS and REVIEWS are appreciated!<strong>


	18. Finding Our Way Back

**Hey guys! Wow it really has been ages since I've updated and I'm sorry! Just really busy and all! Hope you guys don't think I've abandoned my fics! haha.. Anyway, a little fluff for you since the angst is taking a break... :P ENJOY! Comments and reviews are very appreciated! Thanks!**

* * *

><p>The ray of sunlight that intruded the darkness of her room caused her to slowly open her eyes; squinting at the intensity of the sun outside her bedroom window. <em>What time is it?<em> It's been a long time since she could remember sleeping in or even sleeping at all. It felt good to say the least; it was as if her brain's battery had been replaced with a new one; allowing her to be instantly alert and energized despite just waking up a few minutes ago. She tried to shift and move out of bed but a smile instantly creeps on her lips when she feels the arm around her waist; tugging her back in so she was pressed completely to the warm body next to her. _That's why she slept so well._

She turns around on the bed; facing her company who is still sleeping soundly. Another smile crept across her features as she scanned the freckled perfection in front of her. She let her arm slide on the waist of the porcelain flesh as she absentmindedly toyed with her hipbones. _God, she's beautiful. _It always amazes her how peacefully the blonde looked in her sleep as if the world was a perfect place and there was nothing to worry about. She still couldn't believe it; _she's_ _here,_ on her bed; their bodies closely pressed together as if moulded together. She's forgotten where she ended and where the taller woman began. Every rise and fall of the blonde's chest sends a fluttering feeling in the brunette's heart and it always reminded her of how close she was to losing the one person she's ever truly loved. She promised herself not to let that happen again; _this time it will be different._

"You're such a creeper, Santana Lopez." The warm voice rang in her ear as she snapped out of her day dream. Her eyes were met by intense aquamarine orbs; _God, how she missed waking up to those eyes._

"I can't help it; I need to make sure it's not a dream—that you're not a dream." She moved her body closer to the source of the warm energy and let her head settle on the crook of the blonde's neck; inhaling her sweet honey scent. She placed an affectionate kiss on the dip of her collarbone and it earned her a loving squeeze on her side.

"You're a sweet creeper. I missed you a lot, San." She said it in that adorable way as she pulled the brunette's face up so that they were at eye level. "I missed waking up next to you."

Santana shifted so that their foreheads were pressed together and she let the blonde's word linger in her ears as she felt her warm sweet breath on her skin. "I missed this, a lot." She simply replies as she closes the gap between them; pulling the taller woman into a sweet, passionate kiss that could only explain her feelings. Santana's never been good with words but she's always been a great kisser.

* * *

><p>"So Lopez, I'll accept your thank you card in the form of a cheque or a new 3D TV." The voice on the other end of the phone sounded like a smug little bulldog, <em>Quinn Fabray.<em>

Santana rolled her eyes exaggeratedly as she pranced around her apartment in her underwear and an oversized basketball jersey. "I see word travels fast," she looks at the figure lying on her couch watching TV before returning back to her conversation with Quinn and making pancakes, "Why do I need to thank you?"

"Because, Sandbags, you guys totally got it on at _my_ party which lead to her now probably chilling around in your apartment barely clothed." Quinn reasoned; chuckling slightly at the use of Santana's high school nick name from Sue Sylvester.

"Fabgay, calling me Sandbags isn't going to gain you a 3D TV. Besides, what happened was meant to happen, and it wasn't due to your lame excuse for a party." She joked; everything seems like they're back to normal. She was back to her sharp tongued humour with Quinn.

"Nice to have you back, Lezpez. Do me a favour and call me when you're ready to thank me, properly. Until then, enjoy getting laid." Quinn shot back playfully.

"It was nice talking to you to Fabgay." She replied in a sing song voice before putting the phone down and returning her full attention to the pancakes.

She placed the pancakes and bacon on a plate and proceeded to walk towards the giggling figure on the couch. The familiar sound of a kids' television programme blared through her home cinema and she couldn't help but feel happy at the familiarity of the situation. When Brittany left, the living room became her home; it's where she slept, ate, drank and sulked. She should really hate this room as it contained all the shitty memories of the past few months but seeing the blonde lying on the couch laughing adorably; she completely forgot about those times. Instead, they were replaced with all the memories of her and Brittany fooling around, tickling each other, watching movies, cuddling; just being them. She almost couldn't believe that it was only last night that they decided to give it another go; it feels like they're totally back to the way they used to be before _his death._

That's right. Santana still hasn't forgotten about him but she's accepted his departure. She's not ready to talk about him per se but he will always be remembered and knowing him, he would have scolded the brunette for the way she treated Brittany before. Now it's all in the past and she's done grieving; she's ready to move on.

Sensing another person in the room, Brittany sat up from the couch to see the brunette holding a plate of pancakes and bacon but more importantly, she was wearing her oversized basketball jersey which left little to the imagination. She smiled devilishly, cocking her eyebrows at the same time.

"_What?"_ Santana asked, confused by her girlfriend's—_wow, it's great to say that again__—_ reaction. "What did I do?"

Brittany let out a small chuckle at the brunette's adorable reaction, "Nothing babe, come sit. I'm totally starving!"

The shorter woman sat herself beside the blonde, as Brittany automatically swung her legs across Santana's lap, so she was effectively sitting on her girlfriend's lap. Brittany was also not wearing much, from what Santana can judge. Those shorts aren't even supposed to be legal; it also made her smile that the blonde did leave some of her clothes behind. Whether it was because she was anticipating this, she doesn't know but that's out the question.

"You're really _that_ hungry, Britt?" Santana smiled at her girlfriend's adorableness.

Brittany flashed a devilish smile that was instantly recognized by the brunette and she cocked her eyebrows in disbelief and well, agreement.

"Maybe we should skip breakfast then?" Santana chimed as she set the pancakes on the table and pretty much jumped on the blue eyed woman.

"We can have pancakes for desert!" Brittany chuckled as she closed the gap between her and Santana with a searing kiss.

* * *

><p>"Seriously, Britt, you can just stay over tonight." Santana stated as she sat up in bed, the sheets loosely hung on her; her hair dishevelled, lips swollen as she watched the blonde woman stand abandon the space beside her, standing up to reveal her fully exposed body and it made Santana want to pull her back into bed. "Just, stay?"<p>

Brittany started putting her clothes on; finding them was a bit of a challenge as the room looked like a bomb site from their activities earlier. Turns out, they'd spend the whole day in bed. She gave Santana and apologetic smile as she put her shirt on. The Latina looked like a sad puppy with her mocha orbs radiating sadness. "I'm sorry baby, but I have work tomorrow and it's closer to my apartment. I'll see you after work though?"

Santana watched as the imperial form sauntered back to the bed; still half dressed, and lay beside the brunette, snuggling close to the olive skinned beauty. Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany, not wanting this moment to end as she rested her cheek on top of the blonde hair. "I know, I know. I'm sorry if I sound too needy. I understand we should take things slow."

Brittany smiled against the warm skin and planted a soft kiss on the Latina's collarbone. "Thanks baby." She muttered as she drew circles on the toned arms, "You know it's hard for me to leave, with you being all naked and sexy under these covers."

"You are such a tease Brittany S. Pierce!" Santana's eyes shot a playful disbelieving look. "You are not going anywhere after that!" she stated as she flipped their positions so rapidly, the blonde couldn't have done anything to avoid it. Now, the naked brunette was straddling the half naked blonde.

"One hour more?" Brittany playfully offers as she let her hormones get the better of her. _Damn it, I forgot how much fun this was, _she thought as she felt the soft kisses tingle on her warm skin.

"I knew you'd give in." Santana smirked against the creamy skin; she was once again, victorious.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so guys I hope you like the fluff! It's not my usual writing style as you know I love angst ahah..but let me know what you think! x<strong>


	19. Family Matters

**Hello kids, I'm back ;)! Sorry it took so long! I've been busy with uni and then christmas and new year festivities! Here's to you guys! Hope you like it, comments and reviews are appreciated! :)**

* * *

><p>It's quite weird having something to look forward to again. She has forgotten how it feels to have a reason to wake up each morning and not to have a shitty feeling in the pit of your stomach telling her, <em>"Kid, your life is falling apart". <em>She has forgotten how amazing it feels, to feel again. It may seem like the cheese fest of the year but that's how things are right now.

Normality is finally making its way back to her life again and she feels like the mother of a prodigal child coming back home. Days like these, when she wakes up to a soft kiss on her shoulder and warm hands snaking around her waist, she regrets all the time she wasted on trying to get Brittany back because just being in her presence makes her feel a million times better. It's the simple things like how the bed is warmer when they snuggle; how the pillows and sheets smell like both of their moisturisers and shampoos mixed together; the comfort she finds when the space beside her on the bed dips when Brittany climbs under the covers; the little conversations they have before drifting off to sleep. It's the simple things that really make her realize how much she needs this woman in her life. She'll go further to say that Brittany is her life.

She'll admit it, she's still shit scared. Scared that she'll do something to fuck everything up and lose her again. Even though they are both moving on from the past, it's inevitable for Santana to be a worrier. She's always been the worrier and Brittany's always been the one to calm her down and ease her mind but at the moment, her worries are kept within the confinements of her thoughts because she feels like her fears are insignificant and it makes her seem weak. She doesn't want to be weak; she needs to be strong for both of them.

"San, you need to get up. Finals are coming up and you need to study." Brittany mutters against the caramel skin. "Baby, get up."

"I'm awake, Britt. I just don't want to get up; it's too early. Let's just lie here for a bit?" She pleads, turning over to face Brittany and her cute sleepy features, "Even you're not fully awake."

"That's because I don't need to be anywhere until this afternoon. Babe, we both know you'll stress out later if you don't get up now." The blonde reasons out as she inches closer to the brunette, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"I really don't think that helped, Britt. Now, I really don't want to get up." Santana smiles devilishly as her hand found its way under the taller woman's tank top and teasingly inched its way up, closer and closer to Brittany's chest.

"San, baby, we'll have sweet lady kisses later. Go study?" the taller woman insisted in that sweet, adorable way when her lips form a pout and her blue eyes go innocent and pleading; how could she even say no to that?

"Oh Britt, you're doing it again. Okay, I'll get up mom." She joked rolling out of bed as quickly as possible so she couldn't convince herself that being in the bed with her blonde is a better idea. She wrapped her dressing gown around her to replace the warmth enveloping her body under the covers but it didn't do her justice. She sighed heavily, Brittany is probably right, she really needs to get cracking on her studies; she hasn't exactly been student of the month for the past few months. The last thing she needs is her parents breathing down her neck about how they pay for her education and her living costs. Blah blah blah.

As she makes her way out of the bedroom, her phone starts ringing. It's only 7 in the morning and someone's already phoning her? This must be some wrong number or those annoying adverts she so grumpily takes. She runs to the bedside table to grab her phone, "Mami Lopez" was flashing on the display. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, what exactly could her mother want at this time of the morning?

"Hello Mami?" she answers half whispering, as she made her way out of the room; catching one last glance at the blonde haired woman sleeping soundly on her bed.

Brittany was aware of the phone call Santana just answered. She knew the brunette's mother would not be calling unless there's something important; closeness in the Lopez family wasn't their strongest point, although she knew the older woman was way more affectionate towards Santana than the brunette's father. She pretends to be fast asleep but keeps an open ear for their conversation on the other side of the wall.

"Hello mija, how are you doing?" there was something in her mother's tone she couldn't quite point her finger on. Somewhere between the odd call timing and the restrained sound of her voice, she knew something was up.

"I'm doing well. I just got up early to start studying for finals. How are you and Papi?" she casually answers; trying not to dwell on her prediction.

There was an uneasy pause on the other end of the line, "Mami? Are you still there?"

She thought she heard a restrained sob but she wasn't sure until her mother finally answered.

"Santana, I need you to fly back to Lima. As soon as possible." There was a desperate pleading in her voice; something that the young brunette hasn't heard of since that time in the limo on the way back to their house after Marco's funeral.

"What's wrong? What happened? What happened to Papi?" she questioned. Her voice was full of unexpected concern. It surprised her as much as it did her mother. Santana and her father have never been the closest individuals in their family but there was something about losing a family member. She didn't want to go through that again.

"He's… he's in the hospital, mija." The quivering voice of the older Lopez sent a disheartening feeling all over Santana. She wished she was in Lima, Ohio right now comforting her mother who was all alone and vulnerable. She's never thought she's say those exact words.

"What happened to him?"

"We were out having dinner last night even though he'd been complaining that his arms felt a little numb for a few days now. I told him to speak to one of his colleagues but you know your father. Anyway, he insisted on going so we did. Everything was fine until during the middle of our meal he started slurring his words and I noticed a slight dropped on one side of his features. Then he started choking on the food, that's when I yelled for someone to call an ambulance. The doctors said it was a—"she was cut off before she could even finish her sentence.

"Stroke." Santana whispered on the phone, trying to keep her calm. She knew the symptoms; she remembers her father making up a game of "guess the illness" when she was younger. It was one of his failed attempts to bond with her. He got too impatient that the young brunette didn't guess anything right. How ironic that she was able to tell what happened to him.

"Yes, mija. You're father had a stroke. He's unconscious right now but the doctors said he's stable. They don't know the permanent damage yet because he hasn't woken up. Please, Santana, fly back to Lima as soon as possible. I know you and your father have your differences but he loves you very much." Once again her mother pleaded, and it was evident in her voice that she was crying on the other line.

"I'll leave as soon as possible. I'll be there Mami for _you_." She answered, making her point clear.

As soon as she put the phone down, she made her way back to the bedroom where she found Brittany looking at her with concerned eyes. She tries to smile and not breakdown in front of her but it was useless. Brittany is the only who can make her feel okay to be vulnerable. She suddenly finds herself under the taller woman's embrace as she sobs. Why she's crying so much is such a surprise to her; of course she was sad to hear the news about her father but frankly, she never thought she cared this much. After all he put her through, she still cared this much.

"Baby, what happened?" Brittany soothingly touches the brunette's back to ease her from shaking.

"My father, he just had a stroke. I need to fly back to Lima." She explains in between tears.

"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you, San. Anything you need, I'll help you with it." Strong, slender arms wrapped around her torso tighter pulling her closer.

Santana broke free from the embrace and looked at the blue orbs intently, "Will you come back with me? To Lima?" she asked hesitantly. She wasn't sure if Brittany was ready for this, especially because they just sorted their issues recently.

Brittany pauses for an answer. She's not quite sure it was a good idea for her to see Santana's parents especially her father after what happened but here was Santana looking vulnerable and distraught. It was difficult to say no but at the same time saying yes felt like some kind of sentence. She squeezes the brunette's hand to show her concern, "Of course, I will. I know you need me to."

A slight smile forms on the Latina's face, "Thank you Britt. I love you so much."

"I love you too baby." She answers as she pulls Santana to her side and wraps her arms around her.

Their moment of bliss is somehow ruined by this deeply saddening news but at least this time Santana knows they have each other, for certain and that thought is keeping her from breaking down and losing her sanity.

* * *

><p><strong>So a little angst but not between Brittana! It'll be nice to see how they'll both deal with this and more Brittana moments to follow dont you worry!<strong>


	20. Hello, Ohio

**Hello guys! Just updated both fics since I have more time in my hands but I'm seem to be having a bit of a block from writing! Hope it goes away soon as I hate leaving such a long gap between posts! Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Now that Santana and Brittany are back together, I'd like to explore their relationship more and why they are so good together. Also, more interaction with Santana's parents and probably Brittany's too. We'll see :) Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 20<p>

"_We have begun our descent towards Dayton Airport. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. Thank you for flying with United Airlines. We hope you had a relaxing and enjoyable flight." _The pilot's voice blasted through the plane intercom as the plane descended towards its destination.

Seated somewhere in the middle of the plane on an aisle seat, Santana tightened her grip on her armrest. She closed her eyes momentarily, feeling the obvious change of altitude making her more nauseas than she wanted to be. She has never been a fan of plane rides. As much as possible she wanted to stay on ground level where there's no chance of crashing back down to earth in pieces of unidentifiable material. Planes made her feel claustrophobic; there's nowhere else to go. Once you're in, you're trapped in this heavy metal cylinder with metal wings and massive metal jet engines and how the hell can it stay up there when it's fucking heavy? She shook her thoughts and looked around to see everyone chatting normally, no one is more panicked than her in this freaking plane. She felt a light brush on her left hand and she turned to see blue eyes staring at her full of concern. She smiles at Brittany to re-assure her that she's fine. She's freaking out but she'll be fine. The blonde understood her message but she never took her hand away of the brunette's. She tactically intertwined their fingers as she slowly ran her thumb on the side of Santana's hand.

"Babe, I'll be fine. It's just routine anxiety." Once again the shorter woman stated; as if she was also trying to convince herself of the same thing.

"I know babe. I just want to hold your hand." Brittany smiled as she rested her head on Santana's shoulder.

Santana's lips grazed the crown of her girlfriend's head. She could smell Brittany's favourite shampoo and somehow it gave her a sense of comfort. She imagined them back in Los Angeles, having a lazy day in bed all cuddled up and this took her mind away from the plane's further descend.

* * *

><p>As the wheels first touched the tarmac of the runway, it made the plane jerk causing Santana to tighten her grip on the armrest even more. She now had her eyes tightly shut; nose crinkled up in a terrified reaction. Brittany sympathized for her girlfriend's fear of planes and flying but she found this thoroughly adorable. Whenever they fly anywhere, this is her favourite moment. Seeing Santana let her guard down and admit that she's shit scared; Brittany just wanted to protect her and envelop her in a tight hug. A few more minutes and the plane was running smoothly on the track and a loud exhale came out of Santana's lips.<p>

"I _fucking_ hate planes." She intentionally whispered to Brittany as there were a few kids in the plane and as much of a badass she is, well bar the whole plane thing, she still respected the fact that parents would not appreciate swear words in front of their youngsters. "I wish I can just drive everywhere."

Brittany offered her an understanding smile. "Well, if it makes you feel better, you look totally cute with your face all scrunched up."

Santana gave her an incredulous look. "Thanks?"

The plane finally came to a halt and they gathered their bags and lined up to exit the cabin. Santana was the impatient passenger who, without Brittany almost physically holding her back, would have pushed her way out of the narrow aisle just to get out. But then she realizes what's waiting for her in Lima, Ohio and she wasn't sure if she wanted to push through the crowd or stay buckled in her seat.

/

The drive from Dayton to Lima took just a little more than two hours given that Brittany was the one behind the wheel. The girl liked to stick to the speed limits, do the occasional pit stops and what not. Santana would usually get impatient and ask to switch places but this time she sat quietly on the passenger's side contemplating how she would handle the situation waiting for her at Lima Memorial Hospital. She could picture her mother crying incessantly and her father lying on the hospital bed helpless. She's never been in this situation before and she thought that if she ever saw this day, Marco would be there to hold their family together. That was the ideal situation but the reality is that she's the only one left to hold them together. Marco would have been great; he handled stressful things so calmly and Santana, well, she doesn't but she's going to have to try so damn hard. She needs to make sure her mother gets some rest and also, she needs to know her father's situation. When she thought life couldn't get any worse? At least Brittany's there with her and that saves her from a complete meltdown.

"Hey San, are you alright?" the blonde's voice invaded her thoughts and she blinked out of her trance and cocked her head to the driver's side.

"I don't know Britt." Her hands were clasped together as she nervously nipped her skin, "I'm scared."

Brittany offered a sympathetic smile. It was hard to offer words of encouragement without sounding like a Hallmark card because she knew Santana didn't like mushy things. She knew the girl didn't like things sugar coated; she wanted the real low down. It's difficult for someone like Brittany think about things with a pessimistic mind set; she's always been the optimist out of the two. Looking at Santana, she knew the girl is on the verge of crying and it pains her to see that face all tear streaked. She pulled over on a lee way so she can comfort the brunette.

"San, you're a strong person. I know you're scared right now but you will find the strength within you to help you deal with this and I'll be here to help you find it. You've been through a lot and look at you, still standing and fighting. I believe in you, San." Brittany said as she leaned over to cup Santana's face. She planted a slow searing kiss to help the brunette relax her nerves a little bit.

It was just like high school all over again during her senior prom when she ran to the choir room revelling in defeat and self pity. Brittany was there to comfort her and to encourage her to forget her fears. Brittany has always believed in her; more than she ever believed in herself and that's what keeps her going up to this very day.

"I could have never done this without you, Britt. I could have never lived my life the way I have without you."

* * *

><p>The hospital still smells the same and Santana still hates it as much, if not more, than she did before. She and hospitals have never had the best of relationships. The last time she was here Brittany was lying helpless on the bed, fighting for her life; before that, well, the morgue was technically still part of the hospital and she did not like that at all. Now she's back for the third time in less than a year, what the heck? She prayed to whoever is up there that this will be the last time she'll ever have to step in this building again.<p>

She kept her hand intertwined with Brittany the whole way through the lobby and now in the elevator; she could feel her palms sweating with anxiety and the gentle squeeze from the blonde to re-assure her. Thank goodness she's here otherwise; Santana would not be standing here. She'd still be back in Los Angeles probably admitting herself to a mental institution. She looked up to smile at Brittany, it makes her feel so much better seeing her smile back with so genuine concern.

The elevator doors opened and they both stepped out of it into the unfamiliar part of the hospital. This floor looked like a five star hotel, the decorations looked expensive, the floors were spotless clean and not made up of that cheap vinyl flooring and most of all, it did not smell like standard disinfectant. Yes, there was still a hint of it in the air but the ventilation here was probably better than the rest of the building. In short, it didn't feel like a hospital and immediately Santana relaxed a little bit. They both looked at each other with an approving look, as if they know this is what the brunette's father would have picked.

"Even in times like these, he's still such a snob." Santana uttered it in a matter-of-factly tone. She wasn't being horrible; she was just telling the truth.

"Babe, you know your dad. Plus, he's a doctor here. This was probably part of his benefits working here." Brittany smiled, trying not to urge on Santana's observation although she was probably right, it was the last thing she should be worrying about.

They kept walking down the hall still admiring how posh this area was. Santana looked out for her father's room number. When they finally reached the room, Santana stood there stuck for few minutes. She wanted to compose herself before going into that room. She needed to look strong for her mother and her father even though he wouldn't be able to see her. Brittany opted to sit in the lounge and convince her girlfriend that it will be better if she went in on her own first, talk to her mother and then bring up the fact that she's not on her own. Santana hesitated at first but eventually she gave in; it was the better plan. She shouldn't bombard her mother with too many things all at once; it could be overwhelming for her.

"I'll be out here if you need me okay?" Brittany re-assured, touching Santana's cheeks with both her hands.

"I know, thank you for being here." Santana smiled letting her know that she will be alright.

She turned her back on the blonde and faced the white door.

"Dr Alberto Lopez…" She read the name plate mentally before finally turning the door knob and slowly opening the door as she took a deep breath, as if she was diving into the deepest part of the ocean.

* * *

><p><strong>So there we go, another arc to the story! Hope you like it! Please comment and review! THANKS!<strong>


	21. Mothers Know Best

**Hello guys! I'm back with an update. Uni has just started and I can't even begin to describe how much work is lined up for me this semester on top of everything else. So, I hope that I can still update regularly and hope that you guys will keep reading! This chapter will focus on Santana's family life but will obviously still have Brittana. I think it's about time I address the whole family issue thing. I hope you like it and please please comment and review because it helps me know if the story still interests you! Ideas and suggestions are welcome :)! THANK YOU!**

* * *

><p>She pushed the door open slowly as she took a peek of the room. It was a big room, much like she expected. The ceilings were high and it was clad in expensive furniture; it was reminiscent of her parent's house, funnily enough. Her eyes landed on the figure sleeping on the leather couch; her mother slept with a light frown on her face. Santana studied her features; she's still beautiful; her skin is still perfect but she noticed the wrinkles and worry lines that were never there before. Santana frowned to herself; it still felt like yesterday when she left for college and almost five years on, nothing in her life is the same apart from Brittany.<p>

She made her way inside as quietly as possible and walked towards the sleeping figure with caution. She was aware that her father was just on the other side of the room but she stopped herself from looking at him. That needed more mental preparation and probably her mother's support.

"Mami," she whispered as she gently tapped her mother's shoulder careful not to give her a fright.

The older woman shifted and slowly opened her eyes to be faced with her daughter's sympathetic smile. She smiled back feeling the worry leave her body for a moment,"Santanita! Thank goodness you're here". She blurted out with a tone of gratification that made Santana smile wider as she bent down to give her mother a sincere hug.

"Of course Mami, I was really worried about you—" she paused breaking free from her mother's embrace and allowing herself to look at her father "…and Papi." She turned her attention back to her mom, trying to gauge how she was feeling. A part of her felt guilty for showing her hesitation about her being here for her father but she couldn't help it. Twenty one years of their kind of relationship does that.

"Mija, I'm really grateful you managed to fly out here. Are you alright? Do you need anything at all?" she asked slightly worried since Santana dropped a lot to be there.

"I'm fine mom. I really should be asking you that. How are you? How's dad?" she sat down beside the older woman, still maintaining her gaze to the figure lying on the hospital bed.

"He's stable now. The doctors and nurses are taking real good care of him. I'm glad for that. As for me, I'm just trying not to stress out too much, mija. Are you staying at the house while you're here?" She asked curiously.

Santana sighed. She had to tell her mother that Brittany is here with her. Her mother has always been okay with her and Brittany but she wasn't sure if it was the right time to bring it up. "Actually, Brittany's here with me…" she looked at the older set of brown eyes to see her reaction; it was okay so far, "so if it's not cool with you, we can stay at a hotel or her parents' house." She bit her lip.

Her mother flashed the young brunette a comforting smile. "Santana, you know I have no problems about you and Brittany. Of course you can stay at the house; it'll be good have some company. It's been a while." She placed her hands om top of Santana's. The younger Latina's heart melted and for a moment, guilt washed over her. She distanced herself from her parents because of her father's attitude towards her and she forgot that her mom is still her mom. She's still the same loving woman who unfortunately is married to her father, and even that part isn't her fault.

"Gracias, Mamita." She replied, giving her mother another hug.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes if talking to her mother, Santana excused herself from the room. It still kind of hasn't sunk in that her father is lying almost lifeless on the bed. A part of her doesn't want to acknowledge it because she knows it affects her more than she lets on so if that happens, there's a big chance that she might actually cry—over her dad. Another part is saying is not affected because the man lying on that bed is merely a stranger to her. He's never really been there for her emotionally and really she never felt his presence as a father therefore she couldn't grieve for him.<p>

She made her way to the waiting room where Brittany was sat reading a random magazine with her headphones on. The blonde was gently bobbing her head to the music, oblivious of her surroundings, and this put a smile on Santana's face—at least Brittany's here; it could be worse. She walked towards her girlfriend stealthily; thank god Brittany was facing away from her and wrapped her hands around the blonde's neck.

"Hey baby," She greeted, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "enjoying the waiting room?" she asked trying not to sound down.

The blonde locked eyes with her as she tried to get a feel of the situation. She eyes Santana, following her movements closely as the brunette took the seat next to her; taking her headphones off in the process. "Babe, you're trying to sound less sad than you really are." She raised her eyebrows when Santana attempted a witty come back, "San, I know you."

"I'm sorry, Britt." She looked down on her hands and she didn't even realize her fidgeting. "It's just; I can't get my head around this situation. It hasn't sunk in, seeing him lying there. I don't know how I feel. I feel sorry for Mami but you know I don't know how I feel about him."

An understanding smile flashed across Brittany's face. She understood Santana's relationship with her father and it was a step forward to actually talk about her feelings, especially for him, even though it seems like she doesn't really have any prominent feelings. "I get it babe. You and your dad didn't have the best of relationships but I'm really proud of you for being here even if it's for your mom. I'm sure she really appreciates it."

"Yeah, she's great. I feel guilty for distancing myself from her too. But she said we can stay at the house while we're here. I think she misses having company over, other than my dad." Santana explained, taking Brittany's hand in hers "Is that okay for you?"

"Of course sweetie, that's great. I need to visit my mom while I'm here though, I haven't seen her much even after," she hesitated mentioning anything about the accident as they haven't really brought it up much,"…you know."

Santana gave her a considerate nod, "Yeah of course, Britt. We can visit Janet anytime. Are we forgetting how near your house is to mine?"

"I know, San. I just don't want to take you away from your family at this time. Your mom needs you and your dad, too."

"I won't be spending all my time in this hospital, B. Hospitals weird me out." She frowned at the thought of her mom spending most of her nights in this place; it was eerily silent and just kind of creepy especially at night.

"Okay, if you say so." She smiled. "So, how's your mom?"

"Why don't you go ask her yourself? She wants to see you." Santana grabbed her by the hand and started leading her back to the room.

"Is that a good idea? I mean, what if your dad wakes up? I don't want to cause trouble babe." Brittany asked as they were walking back to the room. She bit her lip as she felt nervousness envelope her whole body.

"Babe, my mom is cool okay? She just acts all weird around us when my dad is there. Something about being a submissive wife." She turned around and gave the blonde a peck on the lips to re-assure that she's going to be fine under the presence of the older Lopez woman.

"Okay." Was all Brittany could say before the door opened and she had to put a warm smile to her face. "Hi, Mrs Lopez, it's nice to see you again." She greeted giving the woman a hug.

"Hello, Brittany, please just call me Rosita. I've known you since you were a little girl, there's no need for the formality." She smiled warmly at both of the younger women.

Brittany replied with a wide smile. The knot in her stomach finally relaxed as she acknowledged Rosita's warm welcome.

"How are you doing, Rosita?" Brittany asked, momentarily looking over to the figure on the bed.

"I'm alright, mija. Thank you for coming here with Santana. I'm sure you'll keep her mind at rest, if anything happens." The older woman replied, her eyes looking downcast as she said the last sentence.

For a moment, Brittany and Santana shared a knowing look, mixed with concern for Rosita. They both know she's trying to be stronger than she normally is required to be. "I'm very happy to help with anything, Rosita. Even if it's babysitting Santana here." The blonde joked to lighten up the mood.

Rosita let out a small laugh, "She's a handful this one." She smiled at Santana as she adoringly touched her arm.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure your mom is going to be okay at the hospital on her own?" Brittany asked breaking the silence that was enveloping their car journey.<p>

Santana had barely said a word after they left the hospital even though she seemed alright when they were taking to Rosita. Brittany is fully aware of the emotions that her girlfriend was trying to mask when they were talking to the older woman. She knows Santana has a hard time letting her emotional guard down even with her parents. It even took a long time for the brunette to be open about her feelings with her, but that's just who Santana is.

"I think so. She's pretty much treated like royalty there and visiting hours apparently don't apply to that part of the hospital." The brunette replied seemingly unattached to the whole situation. She kept her eyes on the road and her hands firm on the steering wheel.

"But I mean like, is she going to be okay? Alone?" for some reason she doesn't want to let this go. She wants to know what Santana is feeling and why she's acting like she's not concerned.

"Baby, she's fine. I just want to sleep; it's been a long day." The Latina didn't mean to sound harsh but her exhaustion was almost unbearable and she wasn't feeling like talking about feelings tonight. First of all she needed to figure out what her actual feelings are.

Blue eyes looked at her with worry but said nothing. Brittany knew that it was best to leave the serious topic off the tables for now. "Want to take a bath when we get to your parents' house?" she suggested, trying to lighten the mood, as usual.

"Yeah that'd be nice, B." Santana replied as she forced an apologetic smile.

They arrived at the house twenty minutes later and they headed straight in. Both of them felt the exhaustion caused by the trip they had today and just wanted to relax. Santana headed straight to the kitchen to search the fridge for some wine. As usual, there were countless bottles of different brands and maturity. She took a bottle of a familiar brand and raided the cupboard for two glasses.

When she made her way to her room, the bathroom door was already open and she could hear the water running. She smiled as she made her way to the en suite where she found Brittany lighting up some candles. The blonde has already shed her clothes and was only wearing a fluffy robe which made her look adorable yet sexy.

"Just like old times." Santana stated as she set the glasses and the bottle on the table beside the bath.

"Even better than old times." Brittany smiled, undoing the knot on her robe. She slid off the garment easily and Santana watched as it fell on the ground, her eyes tracing the figure in front of her. Brittany gave her a shy smile, as she stepped into the bath. She gave Santana a look that hypnotised the brunette and before she knew it, she was in the bath tub, sitting across Brittany.

"Wine?" she offered, and Brittany willingly accepted. She handed the glass over to her girlfriend as she took as sip.

The light hit Brittany's face just perfectly. Her eyes reflect the flame from the candles, the intensity of her blue eyes was captivating. Her porcelain skin glowed under the darkness of the room and ripples from the water bounced of her features, it was breath taking view.

"You're so beautiful." Santana whispered audibly, as if she was still under a spell.

Brittany grabbed her hand and gently pulled her to the other side of the tub. She pulled Santana flush to her body until there was no visible space between them. "I think you're beautiful too."

She smiled taking the glass out of Santana's hands and setting them back on the table. She intertwined her hands with the brunette's, as she enveloped the smaller woman in her hug. Santana leans back, letting her body relax under the warmth of the water and the comfort of Brittany's embrace. She let her head fall on the blonde's chest, feeling her breathing and her breasts up against her back. It was a peaceful moment and that's what she wanted. She didn't want to think about anything else but this.

"I love you so much, Britt." She hums in her state of relaxation. She could feel Brittany's smile even though she had her eyes closed.

Slowly, the blonde's lips lowered down on hers and she could feel the warm air as Brittany ghosted over her lips for a moment. She didn't want to open her eyes; she just wanted to feel everything. She wanted to activate all her senses. She could hear the silent ripples of the water; she could feel the warmth emitting from Brittany's skin as contrast to her hardened nipples on the brunette's back. She felt her lips tingle as they met Brittany's in a slow, careful kiss. It was passionate and lovely and the flutter in her heart was ever so present. Their tongues danced in a precise rhythm; everything was perfect yet not calculated. Brittany's arms enveloped her tighter as she let herself surrender under the embrace. She let herself melt into the arms of the one she loves. Her emotional walls crumbled into dust as she let her feelings known through touch, through every stroke of the tongue. They don't need words; this was enough to convey everything. It was more than just kissing; it was their way of communicating. Sure sex is going to be the aftermath but Santana loved this moment. She loved letting her emotions go when it comes to Brittany because she knows she'll keep her safe. Brittany is the only thing that saves her.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you liked it! A bit of fluff at the end that I almost turned into smut BUT I was on the train when I wrote this chapter so I didn't feel comfortable writing about a sex scene hahaha... anyways, please review guys! :)<strong>


	22. A Stranger of The Past

**Hey people! So I'm back with an update and I'm introducing a new twist. I hope you like it and please comment and review! Suggestion are welcome :)! Thanks for reading enjoy!**

**Also, there's a lot of Spanish dialogue in this chapter. I don't speak Spanish so I used google translate, please don't hate :)**

* * *

><p>The next day Santana headed to the hospital quite early since she got a text from her mom saying that she needs to run some errands and asked Santana if she could stay by her father's side while the older woman was gone. Santana was hesitant to take up the offer but of course she knew didn't have a choice. No one else will do it and she felt obliged to stand in for her mother. Whatever it was that the older woman had to do was probably important, otherwise she wouldn't leave her father's side.<p>

She didn't want to wake Brittany up because she knew how exhausted her girlfriend was from their journey yesterday so she had to sneak out of the bedroom quietly and leave her a note on the kitchen island. She got ready as quickly as possible and headed straight out to the hospital.

When she got there, her mother was sitting down on the couch looking all freshened up, as if she was going to meet someone important. It made Santana curious because the older woman has been very vague about her "errands" for the day.

"Hola mami, sorry if you've been waiting long. I got here as quickly as I can." She greeted, giving her mom a kiss on each side of her cheek.

"Don't worry mija. You're just in time. I'm sorry I had to text you in such short notice but I'll be back as soon as I can." She smiled at Santana gratefully. She seemed to be in hurry but didn't want to show it.

"Where are you going? You seem very dressed up." She asked curiously, trying not to sound like she was intruding.

Her mother looked at her intently but she couldn't figure out what the older woman was trying to say, "I'm just meeting with some friends, mija. I hope that's alright." Rosita knew it was a lame excuse to get out of the hospital and let Santana watch over her father.

Santana bit her lip as guilt washed over her. What the hell was she thinking asking about where her mother was going? Now the older Lopez is hesitant to leave. "Oh mami, of course, that's alright! I'm sorry if I sounded nosey. I'm glad you're going to see your friends, you need to get out of here once in a while." She explained apologetically.

"Gracias mija, I won't take too long." Rosita replied, giving Santana a hug.

"Take your time mami." Santana whispers to her while they hug.

* * *

><p>When her mother left, she tried to busy herself by going on her laptop and catching up on some college work. Usually they don't allow laptops or cell phones inside the patient's room but this floor seemed to be above the general rules and that didn't bother Santana, in fact it worked on her favour because finals were coming up and even though she had quickly emailed her Director of Studies and told her about the situation, she still wanted to do some work towards her dissertation. Plus, it made her forget that she was in a hospital room all alone with her father.<p>

Doctors and nurses have been in and out to check up on him and they have also informed Santana of his current condition. Apparently, he gained consciousness last night but just briefly. For now he's stable but they explained to her that it would take a long recovery process and that he would probably be out of practice indefinitely. Santana frowned at this because as much as she hated her father being away because of his job a lot, she knew how much the man loved being able to help people. He was passionate about medicine, probably more than his own family. She knew her parents had enough money to last them a long time so that didn't bother her, she was just dreading to tell her father the news. It wasn't going to be easy.

"Ros…" a mumble from the bed caused Santana to look up; her heart was thudding against her chest. This is going to be the first time she'll see her father conscious and she wasn't sure what to do. "Rossss" he slurred, trying to catch someone's attention. Santana sat up and slowly walked to the bed.

"Hey dad, it's Santana." She spoke hesitantly, "Mom just went out for a bit to see some friends, do you need anything?" she was trying to be as calm as possible.

He looked at her with a bit of embarrassment in his eyes. Santana knew it wasn't easy for him to be this way especially around her since he's always been a man of power and control. Seeing him like this makes her worry about him and so it makes sense that he would feel so out of place in this position.

"Waatrr" he managed to slur, without looking her straight to her eyes.

Santana took the bottle of water with a straw and edged closer to him and placed it near his mouth. He could move his right side so he took the straw in between his fingers and placed it between his lips. This was all done with quite a difficulty but Santana didn't want to help him and make him feel incapable. She knew he would hate something like that so she stood there holding the bottle. When he was done, he tapped her hand gently to let her know.

"Gracc..iaass" he uttered.

"De nada, Papi." _You're welcome, Papi._ She replied sitting the bottle down on the table again.

She was about to head back to the couch when she felt s gentle grip on her wrist. Her pulse quickened and she stayed frozen on her current spot before she slowly turned around to face him. His eyes were soft and gentle; Santana has never seen them like this before. He always looked stern and serious and now, he seems like a completely different man.

"What else do you need, Papi?" she figured he needed something else that's why he grabbed her attention, literally.

He looked at her sincerely as if her was trying to say something but couldn't spell it out.

"Do you need a pen and some paper?" Santana guessed as she tried not to look at him with pity and concern. He nodded once and she ran to the couch where she had a pen and paper and gave it to him.

For a moment she watched as he tried so hard to scribble the words he needed to say. She quickly averted her gaze so he wouldn't feel pressured to write faster, it was quite difficult to watch him struggle. "M-mija"… he stuttered handing over the piece of paper to Santana.

She took the paper and read his message. A tear escaped from her eyes without her realizing as she stared at the sentence on the page. His handwriting was a lot harder to read because of his current condition but Santana has never been happier in her life. She read out the words on the piece of paper, "Lo siento, mija. Por favor, perdóname." _I'm sorry, honey. Please forgive me._

She glanced at her father to see the look on his face. He looked very apologetic, almost close to tears as Santana clutched the piece of paper to her chest. It was as if a wave of relief washed over her. She'd been waiting for this day for a very long time, to hear some acknowledgement from her father, and it touched every bit of her heart. "Por supuesto, te perdono papi."_ Of course, I forgive you, Papi._

They both smiled at each other before Santana gave him a gentle hug. It was sad that he had to be in this condition to say something like that to her but at the same time, if this didn't happen, he probably wouldn't realize his short comings as a father.

* * *

><p>"Why are you back?" Rosita asked a middle aged woman sitting across the table from her. Her tone was rather cold and judgemental.<p>

"How is she?" The woman replied, ignoring her question. She shifted on her chair as she nervously held her cup of coffee.

"Why do you want to know?" the older woman asked in an accusing tone.

"_Please,_ Rosita just tell me. Lo que necesito saber." _I just want to know, _she begs her face showing the pain that she's been holding on to for a long, long time.

"Santana is a great girl,_ woman. _I am proud to be _her mother_." Rosita replies, the venom in her voice was evident. "Why are you here? Isn't it enough for you that you've ruined my family once? All of a sudden you're back again? What do you want this time?" her voice was stern, almost protective.

"I heard what happened to Antonio. I want her to know the truth."

"What for? You're going to ruin her life. She's happy now and you have no right to barge in and turn her life upside down!" Rosita snapped, her voice raising in volume unintentionally. "Manténgase alejado de ella." _Stay away from her._

"Que me la robaron. Ella es mía." _You stole her from me. She's mine. _The other woman argued, her tone was filled with hurt and regret.

"Elena, usted robó mi marido." _Elena,_ _You stole my husband, _Santana doesn't deserve to know you. Que no tienen derecho a saber sy verdadera madre es una puta." _She doesn't deserve to know that her real mother is a whore. _The words left Rosita's tongue with a bitter taste as she recalls the day she found out her husband was cheating on her with an escort. A tear escaped her eye as she let the harsh memories flood her mind.

"I have never stopped thinking about her. Please, I just want to meet her, just this once." Elena pleaded through her sobs. It was difficult for her to come back to Ohio but twenty one years is a long time to carry something like this on her shoulders. She wants to meet her, just once.

Rosita looked at her with apologizing eyes. Even after twenty one years, the betrayal she felt was still fresh. She wanted to put everything behind her and she thought she has but the past seemed to have caught up. She's always been a forgiving person, but this woman was an exception. "Te lo ruego, déjala en paz." _I beg you, leave her alone._ She utters her last sentence before standing up and leaving the other woman sob in the corner of the coffee shop.

* * *

><p>Santana received a call from her mother shortly after her father went back to sleep. Rosita said she could leave the hospital if she wanted to because the older woman was on her way back. The phone call sounded distant and abrupt so the brunette told her mother she would stay but the older woman insisted that she should go back home to Brittany as it's been a long day. Not one for starting an argument, Santana agreed even though something didn't sit right in her gut.<p>

On the drive home, she kept recalling what happened with her father. She had so many questions; why now; why was he so distant in the first place; she wanted to ask him all those things but his current condition wouldn't allow him to. She was thankful either way for what happened. It felt like such a massive relief, after twenty one years of carrying an emotional baggage like that. All she wanted to do now was tell Brittany about it.

"Britt? I'm back!" she yelled happily as soon as she got into the door.

"I'm in the living room, San!" the blonde replied, sounding pre-occupied.

Santana strutted towards the living room, bouncing on her heels. Today was a good day.

"Britt, baby, I just had the best—_ oh hi." _ She paused, her eyes catching the other woman who was sitting on the couch beside Brittany.

The woman had dark brown wavy hair which cascaded down just past her shoulders. Her eyes were mocha brown, so beautiful but lifeless. She was definitely younger than Rosita, possibly a distant cousin of her mother? Santana smiled at the stranger before her eyes. The woman smiled back, hesitantly.

"San, this is Elena Rodriguez. She said she's your mother's friend." Brittany introduced the older woman with excitement.

"Hi, I'm Santana. It's nice to meet you." She extended her hand as a polite gesture, only to be met by a full blown hug from a woman she has never met before.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you, Santana." Elena sensed how uncomfortable the younger brunette was from her hug so she let Santana go, gently. "I do apologize; I've been waiting for a long time to meet you."

Santana slightly scrunched her eyebrows together. _Weird._ None of her relatives or her parents' friends has been this happy to meet her. "Thank you. I wish I could say the same, except, I've never known about you." She replied in all honesty as she took the seat next to Brittany and gave her girlfriend a peck on the lips.

The older woman was slightly shocked but she wasn't sure if it was due to finding out Santana is gay or that she was just to blunt. "Of course, you wouldn't know about me. I was friends with your parents a long time ago, I've been away for a while." She smiled, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.

"Oh okay, well, it's nice to meet you. I'm sure my mother would love to know you stopped by. She's at the hospital with Papi at the moment." Santana wasn't trying to be rude, but something did not feel right about this woman. She held Brittany's hand tighter, signalling for the blonde to do something.

"Oh San, I totally forgot, we need to go visit my mom! I told her we'd head over as soon as you get back." Brittany obliged, creating a completely believable excuse.

Santana smiled at Brittany with appreciation. "Elena, I'm so sorry. We have to go and see my girlfriend's mother. I'll let my mother know you stopped by and maybe you could come back? I'm sure she'd be glad to know you stopped by." Santana smiled as best as she could. _Who the hell is this woman? She knew pretty much all her parents' friends and never did once they mentioned Elena nor has she seen her in any photographs, old or new._

"It's okay, sweetheart. It was rude of me to drop by without a warning. I'm sure you're mother would love to hear I was around. See you two soon." She replied, abruptly standing up and showing herself the way out.

When the coast was clear Santana let a breath she didn't even know she was holding out. "She's weird, Britt."

"I don't know babe, she kind of looks like you. Maybe she's an aunt or something." Brittany replies, totally oblivious to the weird vibe her girlfriend got. "Let's go visit my mom!"

"Wait, that was true?" Santana asked smirking.

"You don't want to?" the blonde pouted.

"Of course, I do honey. I just thought we'd, you know, get… some… alone… time…" The brunette uttered kissing the blonde's lips in between words as her hand circle her girlfriend's waist.

"You make it hard to say no." Brittany smiled into another kiss, letting her arms circle the shorter woman's neck as she leans in for another kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>Damn, do you guys know what's happening? Does it make sense that Santana's father was always so distant? Please let me know! Thanks :)<strong>


	23. Call In The Reinforcement

**Hey guys so this is another update! I hope you like it. At the moment I'm already trying to think of an ending to the story without rushing everything so suggestions are welcome! I hope you enjoy this one, I'm going to try and update asap but at the moment, I'm drowning in coursework! Anyway you know the drill! please comment and review! THANKS**

* * *

><p>"There's just something so weird about that woman." Santana mouthed against the crook of Brittany's neck. They've been lying on the bed for a couple of hours now, since the brunette was great at getting her ways with the blonde. Even after the exhausting, mind blowing sex she just had, she couldn't shake the strange vibe she got from Elena.<p>

"After all that sex, you're still thinking about her? I thought you wouldn't even be able to remember your name by now, San?" Brittany jokingly said in a huff, as she looked down on her girlfriend to see her deep in thought.

Santana smiled and locked gazes with blue orbs, "Baby," she moved up so that their faces were on the same level, "you were awesome. I'm sorry, if I ruined the moment." she pouted, as she slowly closed the gap between her and Brittany. "Let me make it up to you?"

Brittany smiled, "We can go to my mom's house for dinner?"

Santana rolled her eyes jokingly, "I was thinking of another repayment but I guess it can wait." She kissed her girl again, this time deeper, with more passion. One of her hands rested on the blonde's hips, drawing circles on her hip bones while the other one playfully squeezed her breast.

"_Unf." _Brittany moaned against the kiss, "Baby, we have to see her, please?" the blonde begged against her will. If it were up to her, she's stay in bed all day and night but she also felt bad because her mother would really want to see her. "Let's continue later." She said, giving Santana one last chaste kiss before standing up, her fully naked body being appreciated by the brunette, and heading to the bathroom.

Santana huffed in disappointment but she knew Brittany needed to see her mom, "We better continue this later, B!" she shouted across her room, hoping the blonde can hear her in the en suite.

"Come shower!" Brittany giggled from the bathroom, as Santana bolted from her bed into the shower.

* * *

><p>After stepping out of the shower and dressing up, which took a lot longer than either of them expected, they made their way downstairs. They both went straight to the kitchen after hearing pots and pans clanging around. They figured it was Rosita back from the hospital.<p>

"Hey mami, how are you?" Santana greeted as she walked towards her mom, giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek. Brittany followed behind her to do the same.

Rosita smiled as much as she could. Today wasn't exactly the best of days but she didn't need Santana to know about that. Santana could _never _know about that. "I'm fine mija, just tired. I figured, I'd go home tonight and sleep early. Do you girls want dinner?"

Santana and Brittany both looked at each other with a knowing look. It was one that said, "Santana you answer that question" because as much as the blonde didn't want to upset her girlfriend's mother by turning down dinner she really needed to see her mom too.

"Actually, mami, we're off to see Janet but I could stay here instead and let Britt go?" she didn't mean it to sound like a question but that's how it came out anyway.

"No, no! You girls go see Janet. I'm sure she's missed you both and we can have dinner some other time. I'm quite exhausted anyway, it's been a long day." She happily replied because really, she just wanted to sleep and pretend like her worst nightmare isn't walking around the streets of Lima.

Santana looked sceptical but her mother did look tired.

"We'll have dinner tomorrow Mrs L! Santana and I will cook for you." Brittany offered with a warm smile. The older woman did look like she was about ready to go to bed.

"That sounds wonderful girls. Now, I'm going to excuse myself and head to bed. Say hi to your mom for me Brittany. Buenas noches, hijas." She said giving the two a hug each.

"Oh by the way mami, your friend stopped by." Santana added, it completely slipped her mind.

"Which friend?" the older woman looked puzzled, usually her friends call her before dropping by.

"Elena Rodriguez?" Santana turns to Brittany, "That's her name right, B?"

"Yeah pretty sure it is."

Rosita felt like the blood from her body was drained all at once and a shiver went down her spine. _Puta._ She tried to hide her shock as much as possible; she can't have Santana suspecting anything. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to explain to her child.

"Right, okay. We'll I'll give her a call tomorrow. Thanks for telling me." She turned around quickly trying to hide the fear in her eyes.

* * *

><p>The drive to the Pierce's residence didn't take long at all. They didn't really need the car, they could have just walked. That would have saved some petrol and the environment or something. <em>No shit, she's thinking like Rachel Berry. <em>Santana was glad though, that it took about five minutes because she could see the look on Brittany's face, the one that was ready to ask her what she's been thinking about. So when the car pulled up at Brittany's childhood house, she quickly stepped out of the car to avoid any conversation about her mother's friend. _Seriously, what is bothering her so much about Elena?_

"Janet!" Santana runs up to the front porch, enthusiastically giving the woman who resembled Brittany so much (only older and even more animated) a well deserved hug. "I never thought I'd say this but I've missed you!" Santana joked causing the older blonde to laugh heartily.

"Oh Santana, you cheeky child." She smiled. "Brittany, come give your momma a hug, your girlfriend seems more excited to see me!" she extends her arms towards Brittany who playfully pretends to be all shy as she walks up the stair onto the porch.

"Mommy!" she greets in a child like voice, as she embraces the woman she has looked up to all her life. "I miss you so much." She kissed her on the cheek.

"You girls are looking great! Los Angeles has certainly taken care of my babies! Let's go inside and eat!" she waved both of them while she walked straight back to the kitchen. "You girls make yourselves at home. I sure know you done it before." She says with a double meaning in her tone.

"Mom! Oh my gosh!" Brittany called out, embarrassed and blushing as Santana rolled her eyes.

"Hey Britt, wait." Santana stopped the blonde from following her mom to the kitchen.

"Yeah?" she eyed those brown eyes, full of curiosity.

"You didn't tell her?" Santana asked trying not sound worried or you know anything that will upset the blonde.

Brittany bit her lip. Yeah minor detail, she didn't tell her mom about the accident and her and Santana breaking up. There was no use worrying the older woman, her sister knew everything, but Janet is getting old. The last thing she needs is another stress inducer.

"I'm sorry, San." Brittany apologizes, not entirely sure why.

"Britt, don't apologize to me. Please it was my fault," she took the dancer's hands in hers," I just, I thought you would have at some point. I don't know what my point is here, because she'd probably kick my ass if you told her what happened but, I just, what if," she didn't want to say it—

"What if I didn't make it?" the taller woman asked, carefully.

Santana doesn't like thinking about what could have happened. It hurts to think about it; to imagine that Brittany's gone. She could never ever let herself think about it but it could have happened and how the hell was she going to explain anything to Janet. Brittany never told her anything about their fights and how badly she treated her after Marco's death. It made her curse herself.

"I don't like thinking about it but I wish you would have told her about what was happening. She's your mom and you guys are so close." Santana says, her hands untangled from Brittany's, snaking them to the blonde's waist.

"You were hurting, San, and I guess I didn't want her to have a bad impression of you. She loves us both, you know." She returns the gesture by wrapping her arms around the brunette's neck.

"I don't know if I deserve it. You're so wonderful to me and your mom, she's so awesome. I feel guilty." She explains, trying not to cry because that will be another explanation.

"You deserve us. She loves you, San, and most of all, _I love you._" Brittany ends their conversation with a searing kiss, feeling Santana's heartbeat three times faster than usual.

"I love you too, B." she hums under the kiss.

* * *

><p>Dinner with Janet is always amusing. She's probably the most chilled out parent Santana's ever met. Janet was more like a friend than a mother but at the same time she knew how to discipline her children. It was always something the brunette was envious of. Here, Brittany could talk about everything with her mom without worrying about her over reacting or judging. Santana wished she had that with her parents but alas, her parents were different. Her mother, bless her, has always tried her best to be as open as possible but when you grow up in a strict Catholic environment, being as "open as possible" isn't easy, but she tried.<p>

Santana politely excused herself from the dinner table after the dessert was served. She may have momentarily forgotten that strange encounter with that woman this afternoon but home-made vanilla ice cream could only give a certain high before the unsettled feeling in her gut was back.

There was only one person to call for this kind of emergency.

"So, you decided to call Lespez?" the familiar voice on the other line answered with a playful tone.

Santana smiled to herself, _Oh Quinn. _"Hey Fabgay, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been in touch, just had a lot going on."

"A lot, as in you still haven't left the bed and still making lady babies?" Quinn replied. Santana could practically her smug grin over the phone.

She shook her head. _This is going to be a downer. _"I wish I could say that, Q. We're in Lima." She spoke, trying not to sound too serious.

"Oh shit. S, what happened? Wow, I'm such a jerk!" Quinn apologized hastily.

"No, don't worry Q, just a little family emergency. Papi was rushed to the hospital. He had a stroke." She bit her lip knowing that the hazel eyed woman on the other end of the line would be worrying. That's what's great and not so great about Quinn, she worried about _everything; e_ven more than Santana.

"Oh S, I'm so sorry! God, I should have known something was wrong. I haven't heard from you for a few days. Do you need me to do anything?" she sounded so fucking worried, like Santana wanted to calm her down.

"Hey, don't start guilt tripping yourself, Q. Not your fault I didn't call you. I knew you'd go all Mother Teresa on this" Santana joked, "But there is something you could help me with."

"Sure, what is it?" Quinn asked; her full attention was to her friend at this very moment.

"Well, it might sound weird and random…" Santana explained, she heard a "uh-huh" from Quinn so she continued, "This woman came around to my parents' house today and she said she's friends with my parents but I have never seen her in my life before…"

"S, I hate to break it to you but you don't know all of your parents' friends." Quinn cut her short.

"No, no, listen. So, okay I know my parents have tons of friends but this woman was probably at least ten years younger than my mother. That's weird, like she's too young to be my mom's friend. Anyway, I get this weird vibe from her and she was all super excited to meet me, Q, it was creepy." Santana explained once again. She didn't really know what she wanted Quinn to do.

"Okay, I get that; you met a weird friend of your parents. Where do I come in to this?" honestly Quinn was confused. Santana sounded like she could well be smoking weed from all this chat.

"I want you to run a background check on her." She stated, scrunching her face in anticipation for Quinn's answer.

"You want me to what now?" she sounded incredulous.

"Background check, Q, you've done it before." Santana ought to remind her. During their early years in college, Quinn got into the habit of running a background check on new people she met or her mother's new boyfriends. Safety first, she used to say.

"Yeah, S. It was a hundred years ago besides I've realized how creepy that was." Quinn was still unconvinced at her friend's suggestion.

"Please Quinn. You intern at a law firm now, I'm sure you have more valuable resources to check up on people. Please, I wouldn't push this if it wasn't bothering me a lot." Santana was prepared to beg. She just wanted to know something about that woman.

"Damn, why can't I ever say no to you?" Quinn finally gave in. "What's her name?"

"Elena Rodriguez, I know there are a lot of women with that name—"

"No shit, Sherlock." The blonde woman sarcastically replied.

"But you know you could narrow it down to her association with my parents? I mean they're pretty well known in Ohio right?"

"Santana, just so you know, I'm still sceptical about this whole thing. Why don't you just ask your mom? I mean, this may take a long time." Quinn tried to convince her friend. Not because she didn't want to help her, but because realistically, she's not a private investigator.

"Because, Q, she's stressed as hell and I just don't want to bother her with this. Please."

"Okay, fine. I'll do my best." Quinn finally agreed.

"Thank you, Fabgay! I fucking owe you one!" Santana exclaimed in excitement.

"More than one now, Lespez. Anyway, I have to go; Rachel's waiting for me in the living room."

"Ew, I don't want to know about your sexy times, Q." Santana joked, "Say hi to Berry for me."

"Just because they're better than yours." Quinn retorted, "Send my love to Britt and Janet and your mom. I hope your dad recovers soon."

"Thanks, Q. I really appreciate it." Santana smiled, Quinn really is a great friend.

"Anytime, Lespez." She replied before shortly hanging up.

Santana put her phone back in her pocket, feeling some kind of relief at the conversation. Even though asking Quinn to do a background check on Elena is a little extreme, she felt like there was _something._ Something she needed to know, it's been constantly tickling her brain ever since she met the woman and there's this feeling that she can't quite put her finger on. It's like a storm is coming and she better be prepared to face it.

* * *

><p>So what do you think?<p> 


	24. Calm Before the Storm

**Hey guys! I present you with another chapter! I apologize now and will tell you that this is a pre-confrontation chapter so it's mostly interaction between Santana and her mom. Not much drama just so you can get ready for the next chapter. Little taster if you may. I hope you enjoy it! And please reviews and comments always make my day :)!**

* * *

><p>The week passed quite quickly considering they haven't really been doing much apart from back and forth trips to the hospital, alternating dinner arrangements with Rosita and Janet and going to bed, <em>and all the intricacies that come with that.<em> But still, overall, not a busy week. They were scheduled to fly back to Lima in two days' time and Santana wasn't sure if she could leave her mother in this state but Rosita insisted the girls go back to Los Angeles as soon as possible. Her reasoning made sense, Santana had finals but amidst her mother's words, the brunette was adamant there was something else.

Santana told Brittany about what happened with her father after their meal with Janet. The blonde was genuinely happy for her girlfriend; she couldn't even find the words to express it because she knew how much it meant to Santana. Twenty one years of yearning for her father's affection and it's finally been given to her. Brittany could see the sheer joy reflecting from the brunette's eyes. There were tears of joy that trickled down her cheeks which also caused blue eyes to shed them. Everything was finally falling into place and this seemed like the last piece of the puzzle.

Or so they think.

Santana hasn't heard from Quinn since their phone conversation. She figured her friend would be right in the middle of her background check and didn't really want to disturb her flow. There was no doubt Quinn would be on this case, she's a reliable person, to everyone and especially her closest friends. Still, Santana is an impatient woman. That's her. Nothing is ever going to change that. It also doesn't help that she keeps catching her mother in the middle of aggravated phone calls and whenever she asks the older woman who it was, she'd just change the subject. At first Rosita actually bothered to make up excuses, now she simply shrugs the question off. This bothers Santana like no other and obviously, it hasn't taken Brittany long to notice it too.

"San, is your mom alright?" Brittany asks her girlfriend while they sat around the kitchen table for breakfast.

Rosita is in Antonio's office talking on the phone again. That's what she seems to be doing all the time, if she's not at the hospital. The doctors informed them that Antonio will be released tomorrow but will need personal medical care, so they needed to a hire a stay in nurse. Physical and speech therapy was also going to be vital for this recovery so the hospital scheduled appointments for him. The hospital is basically doing everything so Santana can't really think of anyone who her mother should be having such regular conversations with and it also doesn't explain her unusual behaviour.

"I don't know, Britt. I feel like she's not telling me something. She looks so stressed all the time and I can tell it's not because of my dad." Santana replied, taking a sip from her coffee. Today they're going to check up on Antonio again and explain to him what his recovery plans are going to be.

"Maybe we should stay longer?" Brittany suggested, eyeing the Latina purposely.

Santana smiled at her girlfriend. She always did put Santana first. "Britt, I already told my mom but she keeps insisting we have to go back as soon as possible because we're "missing too much of our lives"." She gestured the air quotes, revealing her opposing reaction to her mother's words. "Besides, you heard the doctor. I think they'll be fine and we'll visit."

"Well, I just hope your mom isn't trying to be strong for everyone. She doesn't have to be, we're here." Brittany reached across the table to rest her hand on top of Santana's, lightly squeezing it for re assurance.

"You're so great, B. I'll talk to her later, okay?" Santana was truly grateful for this woman. Without a doubt, Brittany is keeping her on the right track.

* * *

><p>Her phone rang. It was the phone call she'd been waiting for the past few days. She hoped to God Quinn had something, <em>anything<em>, because she's so sure that her mother is keeping something from her ever since that woman showed up. She just needed to know, badly.

"You got anything, Q?" she answered immediately.

"Hello to you to Santana." Quinn rolled her eyes at the greeting. "Yes and no."

"What the hell does that mean?" Santana impatiently replied on the other end of the line.

"Calm your socks, Lespez. Okay, so I did some digging and turns out your mom's amiga, was an _escolta de class alta." High class escort. _Quinn simply stated.

Santana's eyebrows furrowed, which meant she was in deep thought. _Why the hell would her mother be friends with a high class escort? Not that she looks down on them but Rosita, the most socially conscious woman she knows, would never associate herself with an escort. _"Okay that's weird. Why would my mother be friends with her?"

"S, I wish I could tell you. All I know is that she was working around Ohio way back, just before we were born probably and seems like she moved just outside the state and it says here that she's been living at her current address for almost 21 years. There were a few criminal records but they were minor charges. The woman hasn't been 'working' since." Quinn explained. She really couldn't tell where Santana was going with this information.

"Guess that's good right? You know she changed her lifestyle." That was all the brunette could say. But how in the world did this woman even end up in her parents' circle.

"Sorry, S, that's all I've got. Maybe it's time to let this one go?" Quinn suggested.

A deep sigh escaped from Santana's lips. "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks Quinn, you're still as creepy as ever."

"I'll take that as a compliment on this occasion. I'll see you in two days. Text me your flight details; Rach and I will pick you guys up."

"I will do. Thanks again." She replied in appreciation before hanging the phone up. _Guess this Elena Rodriguez case should rest, she thought while heading back to the living room._

* * *

><p>Santana offered to drive her mother to the hospital this time. It was easier than taking two cars anyway; they only needed one parking space. She also wanted to use this time to talk to her mom because the older woman would not have anywhere else to go. Santana was fully aware that she was cornering her mother but it was the last choice. She needed to talk her properly about maybe staying longer to help with her father's recovery. Brittany decided that she would meet them at the hospital later because she wanted to say bye to her mom just in case she won't be able to see her before they leave. The brunette was quite pleased with her girlfriend's decision, not because she didn't want Brittany to be there when she discussed things with her mom, it's because she knows her mother would be more comfortable talking to her <em>alone.<em>

"So mami, have you thought about my suggestion? You know, staying her longer to help with Papi." Santana started the conversation. She was uncomfortable with the silence that hung inside the car.

The older woman looked exhausted and drained but she forced a smile on her face, "Mija, I told you, we'll be fine. The hospital has already arranged all the help your father needs, all expenses paid. Besides, you know your father wouldn't want you to be behind college work, especially it's your final year." she explained with a soft tone.

Santana let her eyes glance at Rosita momentarily. She didn't want to leave her parents behind especially now that she has reconnected with her father. She felt that it was right for her to be there beside him while he goes through therapy. Brittany said she was willing to put dancing on hold, maybe she only said that because that's what Santana wants to hear. Maybe her mother's right after all. "I just don't want you to go through this all alone. Britt said she's willing to stay with me. I can call my Director of Studies and explain my situation."

"Santana, please, don't worry about us. We've been away from each other a long time. I'm sure we'll be used to it again." Her mother's tone was surprisingly harsh. Even the older woman seemed shocked at what just came out of her mouth.

Santana's eyes widen at her mother's words. She felt like an icicle has been stabbed through her chest. She wanted to say something, she wanted to yell but she kept her mouth shut and her eyes to the road. _Less than two days,_ she thought. There's no need to start a fight.

The rest of the journey to the hospital went by in an uncomfortable silence. Rosita was still in disbelief she actually uttered those words to her daughter who was only trying to help but she had a reason. A reason she couldn't exactly disclose to Santana. Elena is back and the only way to keep her family intact is to send her daughter back to Los Angeles. She didn't know what Elena had in mind when she came back to Lima and Rosita certainly does not want to find out. She lost her husband once but she got him back. Then she lost her son, forever. She thought she lost Santana but now _her_ daughter is back. So she's willing to fight; willing to do whatever the hell it takes to keep the people she loves protected and most of all, she's not going to lose _her daughter._ Santana is hers. This fight is not about whose blood runs through Santana's veins, it's about the sacrifice she's made for her daughter. She could have easily turned her back and sent the crying baby away but she didn't, she loved her with all her heart and therefore, Santana is _hers._

* * *

><p><em><strong>So thank you for reading and I hope to upload the next chapter asap! I'm currently writing it so a little persuasion might help me upload it quicker! It's just so difficult at the moment to juggle uni, work, social life and writing! Anyway<strong>__**, ramble over! Thank you for reading! :)**_


	25. The Lie You've Been Living

**Hello! Back with an update! Usual apologies for taking long, it's been a busy busy few weeks :/! I hope you guys like it and reviews and comments are very appreciated! Any suggestions would be taken into account ;)! Thank you!**

* * *

><p>The rest of the car journey was spent in silence. Neither women wanted to break it; like they say, some things are better left unsaid. Santana felt anger through her veins. It wasn't directly towards her mother per se; it was due to the fact that Rosita is treating her like a child who can't make her own decisions and who is dumb enough to actually believe that <em>nothing <em>is wrong. There's definitely something wrong and Santana wants to find out before leaving in two days.

Once the car was parked, both women exited the vehicle with still no words spoken towards each other. Santana decided to walk faster and get inside the hospital before her mother. Rosita was yet again in the middle of another phone call and the younger brunette couldn't stand listening to something that her mother obviously doesn't trust her with.

It was a routine by now. Enter the hospital, get the elevator to the top floor, sign the visitor's book and proceed to her father's room. She's used to it after a week of being back in Lima. Today though, something caught her eye on the sign in book. _Elena Rodriguez._ The name was written in cursive form, a little messy but still legible. The sign in time says 11.30 and there hasn't been a sign out time. Santana glanced at her watch, 12.10 pm. What the hell is Elena doing here? Visiting her father? This is just completely unusual.

She walked towards her father's room; opening the door without a knock.

"You have to tell her the truth, Antonio! She needs to know who I am! I wan—"Elena paused in the middle of what looked like begging and arguing at the same time.

Both Elena and Antonio turned towards the door. Horrified and guilty looks were plastered all over their faces; Santana even saw a hint of fear in her father's eyes. She's utterly confused as to what this woman was doing here.

"What the hell is happening here?" Santana asked the obvious question, slightly louder than the normal speaking volume. She looked back and forth the two figures in the room.

"Mija, why are you yell—"her mother then enters the scene; freezing on the spot when she realizes there was another visitor in her husband's room; an unwanted visitor. "What the hell are you doing here? I told you to stay away!" she then yelled towards Elena as she shut the door behind her.

"Can someone just tell me what is happening? I'm so confused right now!" Santana pleaded for an explanation from the three older adults in the room but no one seemed to want to answer her question.

Antonio kept the petrified look on his face since he couldn't even really talk properly so Santana understood why he kept silent. The two older women however, seemed to be having a glaring competition; both waiting on who will crack first and talk. Santana glanced towards her mother and she saw the anger in her eyes, something that she hasn't seen all her life. It was terrifying; she looked liked one of those mother lions ready to pounce on whoever tried to steal their cubs but Santana couldn't figure out why that look was in her eyes. Elena looked equally angry; though she appeared to be the one who wanted to take something from Rosita. He eyes kept glancing back at Santana momentarily like she's the prey.

"Qué carajo? Está todo el maldito sordo?" _What the fuck? Are you all deaf;_ Santana yelled. "Mami, tell me."

"Yes, Rosita tell her." Elena nudged on, a smirk playing on her face due to Rosita's uncomfortable reaction. "It's about time the truth came out."

Santana shot the other woman a look that said "Shut the fuck up, I'm not talking to you."

"Please, mami, tell me what this woman is doing here." She pleaded. Seeing as her mother was about to burst into tears, she walked towards the older woman and held her hands. "You can tell me."  
>"Mija, I can't…" her lips quivered as sign of the impending tears, "It's… I just can't mija. "Perdóname." <em>Forgive me.<em>

Santana scrunched her face in confusion. She looked towards Elena waiting for an explanation since she apparently would never get an answer from her own mother.

"Mija…" it was the voice she didn't expect. She glanced at Antonio who was signalling for her to come closer. He had a piece of paper in his hands.

"What is it Papi?" she ventured to his side and took the object he was trying to give her.

"_Your real mother."_

She read the words. Read them over and over as if they were written in a language she couldn't understand. Her eyes started to sting because she still hasn't blinked since first letting her eyes skim the paper. She felt a lump in her throat and heart beat getting faster as her brain tried to process the _three simple words._ She doesn't really know what to do. Should she yell? Should she cry? This is not what she expected, at all. Nothing was really making sense right now. If the other three people were yelling at each other in the background, their noises were muffled. All Santana could hear were her thoughts and her life flashing back before her eyes. She was trying, trying to understand why she didn't figure out earlier. Does that mean she's adopted? They got her from a high class escort with drug problems that couldn't possibly support a child. She felt sick. Her head is spinning…

"Santana can you hear me?" her mother's words finally interrupted her thoughts. Wait, no, Rosita is not her mother.

"Fuck! You lied to me! Both of you." She looked at Antonio and Rosita. "Oh my god, all this time, you lied to me." Her tone was bitter and angry.

"Mija, please, listen—" Rosita begged as tears flowed down her face.

"_Do not _call me that." Santana stated, her eyes turned to Elena, "And you. You think just because I know the truth, I would go and start calling you "Mami"? Fuck you, _puta._ You have no right to come barging back in my life like you deserve to know me. You don't."

Elena looked shocked and hurt but at the same time she understood the young brunette's rage. "Santana, please, just hear—"

"You _do not_ get to say my name. "She pointed her finger at Elena, "You get the fuck out of here. Just get out!"

Elena's tears finally broke free as she walked towards the door. She stopped near Santana and uttered some words barely audible. "I'm sorry; I ever gave you up, Santana. But you don't know the whole story. Listen to Rosita."

"You're not adopted, Santana." Rosita answered the unspoken question is her mind. _Okay now she's even more confused. Her brain feels like it's been ran over by an 18-wheeler._

"I don't want to talk about it." She answered even though she wanted to know. She just doesn't think it will make anything better. What else can take away the shock of finding out the woman you've called "mami" since your life began is not actually your mother?

Antonio spoke the best he could, "Escucha, per favour." _Listen, please._

"Your father is your biological father, Santana." Rosita started, "Our marriage was arranged by your grandparents and so I must admit, it was difficult to begin with. But eventually, I began to learn how to love him and we worked things out. Then Marco was born and everything seemed perfect. I was happy and I thought your father was too. I was wrong. I found out that he has been having an affair with Elena; she was a high class escort who fell in love with your father. I was so hurt mija, I couldn't believe it. Your father insisted that he would break it off with her since it was a taboo in those days for couples to get a divorce. Your grandparents certainly would not be happy and so I agreed to stay with him as long as he ended it with her. Then we found out she gave birth to you, months later."

Santana just stared at her mother's words. She kept looking back to Antonio who looked completely guilty and apologetic.

"She showed up at our house carrying this little bundle of pink blanket; she was a mess. She didn't know how to be a mother. She looked desperate and she wanted money. She begged and begged for your father to take you because she didn't know what she was doing. She was high on drugs. Your father didn't want to take you but I insisted. I saw her then saw this little baby and my heart went out to the little person wrapped in a pink blanket. I begged your father to take you, away from her; away from the bad things in life. I may not be your real mother, Santana, but I sure hell love you like you're my own blood." Rosita finished her story, fighting the tears for as long as she could.

Those words should soothe her current state. She should feel like nothing's changed and that woman—_Elena—_was just a figment of her imagination but alas, that's not how Santana's mind works. She feels anger and betrayal despite her mother's pleading face; it's like her walls have totally been built back up, again. She glanced at her father, his face full of remorse, before looking back at the woman she has grown to know as the one who gave her life. It's an overwhelming realization and she doesn't blame herself from hiding away; from getting her defence mechanism ready; anger. She's been known to deal with difficult situations like these by being an angry bitch and right now she is going to be one.

"You think your little speech will lessen the blow of finding out I'm your husband's illegitimate child from a whore?" she shouted, her words were abrasive, she knows. "I spent my whole fucking life living under his hateful eyes and all this time I thought _I wasn't good enough_ when really, he hated me for being here because I remind him of his stupid fucking mistake. And you, stood there, watched him hate me. You didn't do anything. For all I know I would have probably been better off living with a crack whore as a mother."

Maybe that was too far? No, it's just right. Rosita may now be trembling with sobs but Santana's mind is made up. She is not going to cry over this. Not in front of the people who have lied to her all this time.

"I'm done here." She continued, as she walked towards the door.

"Por favour, mija. Stay." Rosita whispered after her; her sobs still continuing.

"_No." _was all she could say before slamming the door behind her.

/

She dialled Brittany's number on the way to her mother's car. _Shit. _Maybe she should mentally start calling her Rosita now that she's not really her real mother. Fuck, she still has the woman's car. _How is she going to get home? _God damn it. It was hard not to care, that's normal. Of course it's going to take some time to process all this shit out and out of Lima would probably be a better place.

It takes two rings for Brittany to pick up the phone.

"Hey San, what's up?" she chirpily greets and in an instant Santana feels bad for even ringing her girlfriend up.

"I, uhm, "she hasn't realised the tears escaping her eyes. Why does this all have to happen now? No everything's finally falling into place.

"Baby, are you okay?" she hears the worry in the blonde's voice and remembers that she's still on the phone.

"Britt, we need to go back to LA." She replies, ignoring the sting of the tears in her eyes.

"Why? Did something happen? "only silent sobs met her questions. "Santana, what happened? Where are you? I'll come and get you."

"Pa-parking l-lot." She stutters through her reckless sobs. Now she looks pathetic but she's thankful this did not happen earlier on.

"I'm there in five, San. Don't leave. I'm coming." Brittany's voice was laced with concern and it comforted Santana that she has someone to comfort her.

She needs to talk and Brittany is the only person she could talk to; so for now, she waits.

* * *

><p><strong>OH SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN FOR REALS. haha, comments please! :)<strong>


	26. Just Hold Her

_**Hey, so here's an update for you guys! I sure hope you like it! Lots of angst and Brittana love too :)! Hope you enjoy and please comment and review! I appreciate it a lot! helps me in being encouraged to continue writing this story!**_

* * *

><p>She got there in five minutes flat. It was impressive for her because she is the mother of slow driving and she got there in five minutes. It was probably due to the adrenaline rushing through her veins after her girlfriend's phone call. Everything after the call was a blur of goodbyes and explanations with her mother. She didn't have time. Santana <em>needs<em> her. For what reason, she doesn't have a clue but by the sound of Santana's sobs over the phone, it was something serious and Brittany—ever the optimist—hoped that it wasn't.

But Santana never allows herself to cry. It was very rare for the the feisty brunette to break out the water works and Brittany sure knows this. In the years they've known each other; she can probably count the number of times Santana has cried in front of her. Fourteen times in total, if you count her drunken hysterical outbursts. Even when her brother died, Brittany only saw her shed tears once and after that her tears remained sealed and she turned to anger and bitterness as her prime reactions. But that's how she is; she doesn't like crying. She probably should do it more often; Brittany thinks it helps a lot.

Finding Rosita's car wasn't difficult. One it was bright red and flashy; two it was one of the four cars parked in the "Permit Holders" parking area. Brittany parked her car swiftly beside the red coupe. She hurriedly took her seat belt off and made her way out. At a distance, the red car looks empty but now, being less than a metre away, she could hear the sobs before the person sobbing. The windows were tainted black and she knew Santana was probably thankful for that.

Now there's one thing she needs to do before she pull on the door handle. She needs to make sure she's strong enough for both of them, no matter what come out of her girlfriend's lips, because Santana needs her. She needs Brittany to be the anchor that keeps her steady, so she doesn't just sail away. So Brittany takes a deep breath while she ran her fingers through blonde hair.

She pulls on the door handle and it's locked.

_.Tap._

_No answer; just sobs._

_._

"San, honey, it's me. Please just open the door." She spoke as she leaned onto the driver's side window; both hands on the side of her face so she could take a peek inside.

Her heart dropped as soon as she saw the image of Santana's body trembling with sobs on the driver's seat. Her head was resting on the steering wheel; both hands grasping the wheel so tight her knuckles were turning white.

"I need you to open the door babe. Please, talk to me. I can't stand here seeing you like this." She begged, hoping to God Santana would hear her voice through her own sobs.

The door finally opens and Santana tries her best to compose herself by stopping her reckless crying and furiously wiping the tears off her face. She doesn't want to look weak. Not even in front of the only person who _really_ knows her. She doesn't want to have to go into detail and explain what just happened because she's afraid a nervous breakdown might occur. She stands up, straightening her appearance as if nothing happened but the way the tears are still pooling around her eyes it's kind of difficult to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut.

She doesn't need to say anything and Brittany's body is instantly pressed against hers; the blonde's arms encircling her waist as she pulls Santana closer, so close that they should as well be one person. She wanted to tell Brittany that she's fine, she's okay, but the familiar scent comforts her and she knows if she wanted to breakdown and cry, she could do it right here; _in her arms._ So she hugs the taller woman back. She embraces her like she's clinging on to her dear life as she lets her tears overcome her once again. Her body starts to tremble and her knees feel so unstable that she's so certain Brittany was the only reason why she's still standing up.

Brittany doesn't say anything. She doesn't ask Santana what happened because she knows her girlfriend. She'll talk when she's comfortable talking and frankly right now, doesn't seem like the right time to talk. Not when she's practically holding the brunette up and she could feel tears soaking through her shirt. She's so worried about the body shuddering under her embrace and for once, she want to barge into that hospital room and demand for some answers but obviously she knows that would not be a good idea. So she holds Santana in her arms; she doesn't try to soothe her by running her hands up and down her back; she just holds her tight because she's afraid that the brunette might up and leave, not physically but emotionally.

* * *

><p>Brittany drives them back to the Lopez house. Santana insisted she leave her mother's keys at the reception desk because the woman needed to get home later; Brittany offers to do it. She didn't need to hear the question leave the brunette's lips, she saw brown eyes silently begging and it doesn't take long for her to get it.<p>

The car ride is silent. Neither of them wanted to break it because it was strangely comforting and Santana's sobs have reduced to individual tears escaping her eyes. She's calmed down and Brittany gets a sense of relief. Their hands are intertwined on top of the centre console; Santana's grip is gentle but firm like she's making sure Brittany isn't going to leave and the blonde isn't. She's not going anywhere else.

* * *

><p>"You need a drink?" Brittany finally asks as they say around the kitchen island. It was an innocent question but she was maybe hoping to start a conversation.<p>

Santana smiles timidly and nods. She's fiddling with her hands, something she does when she's uneasy and it doesn't go by unnoticed by her girlfriend.

"Can you tell me what happened?" her tone is almost pleading. She just wants to understand what happened. Like she has no clue at all and Santana doesn't just reduce into a ball of weeping fits. It must be something serious.

Santana looks up at her; her eyes red from exhaustion and crying. She opens her mouth to speak but quickly clamps it back down because really, _how do you start_?

"Remember when we were younger and during our sleepovers you would always ask me why my dad was never around?" she starts, not really knowing where she's going with this.

Brittany nods, shuffling her seat closer to Santana so know they're face to face. She reaches out to take her girlfriend's hand in hers, it was instinct.

"And I always told you he's busy at work because he saves lives. I looked up to him so much. He was this real image of a super hero to me." She purses her lips as she recalls those old memories, "Then eventually, we grew older and I started to realize that it wasn't because he was busy at work; he always had time for my brother; it was because he just seemed to avoid me. I didn't really know why and so I thought that it was my fault, you know like I wasn't good enough?" she explained trying to fight the tears that are once again pooling around her eyes.

Brittany smiled sympathetically because she knew about those times. The times when Santana would randomly show up at her house late at night, a sad smile plastered across her face as she held up DVDs and snacks asking the blonde if they could hang out. She knew then Santana had more issues than everyone around them thought. She wasn't a bitch because she's a bad person; she was that way because she felt unloved and Brittany wanted to change that. She wanted to make her best friend feel the most loved person in the world.

"Anyway, I spent most of my adolescent life loathing him for not loving me the way he loved my brother and loathing myself for not being good enough and not deserving to be loved by my own father." Her voice cracks because her vulnerability is off the charts right now, "And my mother, she's great with me but she didn't even try to fight for me, not once. Not even when my father spits out hurtful words in my face."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry you went through that. At least now it's over, right?" Brittany asks completely oblivious to everything that occurred at the hospital.

Santana lets out a sarcastic laugh, "That's the thing Britt; I thought it was finally over then today I just found out something that just fucked up my whole existence."

Brittany furrows her eyebrows in confusion, urging the brunette to elaborate.

"All this time I thought my father hated me because I was a bad daughter but then I just found out that I'm his illegitimate child from a crack whore—_Elena_." She spits it out like it's a bitter joke. "Shocking, huh?"

The blonde remained speechless; her eyes wide in shock. _What can she say?_ She squeezed Santana's hands in sympathy. She could only imagine what her girlfriend is going through.

"Oh San, I'm so sorry." She says because it's proving to be difficult to think of the right words to say. She stands up from her chair and steps towards Santana, enveloping the brunette in a comforting hug. "Babe…"

Santana hugs her back. She doesn't mind that Brittany is having a hard time letting words out; it's totally understandable; she's just so grateful that there is someone here holding her. And it's the most important person in her life.

"I love you so much, San. Don't forget that, okay?" Brittany whispers against her girlfriend's temple, as she plants a kiss.

"Thank you, B. I love you too." She replies, breaking free from the hug as she stands up to face the blonde. "I'm just thankful you're here." She says before leaning in to close the gap between them.

As soon as their lips connect, Brittany knows this kiss isn't about love or lust. It's a kiss full of unspoken gratitude that Santana cannot put into words because it's just impossible to. It's for all the nights they spent snuggling in their beds watching pointless movies; laughing and joking around. It's for all the times they would randomly drive around town in the middle of the night because Santana couldn't sleep and Brittany knew something was wrong so she wanted to cheer her best friend up. It's for Brittany's never failing ability to be patient even when Santana acts completely irrationally. It's for being in her life since she could remember, saving her from all her miseries and even herself sometimes. And lastly, as clichéd as it may be, it's for being her personal ray of sunshine; for being Brittany.

* * *

><p><strong><em>They love each other so much...damn it! Where is the Brittany to my Santana? haha...thanks for reading!<em>**


	27. Skyscrapers

**Hello guys! Back with an update after a week or so :). Nothing much really happens in this chapter, except we get to see more into Santana's mind and we also see her vulnerability! There's a bit of Quinntana friendship, which we all love! I promise the next one will have more Brittana and please help me out with suggestions, prompts etc as it will be easier to write the next chapter! I hope you give me some feedback ;). Anyway, enjoy reading and I hope this chapter makes sense!haha**

* * *

><p>Her fascination with skyscrapers is somewhat random. It started on her first trip to New York when she was six years old. Santana has never seen such tall structures standing from the ground; it was her first time out of the small town of Lima. She stood on top of the Empire State building, her brother on one side and her mother on the other, marvelling at the size of the whole city; how everything seemed to be livelier than the streets of Lima and most of all, she gazed at the tallest skyscrapers on New York City's skyline, <em>the Twin Towers. <em>She remembers asking her brother how they built those buildings out of pure interest, she was too young to comprehend the laws of physics and the intricacy of structural engineering but she w_anted _to know. Marco just shrugged his shoulders at the question.

It's not like she wanted to build buildings as a career. She knows that's not the reason why she was fascinated with skyscrapers. She reckons it's because they build them from nothing at all. She thinks they kind of reflect people in a way. _Her mind has weird analogies._ A skyscraper starts out to be a plot on the ground, nothing more than a space; much like a mother's womb. Then it takes a lot of planning and preparation to even begin the construction of this object —_again, she's aware that pregnancies can sometimes be unplanned, but hear her out__._ It all starts off with the foundations, the thing that will indefinitely define the stability of the whole structure; just like one's parents. Building foundations need to be strong. They need to withstand the whole weight of the building otherwise it won't stand. And it begins. The construction of individual storeys which she thinks of as the memories one creates as they start their journeys in life. All the people you meet, the places you see, the things you do; they all add on to the structure, making it rise from the ground. Sometimes it takes longer to build one storey because there are setbacks. Like the weather isn't cooperating or maybe the budget was short, things like that could be all the problems in life that have prevented you from growing up, and moving on.

But no matter what, the construction will eventually continue again. More storeys will be added, more features. Sometimes last minute changes will be made to make the structure safer or more practical. As the exterior features are being developed, the interior ones are also starting to form into shape; the rooms, the stair cases, the doors, the windows; all the little components that make the building functional. Then after some more time, construction will ultimately slow down until finally you're looking at this magnificent structure standing right before your eyes. Sure, bits and bobs would need to be altered or tweaked now and again, for maintenance or simply to improve it. But it's done, you have a skyscraper in all its glory, standing tall and proud.

Then she remembers clearly her reaction two years after her first trip to New York. She remembers running down to their living room where her mother and father had the News Channel on and the video of the burning towers played repeatedly. She thought she was looking at a ridiculous apocalyptic movie. Even when the video showed the structure slowly crumble to dust; she still thought it was a movie. _Nothing_ like that could happen in real life, surely? Surely, the buildings were designed to withstand e_verything. _

Her parents looked hysterical though. Her mom was calling all of her friends and relatives that lived in New York City or nearby and her father was doing the same too. Marco was at soccer practice so he didn't find out until later on. She was so confused with all her mother's crying and her father's loud telephone conversations. She wanted to ask what was happening but she was smart enough not to meddle with 'adult' stuff.

Then she remembers you can't plan for the unexpected.

Santana feels like the _Twin Towers_ on 9/11. It's probably the most accurate description of her right now. She's the building. She feels the concrete continuously crack after the impact and the joints and connections holding her walls up slowly give way to the severity of the event. Brick by brick, she's falling apart and there's nothing she can do to stop it because she's not equipped to do so. She wasn't designed for this kind of hit. She could feel the steel columns holding her up buckle under the weight of the collapsing building. Inside she's screaming for help, begging for someone to stop her from crumbling to the ground but it's no use. And what's even worse is that her foundations, _her parents,_ are the ones causing this collapse, not the plane, _Elena,_ who hit her. It's the base of everything she's built on that's the problem. Her _foundations_ aren't strong enough, anymore, and so here she is crumbling.

But then she looks at Brittany. She looks at her and everything about her building analogy disappears. Brittany is this gravitational phenomenon that is somehow keeping her from failing, from falling. And Santana can never comprehend how she does it. She just does.

/

She knows it's the reason why she is calmly sitting on the plane back to Los Angeles. Her flight anxiety must have disappeared because right now, she's wrapped up in the blonde's embrace, her head resting in the crook of Brittany's neck. She's running on four hours of sleep but she doesn't mind. She enjoys the feeling of Brittany's chest rising and falling against her. It reminds her that there's still _one thing_ consistent in her life.

She presses a kiss on the base the base of her neck, relishing the feeling of soft porcelain skin under her lips as she cuddles even closer. They still have more than an hour before landing but Santana's okay with that.

The blonde must have been sleepy lightly because she feels the pale arms wrapped around her squeeze gently, like she's acknowledging all of Santana's thoughts.

"Go back to sleep, babe." She whispers against Brittany's neck.

"I was just resting my eyes. I'm awake now, San." Brittany replies, her voice soft and warm.

Santana doesn't argue; she just smiles. As much as she loves being around Brittany when the girl sleeps, she likes it better when they're both up.

"Are you feeling better?" Brittany asks, for the first time since they left the car park.

It's only been almost twenty four hours and somehow her heart doesn't feel as heavy. She knows it's because she's so close to Britt right now and her girlfriend must be soothing her anger by just being there.

"Yeah, I guess I am." She answers not really wanting to elaborate. That can be done another time when she's sure she won't turn the water works on.

"You'll let me know if you're not. Right, San?" Brittany asks. It's not accusatory, it's like she wants Santana to promise she won't check out emotionally when it gets rough.

"Of course Britt, I promise." She answers and as if her body has a mind of its own, she feels her muscles relax even more because now she can sleep knowing Brittany is watching over her.

/

They land at LAX just over an hour later. If it wasn't for Brittany encouraging her to get out of the plane she would have stayed there for as long as she can. She secretly wishes that when she steps out of the plane, everything would just turn out to be a bad dream. That she just had too much to drink and was knocked out for a day so she had extra vivid, long dreams. But it's not.

Stepping out onto the LA evening, she feels the warm breeze welcoming her back to the city she now calls home but it doesn't stop her mind from replaying the scenes in the hospital and it doesn't stop her chest from clenching every time her father's written words flashes before her eyes. It still hurts and that's why she was scared of leaving the plane, because she knows they'll follow her around for a long time.

"Santana! Brittany!" a familiar voice shouts across the street.

Santana snaps out of her day dream and sees Quinn and Rachel walking towards them from the parking lot. She turns to look at Brittany who was already staring at her.

"You don't have to explain everything, San." She reminds her as she feels a gentle squeeze on her hand.

The two figures got closer and Santana immediately notices the worry behind the pair of hazel eyes in front of her. She decides to smile; it was the safest thing to do.

"Hey S." Quinn simply says as she gives the brunette a sincere hug.

"Hi Q." Santana greets mid-hug. She could feel the light squeeze from her friend which means a lot more than a simple "hello" hug.

Brittany called them last night when Santana was busy packing her things furiously. She knew not to go into detail about what happened because even though Quinn and Rachel are their best friends it was Santana's story to tell. Her girlfriend was very vague about their impromptu decision to fly back a day earlier than scheduled. Brittany is really bad at lying, _bless her, _but she tried her best to conceal the truth. Unfortunately Quinn is a human lie detector probably because she's studying to become a lawyer.

Once all of them appropriately greeted each other, they made their way back to Quinn's car. It was a silent ride back to their apartment, just a few rear mirror glances between her and Quinn. She knows her best friend is waiting for some explanation. One she's not sure she could give at this very moment. Even Rachel seemed to tone it down with the usual theatrics. She's not as loud and _dramatic _as she usually is. And that's when Santana knows they're worried.

/

"You guys could come up for a bit if you want?" Brittany offers when the car stops in front of their apartment.

All eyes shoot to Santana who sits quietly at the back, confused at why all of a sudden there are three pairs of eyes looking her way.

"What?" she asks looking at all three of them.

"Britt invited us to go up, you okay with that S?" Quinn asks her eyes screams curiosity. She needs to know what happened back in Lima.

Santana shrugged and forced smile. She's feeling so exhausted from travelling and everything else but hell, she knows her friends would probably not sleep tonight if they didn't know about what happened, so she might just spare them the trouble.

"Yeah, of course, we still have some beer in the fridge." She answers and everyone seems to be fine with that.

They get into their apartment and instantly dump their bags on the living room floor. Brittany and Rachel engage in their own conversation as she makes her way to the fridge to get some beer for her and Quinn. She's almost not surprised when she sees hazel eyes intently looking at her when she turns around. Quinn is leaning on the kitchen island, saying nothing, waiting for Santana to explain.

"Geez, Fabgay, creep much?" she jokes handing the blonde a bottle of beer.

Quinn accepts the bottle without averting her gaze from Santana. "Are you going to give me the low down Lespez? I know something's up and please, save me some time, I don't have the luxury to play this guessing game right now."

Brown eyes playfully roll at Quinn. She likes their relationship. It's never too serious that they want to gouge their eyes out from crying. They have the right amount of caring and thoughtfulness shown in their own mischievous twist.

"Panties in a bunch, Q?" she tries to joke again but this time Quinn's face remains serious.

"Santana, I know something happened. Brittany is a shit liar." She takes a swig from the bottle, "First you ask me to do a background check on someone who happened to be a high class escort and then days later you're on the first flight back to L.A. Doesn't quite add up to me."

Santana sighed. Quinn in all her glory is a motherfucking good ass future lawyer. There's no way she could get away without telling her best friend.

"You're right. Something fucked up happened and now, I just I don't even know what to think about it." She begins then takes a longer swig. She needs this right now.

Quinn waits patiently for her to continue.

"I'll cut straight to the point. Elena was my father's mistress from way back and I'm their illegit—imate child." She almost manages to say it nonchalantly until she chokes at _illegitimate_ and now that lump in her throat is back and she can't quite help the stinging in her eyes.

She's suddenly wrapped in Quinn's embrace and before she realises it, her tears are falling freely. She isn't sobbing which is _better_ but it still surprises her how much she's crying over _this._ She didn't even cry this much during Marco's death but now every time reality hits her, she just welcomes the blow and accepts it. She's crying because she's too tired to fight _feeling something_.

"S, I'm so sorry to hear that." Quinn says because what else can she say? "We're here for you, always, okay?" she rubs Santana's back soothingly.

"I-I know." She gulps, "Thanks, Quinn. Britt, you and Rachel are the only people that make sense in my life right now."

Quinn hugs her tighter because it's the best thing she can offer her best friend right now. She feels for Santana because she knows the feeling of your own parents letting you down. When the foundations give way and you feel so unstable and scared. She knows. But somehow she's happy. She's thankful that Santana is crying because the last time her best friend decided to bottle her feelings up, everything went downhill. That's why at this moment, while holding her best friend up, she knows Santana will be okay because she's finally stopped fighting and let herself _feel._

* * *

><p><em><em>**So the main point is really, Santana isn't trying to keep everything to herself this time around because she's realised that it didn't really do her good before and also she has amazing people around her :)**

**thanks for reading!**


	28. Pillow Queen

**Hey guys! Okay so I'm back with an update and I must say it's longer than previous chapters just because I appreciate that I have been writing short chapters since the beginning. If I have time, I'll stick to this word count and hopefully I can still deliver regular updates. This month is going to be a _busy_ month and I'm just trying to juggle everything!haha..**

**Anyway, back to the story, I decided to fast forward a little bit around a month or so after getting back from Lima so you know things aren't depressing and also, it's probably the typical way of Santana coping but better... There's a lot of insight in her mind, it's actually the first time I've mentioned what she's studying at college etc...There's a lot of interaction between Santana and the people around her! SO ENJOY and hopefully you'll review or comment! I would really appreciate it :)! **

* * *

><p>She groaned pulling her pillow over her head to cover her ears, her eyes tight shut as she battled the war usually known as <em>Monday morning.<em> Monday morning is her nemesis, her Achilles heel. She fucking hates waking up in the morning after two days of blissful existence doing nothing, mostly lounging around their apartment with a certain blue eyed blonde in nothing but their underwear and sometimes just _nothing _on. She thinks it's a joke to give a person two days to think they can be as carefree and relaxed as they can be and then _Monday_ comes barging in through the front door like it fucking owns the place and tells her she needs to face the rest of the freaking world.

And now, it's nearing the end of the semester, she hates it even more. Monday means the start of a week full of writing papers, going to intensely, mind numbingly boring class and sitting for hours in the library which she thinks smells like old rotting wood mixed with everyone else's —_including hers__—_ desperation.

_Another alarm, another groan. _

"Fuck." She mutters under the pillow covering her face. She r_eally _can't be bothered getting up and leaving her bed, especially not when a hot blonde chick is sleeping next to her. She outstretches her right arm to feel the space beside her only to find it empty and cold. _Damn, where is Brittany._

She breathes heavily one last time before pulling the pillow away from her head as she opened her eyes and scanned the room. She's all alone but she can certainly smell the beginnings of a _fry up_ coming from the kitchen and it made her stomach growl. _Fucking sucker for bacon, that's what she is._

She glanced at the clock resting on the bedside table, _7 am. _ Two hours before her first class. At least that's two more hours of spending time with her girlfriend, which kind of makes things better.

She slowly moves her way off the bed, mentally preparing herself about leaving the warmth under the duvet. She walks around the room, picking up a loose hoodie on the floor to cover her naked torso, she's learnt from the past. _If you want an edible breakfast by Ms Pierce, full clothing is essential._

She saunters to the kitchen, subconsciously following the smell of food like a freaking stray dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Her eyes land to the tall legged blonde, who is busy manning the hob, her headphones blasting in her ears as she wiggles her backside to the rhythm. Santana smiles at how goofy and adorable her woman is and then she remembers why she can't help but wake up early on Mondays.

She can't bring herself to go near the blonde and stop her from dancing goofily whilst cooking because she adores this view. She loves their domesticity and the way Brittany makes it exciting, entertaining and lovable. So she just takes a seat around the little kitchen nook and pours herself a cup of coffee whilst enjoying the view.

After a couple minutes, the blond finally turns around, sensing someone was watching her closely. She gives Santana a wide smile as she turns her iPod off and takes her slides her headphones so now they're resting on her neck.

"Hey Sleepyhead, stare much?" she teases, raising an eyebrow at the brunette.

She walks over to the table and sets the plates down. Bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, hash browns, baked beans and toast. As much as Santana was raking in the sight of food in front of her, the _other sight_ clad in short shorts and an undersized t-shirt is much more enticing.

Her stomach apparently disagrees.

"Sorry, babe, I just didn't want to ruin your _flow._" She answers, after taking a sip from her mug.

"You mean you didn't want to ruin _your_ flow." Brittany takes a seat beside her and then gives her a peck on the lips, "Morning…" she smiles, her bright blue eyes so full of life.

"So far it's been a _good morning…_" Santana says when they pull away from each other, "thanks for breakfast, Britt."

"I know how much you hate Monday mornings so I thought bacon would make it better for you." The dancer replies as she starts piling Santana's plate with food.

"_You_ make it better for me." The brunette says, earning a light chuckle from her girlfriend.

"My my, my girlfriend is such a dork."

"I'm your dork baby." Santana hums, earning her another peck on the lips.

/

She leaves their apartment with a Cheshire cat grin plastered all over her face and a bounce with every step she takes. She's convinced she looks like a fucking lunatic but right now, she doesn't really care. Let's just say her breakfast was followed by a nice little _dessert_ involving her naked girlfriend pressed up against the tiles in the shower stall. It was a great way to start her day. Her drive to campus consisted of day-dreaming about long creamy legs wrapped around her waist and dextrous hands roaming her body, kneading her breasts intently. She almost beats a red light and slightly curses herself for being so _distracted_ before then continuing to reminisce her morning.

Arriving in class, she spots an empty seat beside her course mates Tina and Kurt. She waves at them and makes her way to the seat.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" she chirped as she sat down and started taking out some notes and books from her bag.

Two pairs of eyes stare at her like she's on crack or something or like she has shit on her face.

"Are you guys mute or what?" she asks, confused by their lack of answers and weird staring.

"Santana Lopez, did you wake up on the _right _side of the bed?" Kurt asks. Usually the brunette is always in bitch mode for this class.

"You're funny Hummel. What? Can't a girl be happy on a Monday morning?" she enquires.

"A girl can," this time it was Tina who spoke, "but you're Santana Lopez."

Kurt and Tina share a giggle while Santana playfully rolled her eyes at her friends.

"I had a good morning alright. Shoot me if that's a crime." She explains, not really wanting to release details.

"You had shower sex, that's why you have that ridiculous smile plastered all over your pretty face." Kurt teases, making her eyes shoot wide open.

"How did—what the fuck Hummel? You have cameras all over my apartment or what? That's fucking creepy dude." She exclaims, keeping her voice as quiet as possible as the room quickly fills up.

"We know what a "sex face" looks like Lopez." Tina gushes out, giving her a "you're busted" smile.

She smirks and shrugs, "At least I get some."

/

An hour into International Private Law, she feels like stabbing her ears with her pen. She hates her professor and it's a shame because this course is actually really interesting but the guy looks like he's about to keel over and head straight to a nursing home. She thinks he's even older than actual building they're in.

She tries to keep her brain working by writing down any information spilling out of this oldie's mouth. Whether or not her rambled notes will make sense is a question answered during exam week. To say Pre-Law is demanding would be an understatement especially now she's in her last year at UCLA, she needs to start applying for Law School which is so fucking stressful and not to mention expensive. Her _parents,_ well her father and Rosita, insisted they pay for Law School too and even though she argued against it because God knows she's still not okay with both of them, she woke up one morning gawking at how many extra zeros her bank balance gained. She called them to a_rgue_ even more, she knew Brittany was shaking her head behind her, but they didn't want the money back. They like locked it onto her account or something sneaky like that. Of course, they would be sneaky.

She doesn't want to be an ungrateful bitch and all but Santana Lopez holds grudges, although really, deep in her heart of hearts which only the blue eyed blonde has access to, she's thankful for the help. But obviously, she won't be starting singing songs about it soon. Anyway, she has to get past undergrad school before any plans of moving to New Haven can be made.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a quiet buzz from her pocket. She pulled out her phone to see the message.

_This morning was awesome. I can't wait to see you at home and hear about the new laws you've learnt. Love you geek. _

She grins at her phone. Weirdly enough, Brittany seems to be really fascinated by things to do with Law. She makes Santana explain all the different jurisdictions and what not and without a fail, it always ends up with the blonde straddling her on the couch and giving her a good lesson back.

_Well, if it ends like it usually does, I'll recite all of the things I've learnt this semester. Love you baby._

If a normal person can see their conversation they would probably gag in disgust at how fucking adorable they are. Santana doesn't really care.

_Especially if you do it in your black lacy lingerie._

She almost chokes on her own saliva at the sight of the next text. There is familiar feeling forming in the pit of her stomach; shooting between her legs.

_Well what are you going to wear?_

She feels like a hormonal teenage for starting to sext her girlfriend in the middle of class but hey, this guy is as interesting as a blank piece of paper and she was not about to pass on at this opportunity.

_You can find out when you get home…_

Santana rolls her eyes because it's typical Britt to do more teasing than pleasing when they sext. It's not actually like that in real life. Britt never fails to please and good Lord, why does she still have to endure another six painful hour at campus when she can be at home doing unthinkable things to her girlfriend and _fuck_, maybe she should stop thinking about it.

_I kind of hate you right now, Tease._

Less than 10 seconds later, a reply comes through.

_Your words aren't probably the only thing you're going to eat later… or actually, I might do the eating._

She mentally calms herself down after reading the text because how can Brittany look so innocent and be so mischievous when she wants to be. This girl is her Kryptonite.

Just before she could type out a reply, the whole class started clapping at the lecture because apparently it was the last one of the semester—_about time for this man to retire_— so she puts her phone back in her pocket and joins in with the applause, for the wrong reasons but no one has to know.

/

At lunch, Quinn drove by her campus to pick her up so they could go somewhere decent and catch up. It's been a week since she last saw her best friend and that didn't even really count because when Berry is present, they never get the chance to really talk because her best friend's girl yaps enough for everyone in the world.

She's actually glad that Quinn decided to have lunch because she misses alone time with the hazel eyed woman. Their minds work similarly, hence both of them pursuing a career in Law, and it's just nice to talk to someone who understands. It's not like Brittany doesn't understand but the thing is, her blue eyed blonde is the kindest soul in existence and she simply can't hold a grudge, unlike Santana who has a PhD in that topic. She appreciates that Brittany doesn't like falling out with people which is why she's been convincing the brunette to talk to her parents again and just understand their point of view. Brittany is level headed.

Quinn on the other hand knows how it feels like to be failed by your own parents, which is why Santana also appreciates her best friend's opinions. Talking to Quinn feels like she's talking to herself without feeling like she's a mental case. It's still different when you're hearing the words come out of another person's mouth.

This is why she almost choked on her food when she heard the words tumble out of the hazel eyed woman's mouth.

"I'm serious S; I think you should make amends with them." Quinn repeats after she saw the incredulous look on her best friend's face.

"I heard you the first time Fabgay…" she answers with slight annoyance, "Why the sudden change of heart? Last week you and I were pretty much on the same page and just because they gave me money for Law School doesn't mean I'm back to being their mija."

Quinn's eyes widened in surprise, "Holy shit, they gave you money for Law School?"

"You didn't know?" Santana was sure she'd told Quinn.

"Do I look like I knew smarty pants?" Quinn glared at her, "Now you definitely have to make amends. Look S, I understand you feel betrayed, cheated and angry…"

"Damn right I do." She angrily takes a mouthful of pasta.

"But look, your parents seem to be really apologetic. We both know Rosita loves you like her own blood San. And your dad, he took a while but now he's saying sorry. At least they're acknowledging their mistakes. That's the difference between you and I; my parents don't even send me a birthday card and here you are already sorted for Law School. I'm not saying forgive them because they gave you money, I'm saying they really love you, S." she explained and it just fucking annoyed me that she has a point.

Now her girlfriend and best friend are on the same page and she bets my limbs Rachel is too. Fuck, can't a girl just have someone to agree with her? She guesses not because they are not Santana Lopez. They're not as angry and fucking guarded as she is.

"Look Q, I appreciate your opinion and damn you and Britt must be spending a lot of time together because that's exactly what she told me. I'm trying not to be angry. It's just going to take some time." She calmly replied. She can be rational too, when she wants to be.

"Of course S, I know you. You're stubborn but I know eventually you'd figure it out. I'm just telling you what I think." She takes a drink from her glass, "Btw, we're going to Vegas this weekend so pack your bags, it's going to be awesome!"

She gave her a sceptical look, "What makes you think we're going to join you and your gnome?"

She smacked the tanned arm playfully. "Because _your_ woman already agreed to it and we all know how whipped you are."

"Coming from the same woman who wore a matching reindeer knitted cardigan for Christmas." she shoots back, two can play this game.

"Not my fault I actually like to please my girlfriend." She argued.

"Well I guess you have to make up for the things you can't please her in." she replied and chortled at her own joke.

"Fuck you, Lespez." Quinn feigned annoyance as she returned her attention back to her food.

"Lucy Quinn Fabgay, the "Comeback Queen"." Santana was on a roll.

Quinn really can't be annoyed at her friend because she's just glad Santana isn't sulking around her apartment. The brown eyed woman is actually laughing and Quinn's glad about that.

"I'll let you slide this time_, Pillow Queen_. But Vegas it is this weekend."

Santana almost chocked at the mention of "Pillow Queen". She really should tell Britt not to talk about single _every_ detail of their sex life especially to Rachel.

/

The rest of the afternoon was vaguely interesting. She had two tutorials and another two lectures none of which really made her jump up and down. Sometimes she wonders why she even took Pre-Law. The number of times she complains about it is even starting to annoy her. But then she thinks it's probably the best degree for her. She's a wimp when it comes to blood and nasty injuries which is why Medicine was s_o_ not on her list. Her maths and physics skills were decent but she'd be damned if someone saw her rocking up in a protective head gear or lab glasses and safety boots. She really has no patience to be a teacher so that was out of the window. She's good at arguments, standing her ground and justice. She likes the sophistication of being in a suit, sitting in an office overlooking the city etc. So really, Law seemed perfect on paper.

It was only recently that she figured out why she _really_ wanted to be a lawyer. Marco. She looked up to him when they were younger, he was her role model and when Marco left Lima to go to Columbia as an undergrad, she made a mental note to herself, _she wants to be just like him._ Of course he was so much more passionate about it than Santana is now, but after his death, she promised herself that even if she can be half as good as him, that will make her happy.

So yeah, she's going to do her best to fulfil that dream.

/

"Britt, I'm home!" She shouts as soon as she steps into their apartment.

She drops her bag on the floor and tossed her keys on the hallway console table before ridding herself of the light jacket and placing it on the coat rack. She didn't get an answer so she figured the blonde must be out for a run or maybe she was practicing at the studio.

She made her way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge before making herself comfortable on the couch. She's kind of disappointed her girlfriend isn't back yet since she's been thinking about her _all_ day. Like non-stop. Even during her lunch date with Quinn, she sent Brittany an explicit text and she's been looking forward to going home since she left this morning. But alas, Santana doesn't want to come across clingy and perhaps her girlfriend actually has some important things to deal with. So she'll watch TV and wait.

A few minutes into her favourite reality TV show, her phone buzzes in her pocket so she whips it out figuring it must be from Brittany and she's right.

_Hey baby, sorry I got held up at the studio. I'll be home as soon as possible! Love you x_

She smiles and taps out a reply.

_It's okay babe though I must admit I was really looking forward to coming home to see you x_

Less than a minute later another text comes through.

_Well if you want to see me now, you can pop by the studio? I actually forgot my iPod in the bedroom and we need it because the playlist I choreographed is in it x_

She shakes her head. Oh Brittany, always the forgetful soul.

_You know I can't say no to you right? Okay, I'll go grab it and be there in 10 x_

She sets her phone on the table and walks to their bedroom. She figured she could just wait until the dancer is finished in the studio so they can go home together. It's not like she's totally whipped or anything. Oh who is she kidding; she's fucking _whipped and leashed._

She swings the bedroom door open and almost has a mother freaking heart attack.

"Hey _San_…" the blonde greets seductively.

Brittany has been in their apartment this whole time! And now Santana is staring at the unbelievably striking sight in front of her clad in a tight button-up shirt with the top three buttons purposely left undone to reveal mouth watering cleavage covered by a _new_ pair of what seems like black and white lace lingerie. She had knee high black tights and her favourite black Louboutin heels. A loose tie is hanging around her neck and her blonde wavy hair is cascading down her shoulders; _hot damn._

Santana gulped several times whilst blinking to make sure she wasn't hallucinating or something like. Is she sure that bottle of water wasn't actually spiked because wow, she was totally _not_ expecting this surprise and Brittany is such a sneaky little sexy thing.

"Damn, Britt…" she lets her eyes roam the long legged blonde sitting at the foot of the bed, legs crossed sophisticatedly… "Just _wow."_

Brittany lets out a light laugh at her girlfriend's reaction. Santana is _so_ easy to read. "Like what you see?" she asks an obvious rhetorical question.

The ogling mess that _is _Santana Lopez nods profusely instead of actually saying words like a simple _yes._ She seems to have lost her cognitive functions somewhere between the door and the spot where she remained planted on her feet.

"You need to learn how to speak and move, San." Brittany jokes because she really thinks it's funny that her girlfriend has been reduced to a mute mess. It's like she's forgotten how u_nderhanded_ Brittany can be when she wants to.

Figuring that Santana needs some help in the 'moving' department, she abandons her place on the bed and walks towards the brunette. She stops _just_ inches away from the brown eyed woman as she takes in Santana's beauty. It's endearing to see her so enamoured by Brittany's little surprise. She let hands rest on the shorter woman's waist as she pulls her closer until she could feel Santana's heart pounding against her chest.

She smiles, "Hey."

Santana bites her lip tentatively and smiles back, "Hi."

No other words need to be said as Brittany closes the gap that's been separating their lips apart. The kiss is far from rushed. It was slow yet fiery; Brittany swipes her tongue against Santana's bottom lip and the brunette grants her permission. Their tongues danced in a slow sweet rhythm; each stroke was deliberate yet effortless. They've been doing this for a long time but this dance never fails to send shivers down their spine. It's an electrifying connection that Santana and Brittany will never get enough of.

Santana wraps her arms around the blonde's neck, pulling her closer so she can deepen the kiss. She kisses Brittany like they haven't kissed this morning, like they've been apart for a lifetime and she's trying to make up for it. She will never get enough of that sweet honey taste and the way Brittany hums into the kiss, sending vibrations down her throat.

They pull away to catch their breaths, Brittany tugged on the brunette's lower lips, sucking it gently before releasing. She smiles at Santana's dishevelled appearance, swollen lips and messy hair, her t-shirt has ridden up in the heat of their kiss.

"You're sneaky little thing." Santana pants as she tries to catch her breath and convince herself that she is not going crazy. _This is legit happening._

"I thought you could use a little surprise, since I know how much you've been worked up about other things." Brittany explains, a devilish smirk still written all over her face.

"Damn right, I do." The brunette regains composure and confidence, her brain has simply caught up to the situation and she's damn well going to take full advantage of it.

Her signature smirk finds its way on her lips as she steps towards Brittany who _unintentionally _runs her tongue across her upper lip and once again closes the gap between them this time with more force and hunger. She unbuttons the dancer's shirt in the process, slides it down toned arms and onto the floor. She pulls the tie apart and lets it join the other item of clothing.

Santana doesn't waste time as she deepens the kiss, pulling the taller woman closer, her hands slide from Brittany's hips to her ass and just a little lower. She gently squeezes the back of her girlfriend's thighs and grips them to hoist the blonde on to her hips earning a surprised squeal from the blue eyed woman. She carries them towards the bed, never breaking the kiss, as long toned legs lock around her waist and porcelain arms do the same around her neck.

When her knees hit the foot of the bed, she lowers Brittany down gently, her palms splayed across the blonde's back. They move in unison as they scoot up the bed, nimble fingers sliding down Santana's back until they reach the hem of the t-shirt. Santana pulls away, allowing Brittany to lift her t-shirt up swiftly above her head where it landed on somewhere on the floor. She reaches behind the blonde to unclasp her bra and ceremoniously throws it across the room. They smile at each other giddily just like those times in high school when they would cut class to spend the afternoon tangled up in each other.

"You're perfect Britt…" the brunette says before she returns back down on top the blonde's lips.

Their kissing intensifies whimpers and moans coming from both of them as Santana grinds her pelvis against Brittany, earning a throaty moan from the blonde. They've done this countless times and still it never fails to turn both of them on. Something so effortless and basic and yet they both feel like they're floating on cloud nine.

Santana leaves Brittany's lips only to move her kisses lower; on the underside of her jaw, making Brittany tilts her head to the side to give her girlfriend more access as the plump lips moves down her neck, trailing wet kisses and occasionally leaving a mark which she _fucking_ loves. The nipping pain only intensifies the burning knot in the pit of her stomach.

The brunette kisses the porcelain skin delicately, enjoying the vanilla tinge that is always Brittany's. She peppers kisses all the way down the valley of the dancer's breasts and then moves her way back up to a nipple to give it the attention it deserves. Her tongue swirls around it before she tenderly sucks driving Brittany to ecstasy.

The blonde's hands tangle in soft dark hair as she pushes Santana's head lightly, urging her to continue. "Hmm…_San…"_

Santana smiles into her girlfriend's skin as she moves onto the other nipple, repeating her pervious actions. After a while Brittany tugs on the brunette's hair, signalling her to move back up. The caramel skinned beauty obliges as she returns to kissing her girlfriend. Dexterous fingers work the clasp of Santana's bra and in a flash it joined the other items of clothing on the floor.

"You're still inappropriately dressed, baby." Brittany cooed as she pulls away, looking down at the brunette's lower half which was still clad in jeans.

Santana jumps off the bed and hastily takes of her jeans with as much grace as she can muster. She reclaims her position kneeling down between the blonde's legs as she lets her palms roam the expanse of her girlfriend's thighs.

"Happy?" she asks, raising her eyebrow knowingly.

Brittany smiles at her sweetly; sitting up, wrapping her arms around toned midriff, her fingers tracing indecipherable letters on the small of Santana's back.

"I can deal with _that_…" she declares before flipping them over much to Santana's surprise.

"Britt!" she exclaims, feigning annoyance at the change of position.

"Don't complain, _Pillow Queen."_ Brittany teases as she gives her a wink.

She earns an amused expression from the brunette underneath her. "I just play fair, Ms Pierce."

Brittany laughs lightly, "Well then_, let's keep playing_." She replies; hooking her thumbs on Santana's boy shorts as she slides them all the way down her legs, never breaking their interlocked gazes.

The blonde kisses her way up tanned legs excruciatingly slow, earning a few impatient grunts from Santana who has never really been good at waiting. As much as Brittany wants to just delve straight to her destination, _literally,_ seeing the brunette squirm like this is so goddamn adorable. She licks the insides of Santana's thighs, deliberately missing the spot where her girlfriend is throbbing, only to earn a few more curse words in Spanish. _God, she's so sexy._

Santana is pretty much having a fit under her girlfriend's mercy. She fucking hates it when Brittany teases but at the same time she loves it so freaking much too. _Damn_. She's so embarrassingly ready it's not even funny and Brittany is taking her sweet ass time.

"_Ready?" _

It's funny how Brittany asks it like they're running a race or something and other people find it off putting but she knows how fucking ready she is. She frantically nods her head and she doesn't even care how fucking desperate she looks because it's Brittany. She's always desperate to feel her, to touch her, to share everything with her. So when the blonde disappears between her legs and she feels the velvety friction where she _really_ needs it, as smile creeps on her face because _this _is why she loves Mondays (and every single day with Brittany).

* * *

><p><strong>Please don't shoot me! I know I could have written a lot more but you know...haha.<strong>

**Anyway, let me know what you think!**


	29. Viva Las Vegas

**Hello! I'm back with an update because I've been procrastinating with revision and I thought that I'd use the time to write a chapter up! Anyway, I'm aware that I'm kind of putting the whole Santana's parents thing behind at the moment because I don't want to make it super angsty at the moment, I mean she's doing really well and she's happy but don't fret I will address it again soon. I just need to figure out what I want to do before I can bring it up fully again. So it's the Vegas weekend and it's going to be filled with adventures! This chapter is not necessarily filled with them, it's kind of the build up to it and it's super fluffy but who doesn't like Brittana fluff? Faberry is present so expect Quinntana broship and Pezberry 'love-hate' friendship! Anyway, I hope you like it and please comment and review if you want to see something specific next chapter! Prompt me ;)!**

* * *

><p>"Britt, I'm not so sure this is a good idea."<p>

Santana grumbles for the hundredth time now as she carelessly tosses another piece of clothing on to the bed where her girlfriend is trying to pack neatly. Friday night came faster than Santana could even say _foreplay_ and now, here she is grouchily picking out items of clothing from her side of the closet while Brittany amused herself with folding all the clothes the brunette kept chucking at the bed.

"San, for someone who _doesn't_ want to go; you're packing an awful lot of stuff. Not to mention your expensive heels." Brittany lets out an amused chuckle as she watches her girlfriend _pretend_ to be unexcited about this Vegas trip with their best friends.

By now, Brittany's already accustomed to her girlfriend's stubbornness and grumpy façade but she knows better than what the brunette is showing. Santana packing her best dresses and heels just screams 'Vegas, I'm ready for you!' but Brittany knows that won't come out until they are checked in to a swanky hotel suite and partying like it's1999. Santana has been doing well despite the fall out with her parents but the blonde knows her girlfriend is still a bummed out about the whole thing and with finals coming up soon, Santana needs to let lose a little before she burns out.

The familiar eye rolling made its way on to the Santana's features as she remained adamant to convince the dancer that Vegas isn't a good move. "B, all my heels are expensive. You know that. Besides I know I don't have a choice with Berry and Fabgay breathing down my throat."

Brittany stood up and walked towards the shorter woman. Her arms instinctively enveloped slim waist as she rests her chin on smooth caramel shoulders. "It's not going to be that bad, San. I promise we'll have fun."

Santana couldn't help but smile as she felt soft lips on her neck. "_See_,I have no say in the matter. You're totally using your sweet lady kisses to get me on board." She jokes, letting the dress she was holding go as she spun around to meet vibrant blue eyes.

"I'm prepared to use _all_ of my ammunition." The blonde husks into her ear and she felt her body shiver at the lowness of Brittany's tone.

"Not. Cool. "She bites her lip in mock anger.

"You love it baby." Skilful hands slide down her hips to playfully grip her ass.

Santana accidentally lets out a moan which causes Brittany to smirk like she's won the whole fucking argument.

"Hate you." The brunette mutters before she closed the gap that was lingering between them as her hands find their way down the blonde's toned legs and yanks the dancer up and carries her towards the bed, effectively messing up the folded clothes.

Brittany shrieks at her girlfriend's sudden power. She really shouldn't be after all the years they've been doing this but Santana's petite appearance is always deceiving. The woman is ripped and strong.

"Babe, the clothes." She says in between kisses as soon as her back hits the mattress.

Santana laughs mischievously. "I'm about to give you multiple orgasms and you're thinking about the clothes? Really Britt?" she doesn't wait for an answer and continued nipping and sucking the expanse of the blonde's neck.

Brittany couldn't get any words out because her girlfriend has already started kissing the spot behind her ear where she 'activates' all the blonde's senses. "San…"

The brunette smirks against porcelain skin as she hears _that_ tone in Brittany's voice. The tone that says she's not going to be packing any time soon. "Yeah, baby?" she manages to tear her lips away from the dancer's skin.

"Fuck the clothes." Brittany says; her tone thick with desire.

Santana lets out a low laugh against Brittany's neck, sending vibrations all over the dancer's body.

"Yeah, fuck the clothes." She says as nimble hands work their way behind Brittany's back to unclasp her bra is a flash.

They still have tomorrow morning to pack. That's _totally_ doable.

* * *

><p><em>Beep. Beep. Beep.<em>

The incessant ringing of her phone on the bed side table woke her up from her deep slumber. She doesn't remember setting an alarm because, well, that was the last thing on her mind when a certain blonde haired, blue eyed woman was working her magic. Her eyes slowly open, adjusting to the sunlight coming through the blinds as she grabbed her phone, careful not to make any sudden movements that could cause the warm body spooning her from behind to wake up.

She rolls her eyes at the caller ID flashing on her screen. _Five missed calls and "Man Hands Berry"_ was plastered across her screen. She lets out a sigh before answering the call.

"Yes, Berry?" she croaked, her throat dry from, well, _screaming._

"Good morning to you to Santana," Rachel greeted as if she expected the other brunette's greeting to be as friendly as a scarecrow, "I just want to remind you that we leave in two hours."

Brown orbs shot open, "Two hours?" she exclaimed, last time she saw the clock it was 8 am, "what the fuck? I thought our flight was at 1 pm?" she hissed down the phone, feeling the blonde shift against her a little bit.

"Didn't you get Quinn's text last night?" Rachel asked inquisitively, "she got us a business class upgrade on the earlier flight."

Santana rolled her eyes again. _Of course_, Quinn would upgrade to fucking business class at the last minute. It's so like her to do that. "Well, uhm, I was preoccupied." She lets a smile tug on her lips while she glanced back at Brittany peacefully sleeping.

She heard a familiar snort in the background; one that could only be from Quinn.

"And by preoccupied she means, getting her mack on, _all night." _Her best friend shouts probably from across the room.

"Berry, why am I on speaker?" she asks, slightly annoyed, "And oh, at least my idea of sexy times is actually giving my girlfriend pleasure and not knitting each other reindeer cardigans."

She snickers at her own joke whilst hearing some argumentative points from Quinn.

"Anyway, Santana, I'm glad you and Brittany are having _fun_. Just please be ready by 10 am. We'll pick you up on the way." Rachel interjected, her tone sounded a bit uncomfortable with all the sex talk.

"Alright, Berry, don't get your panties in bunch. I'm not so sure Quinn can sort that out." She retorts and then chuckles at the annoyed comebacks from her best friend and hangs up without waiting for Quinn so get to the phone.

"You're mean." A soft croaky voice vibrated against Santana's skin.

"Oh, and you're up." The brunette turns her body around so now she's snuggled against the blonde's bare chest. "Babe, we have less than two hours to get ready."

"And whose fault is that?" Brittany asks as a smile quirking on her lips.

"No need to play the blame game." Santana says as she plants a kiss on the blonde's collar bone. "Plus, if I remember correctly, you asked for over time." She giggles, tangling their legs together.

"You could have said no…"

"Like that's ever an option. It's like saying no to oxygen in a world where it's scarce."

"You are such a dork!" Brittany laughs at her girlfriend's cheesy statement.

"_Your_ dork." The shorter woman says with so much conviction.

"_My one and only dork."_

* * *

><p>Turns out it is fucking stressful to pack and get ready in the space of less than two hours. Santana fucking hates running around thinking about the stuff she needs to bring whilst making sure her clothes are on the right way. Santana Lopez doesn't do impromptu packing. She doesn't do impromptu <em>anything<em>. She likes lists and being organized and fuck she's freaking out and why are they leaving soon? _Ugh._

She's half walking, half skipping around their apartment to gather all the things she needs. _Laptop, laptop charger, phone, phone charger, keys, purse, passport; _her mind is going through the list and checking them off as she goes. She's only managed to put on her jeans and bras; so she's pretty much running around their place half naked. Gosh, why must travelling be so stressful? Oh because Berry's on board. Okay, she totally knows that _this_ is her fault but the blame game sounds so much better.

"I hope you're planning to put a shirt on babe." An amused voice greets her as she steps back into their room.

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion and Brittany just points at her torso.

"Oh, yeah, I haven't forgotten that." She replies, carrying the stuff towards the bed.

An appreciative smile creeps across her lips as she notices their suitcase neatly organized; one side is hers and the other is Brittany's. There was a piece of paper on top listing everything they need and most of them were crossed out, implying that they were already in the suitcase. _Oh Brittany._ Bless her and her calm nature to deal with things while Santana panics all over the place and loses her shit.

"I love you." Santana says out of the blue because good lord, this woman is amazing. She knows Santana so well, even better than the brunette herself.

Brittany lets out an airy laugh, "You love me because I packed your clothes?"

Santana shakes her head and steps towards Brittany, who is sitting on the edge of the bed. She wedges herself between the blonde's legs and looks at her with so much adoration.

"No, I love you because you're you."

They both smile before their lips touch. Maybe this weekend isn't going to be so bad.

* * *

><p>By the time they get out of their apartment, a <em>few<em> "missed" calls from Rachel later, they were already half an hour behind schedule and it was evident from the way two pairs of irritated eyes snap up as they both approached the car, hand in hand, half running and dragging the big ass suitcase they have.

Brittany shoots her a glance filled with worry because they both know how important punctuality is to Rachel and Quinn; well, Rachel really. Quinn is just a whipped ass lady lover. Santana gives them a mock salute as her greeting as she walked towards the boot to put their luggage in while Brittany went straight in and took the backseat behind Rachel. Santana followed shortly, already prepared for the berating lined up for them, probably mostly her.

"Glad you decided to come this century Lespez." Quinn says, shaking her head in sarcasm as she starts the car's engine.

"First time someone came for you Q?" she shot back earning a chuckle from the blue eyed blonde and a gaped mouth Rachel Berry. "Oh, come on. I'm just kidding. You gays really need to chill the fuck out. We're going to make it in time for our flight."

"Well, Santana and Brittany, we just really appreciate it if you would have given us some 'warning' about your delay. It was rather worrying, being half an hour late is not good enough." Rachel explained as Quinn nodded her head in agreement. _What an old married couple. _

"Berry calm your ti—"

"We're really sorry guys. It's really my fault, you know San doesn't like being unorganized when we travel so it's really just me. I distracted her." Brittany claims. It wasn't _exactly_ lying but she figured there was no point for a petty little disagreement when they will all get on just fine later.

"That's alright Britt, no worries." Quinn replied, giving the taller blonde a smile.

Santana rolls her eyes playfully. "Why does Britt not get the whole cold treatment?" she demands, a little mockery present in her tone.

"Well, probably because we like her better than you Sandbags." Quinn jokes and the tension in the car evaporated as the three other passengers, bar Santana, chuckled at the joke.

"I'll let this one slide, Fabgay."

* * *

><p>Well thank goodness for the free bar courtesy of the free business class upgrade because Santana was able to actually enjoy the flight. Brittany spent most of the time talking to Rachel because they haven't seen each other in a while and "catching up" was essential to their friendship and also the fact that Berry yaps on and on has something to do with why Santana decided to keep the Mojitos pouring.<p>

She would have talked to Quinn if her best friend wasn't on the opposite side of the row and was not drowning in her own drool. Seriously, Quinn on a plane is like Quinn on general anaesthesia. She just dozes off as soon as the aircraft loses contact with the tarmac. They once travelled to Thailand that summer in high school when she and Brittany wanted to figure out things on their own (it was after losing Nationals in New York). Santana convinced the other blonde to pack her things and head somewhere "far away from this drama", her own words, to spend some time figuring things out. The first thing she found out was that it was the most mind numbingly boring flight she's ever been on, in her life. Quinn slept for most of the time. Eighteen excruciatingly slow hours. Anyway, the rest of the trip was exciting so she's forgiven Quinn for drooling all over her shirt.

As soon as the plane landed she was ready to get out of the confined space and on to the swanky hotel Quinn booked. She doesn't exactly know what hotel they'll be staying at but knowing Quinn, it's probably nothing less than stellar.

"Are you okay? You seem quiet?" Brittany asked as she intertwined her hands together.

She smiled, planting a soft quick peck on the blonde's lips. "I think Mojitos are my new best friend." She jokes earning a slight shake of the head from her girlfriend.

"O-oh, better not be hysterical weepy drunk Aunty Snix." She replies, receiving a feigned angry reaction from the brunette.

"Hmm, I don't think I can say the same to Ms Brittany 'Stripper Drunk' Pierce. I _really_ like her." Santana whispers huskily into the blonde's ear.

"I'll see if we can get her to make a special appearance." Brittany replies, planting a kiss behind the shorter woman's ear.

"There are children in this plane." The voice which obviously belonged to Rachel interrupted their moment.

Santana shoots her an annoyed look, "Yes Berry. You should run along find your mommy."

"San, be nice."

"I am nice."

Brittany raises one of her eyebrows and gives her the 'don't be sarcastic with me' look.

"Okay I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm just kidding."

*_Whaaaatttt-asshhhh*_ the sound came from behind her and she turns around to see her best friend making whipping noises and actions.

This is going to be an _awesome_ weekend.

* * *

><p>If she has to give Quinn something, it'll be that her best friend has an impeccable taste in hotels. Without a fail the hazel eyed woman seems to get the best places every time they stay somewhere. This time her best friend chose a swanky suite at the Hard Rock Hotel. It was probably the most over the top suite they've ever stayed at and Santana gawked at the sheer size of the place. It was palatial. The place exuded undeniable luxury and elegance in equal amounts. Oh and it has a bowling alley, you know, just in case they feel like knocking some pins over. She would be lying if she didn't think it was a bit much but holy shit, they all deserved this.<p>

"How did you hook us up with this, Q?" she asks her best friend who was wearing a smug look on her face.

"Well, my boss at the firm, his brother just happens to be the manager so you know, I got us a little discount." Quinn explained, not really giving much away.

"How much is a little? A 'little' for this must be not so little in everyday terms." Santana inquires again.

"Lopez, there's no need to worry, alright?" she starts mixing a drink behind the bar. _Oh yeah, the suite has a fully stacked bar._ "Let's have fun!"

Santana shakes her head playfully at Quinn. It was great to see her let her hair down and it usually does happen in Vegas. It's probably why her best friend's favourite go-to place is Vegas. What happens here stays here and that's been applicable in _many_ occasions.

"San, come in here baby!" A voice from one of the rooms called out and Santana could tell her girlfriend is totally elated. The place had huge ass aquariums and Britt's always been a fan of colourful things so it was no surprise that the taller blonde was super psyched to be in this suite.

"I'm coming!" she shouts, taking the drink that Quinn is currently holding out in front of her.

The hazel eyed woman was about to say something when Santana holds her finger up to stop her.

"Q, if you do another whipping noise, Aunty Snix will make a guest appearance." She raises her eyebrow at the other woman.

"Alright, Lespez, I will attend to my woman." Quinn says shaking her head in amusement.

"You do that. You never know, you might actually get her to _come,_" she watches Quinn's reaction at her boldness, "to a strip club."

"And on _that_note, I will see you love birds later. I have dinner reservations André's at the Monte Carlo for 8. Please don't be late; you actually have about four hours to laze around, S." Quinn explains her voice slightly more serious than earlier. Santana smiles appreciatively, "Hey, don't worry okay? We'll be on time and sorry about the delay this morning. I really appreciate all of this, Q." "It's all good Santana. This weekend will be awesome and I'm glad we're all here, together." Quinn says with sincerity and it makes her heart swell. Her best friend really is the nothing but awesome. /

"Hey, baby." She greets, slinking her arms around the blonde's waist from behind and Brittany immediately relaxes into her arms.

They were standing in front of the huge glass windows overlooking the city. The view was actually quite nice considering it was only just past two in the afternoon and Vegas usually looks better at night. She's not really all that bothered about the damn view, she's focused on the synchronisation of their breathing, in silence, and it's peaceful. Santana loves moments like this. The moments when they just hold each other without saying anything; just basking in each other's presence.

After a few minutes of contented silence, Brittany turns around to face the brunette.

"Hi." She says, smiling widely and it still makes Santana's heart jump to her throat at how fucking flawless her woman is.

"Hello." She replies, ignoring the fact that they are both being a massive cheese fest because with Brittany she can be whoever she wants to be. She can be sensitive, caring, thoughtful, dorky, needy, in love, whipped, enamoured, mesmerized. She can be _her _because her girlfriend makes it so easy for her to put her walls down and expose herself in every shape or form. She loves that Brittany can make her do that without even trying or pushing her to do so.

"I'm really glad we're here." Brittany simply says but Santana could really read the meaning behind her words. It was more like, 'I'm really glad that you're okay and not shutting me out emotionally like that last time something bad happened with your family'.

The blonde didn't need to say those words for Santana to decipher what she really means. They are soul mates for a reason. They understand each other without needing to explain.

"I'm glad too. I get to spend time with this gorgeous woman and she's really amazing. You should meet her sometime." She jokes, tightening her arms around Brittany's body.

"Hmm," Brittany hums, resting her forehead against Santana's, "I'll check with my hot ass girlfriend if we have time to spare."

"Why will you be so busy?" she asks cheekily.

"Oh you know, people to see, and places to be."

"I'm sure you can make time, she's a great dancer."

"Oh is she now?" Brittany raises her eyebrow at the brunette.

Santana laughs, "Yeah she gives the best private lap dances, _ever"_ she replies, whispering 'ever' huskily.

"Better than me?" Brittany asks, playing along.

"It's kind of hard to compare, maybe you could refresh my memory." The shorter woman states, a challenging look present in her eyes.

"Maybe." Blue orbs turn a shade darker as Brittany leans forward to slightly brush their lips together.

It's simply unexplainable how even after all of the years they've been together, the simple act of kissing is still makes their hearts beat ten times faster. It doesn't matter if they've kissed a day, an hour, a minute, a second ago. Each kiss has the same effect, no matter how sexual or romantic their mood is; each kiss sends the same electrifying tingle all over the bodies. It's surreal. They have both kissed a lot of people but no one has ever compared and that is an understatement.

Maybe it's the way it starts with Brittany's nose grazing her top lip and the way she claims her top lip like it's rightfully hers. Maybe it's the slow pace that allows both of them to savour every stroke, every taste. Or maybe it's the way her heart is thumping against her chest like she could explode any second, and her body feeling so light, she could float away. She would never exactly know why but then again, it really doesn't matter because she has a lifetime to figure that one out.

* * *

><p><strong>So the real Vegas adventure begins next chapter! I'm kind of excited about it since I'm going to Vegas with my friends soon! I'll probably fantasize about the things I actually want to do when I'm there! haha... what did you guys thinks?<strong>

**Also if you want to follow me on tumblr do so, it's snixandbicorns(dot)tumblr(dot)com**


End file.
